


Its Too Cold Outside, For Angels To Fly

by KiwiChick42



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Dean, Alpha Sam, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Birth, Blow Jobs, Dean is Bad at Feelings, Heavy Angst, I changed the summery, I probably will again because im not happy with it, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Knotting, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Miscarriage, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Mpreg, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Omega Castiel, Past Body Mutilation, Past Drug Addiction, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Underage, implied rape, not graphic, omega gadreel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-04-21 08:50:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 62,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4822793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiwiChick42/pseuds/KiwiChick42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a lone, battered omega shuffled into the soup kitchen a few days before Christmas, Dean had no idea how much that one man would change his life. </p><p>Neither did the omega.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. White Lips, Pale Face, Breathing in the snow flakes.

**Author's Note:**

> So i was milking my cows when the Ed Sheeren song 'The A Team' came on the radio. I got to thinking and this fic came to be. Its dark and super depressing, i'll be honest. Its not going to be a happy story. 
> 
> References for past drug use and homelessness. I'm going to put the warnings up here, because there's some rough stuff in this story, and i haven't even written it yet. My mind is going to dark places, i'm not even kidding. 
> 
> Please tell me what you think, i really do love comments :)
> 
> Ummm... Enjoy?

Cold.

Cold and damp.

Those were the first things he noticed when he came too. He didn’t know how long they had been driving before he was dumped on the side of the road like some piece of trash. His mind was still fuzzy with whatever they had given him, but it was clearing enough so the full extent of his injures were quickly becoming apparent.

He still had no idea what had set the Alpha off, but it didn’t matter. He tried not to think about the beating he had received, but it was hard when his ribs crackled uncomfortably every time he breathed in too deeply. He rubbed listlessly at the raw marks on his wrists, glad he was out of those godforsaken shackles. It had been a long time since he had been outside, and he thanked whatever absent gods there were that his dumpers were worried about being seen, and had dumped him at night.

He looked around, gathering his bearings and cataloguing what he had with him. They had left him in his ratty old clothes, and they had been kind enough to leave him a tatty old trench coat. It was covered in blood, _his blood,_ he realised. He must have an injury somewhere, _ah, there._ There was a deep gash on the side of his head, the blood had dribbled down and soaked into his clothes.

He started walking along the road, thankful it was what looked like a main road. He would have hated to have been lost on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere.

It felt like hours before he saw the lights of a town, a small town, it looked like, but a town none the less.

It was threatening to snow, so it must have been winter. If it was snowing, that meant he was somewhere in the north, maybe north east. The bright, green and red lights strung up in shop windows and between street lamps indicated it might have been Christmas, either soon or maybe a few days ago.

It didn’t take long to find the Omega shelter, but the line surprised him. At least those that were here weren’t where he had been. They were safe, at least. The line shuffled forwards, and he clutched his jacket tighter around his shoulders, in a fruitless effort to stave off the chill.

A woman held a clipboard; she had short hair and a compassionate smile. She smelled like a Beta, but she had an Alpha air about her. She looked up when he reached the front of the line, a sad frown marring her features.

“I’m sorry, we’re full. Is there anywhere else you can go?” He raised his eyebrows. He couldn’t help the way his body was trembling. It was an automatic response in the presence of an Alpha, even if the woman before him wasn’t one.

“Why would I be here, if I had somewhere else to go?” She looked at him in surprise, but blinked it away quickly. He cursed himself for his behaviour. No matter how many times they had beaten him, he never had learnt his place.

“Come by the soup kitchen tomorrow, I’ll make sure there’s a place for you.” She looked him up and down, taking in his grimy appearance and blood soaked clothes. “ _Please._ ”

He bit his lip, weighing his options. It didn’t appear to be snowing yet, but that could change at any time. He would find a sheltered place and bed down for the night, hoping the woman, _Jody,_ kept her word.

“Alright. I’ll be there.” He turned to walk away, wondering where the safest place in the small town was. He heard Jody call to him, so he turned back slowly.

“What’s your name, hun?” She sounded like a lovely woman, but he of all people knew people lied. Smells, not that he could sense any in the state he was in, _didn’t lie._ He knew how to act around Alphas, to keep them happy, to keep himself unharmed. Small, scared, _quiet._ That was what they liked. Submissive little bitches to use however they wanted.

He hated his biology most of the time, particularly the part which made him _crave_ the touch of an Alpha. It infuriated him to no end that he had to depend on physical contact to keep his body in sync. It was one of the _incentives_ they had used on him.

What he had to decide, was whether to give her his real name, one he hadn’t been called in _years,_ or his fake name, that carried with it his soiled past and all the memories he wished to leave in the hell hole he had been ejected from.

He closed his eyes briefly, before turning back to Jody.

“Castiel.”

* * *

 

“Sammy! You ready?” Dean was running late, thanks to the goddamn traffic, it was freakin Lawrence for fuck sake, not New York City. He heard his great lump of a brother lumbering around in his room, so he changed his work boots and grabbed a different jacket. He didn’t have enough time to shower, but he didn’t think it would matter much where they were headed. Sam practically fell over his feet in his haste, pulling on a jacket.

“Dude, we’re going to a soup kitchen, not to the friggen ball.” Dean raked his eyes over his brother’s appearance, from his actually _brushed_ long brown hair, to his clean jeans and shirt. He wrinkled his nose, the strong scent of aftershave and deodorant irritating his sensitive senses. Sam blushed, and then everything clicked into place. “Ah, it see. _He’s_ gonna be there, isn’t he?” Dean took every opportunity to rib his brother, and the fact that he had a major crush on one of the other volunteers, _well,_ that was just too easy.

“Seriously, Dean, _don’t._ ” Sam grabbed his own boots and jacket, shrugging into both. “Why would he even want a fuck up like me?” Dean stopped them both by grabbing Sam’s shoulder, maybe a little too forcefully.

“Dude, really? You’re _awesome.”_ Dean grinned at Sam’s frown. “What’s no to like?”

“Yeah, thanks. But what if he finds out about –” He really didn’t want them going down that road, especially with how late they already were.

“Stop, seriously, Sam. When and _if_ you want to tell him, you can. Until then, just go with it.” Dean released his brother, and clapped him on the back. “Come on, Jody will be pissed if we’re late again. It’ll be busy as all hell.”

Dean was right, of course. It was the weekend before Christmas _and_ it was threatening to snow. At least during the car ride over, Sam had calmed down. Dean had quickly figured out the reason for Sam’s excessive use of body products. The guy Sam liked, and yes, Dean _had_ explained how much of a twelve year old girl that made him, didn’t know how Sam felt. Apparently, he wasn’t ready for him to know either, so he had doused himself in pretty much every body product either of them owned. It had irritated Dean to no end, but he could see Sam’s point.

Don’t want to scare off your mate, especially if they didn’t know they were it.

“Has he said anything about it?” Dean thought Sam should just hurry the hell up and talk to the guy about it, but Sam was more diplomatic than that. Sam shook his head.

“Nah, but I’m building up to it.” Why on earth was he masking his scent then? His mate had to smell the real Sam to know he was the one, right? Wasn’t that how it worked?

“So, you’re smothering yourself in the entire body isle at the supermarket, but you want him to figure out himself that you guys are mates?” Sam’s reasoning was giving him a head ache, so thank Christ they were at their destination. His brother just shrugged.

“I don’t want to scare him off, man. We hardly know each other.” His brother gave him a tentative smile as they exited the car and made their way inside the old warehouse. “It’ll be fine, Dean.” He really wished he could believe that. Despite what he’d said to Sam, his brother had some pretty intense demons in the closet. Mates or not, Gadreel would have to be a pretty amazing dude to accept all of Sam’s shit.

Dean steeled himself for what they were about to do. He always went with Sammy to the soup kitchen, but for some reason, doing it around the holidays made everything he saw there about one hundred times worse. He owed Jody more than his life for what she did for them, so he would help her with whatever she wanted.

Didn’t mean he had to like it though.

“Nice of you boys to finally show up.” Jody quirked an eyebrow at the sheepish brothers, but smiled eventually. She motioned for them to follow her out the back, to where the food was prepared. “Dean, you’re on the pumpkin pie, and if I catch you eating any this year, I swear I will make you eat so much it’ll make you sick.” Dean grinned at her, because hell _yes._

“It’d take a shit ton of pie to make me sick, Jody.” He only _just_ dodged the punch she threw to his shoulder.

“You watch your language, young man. There are children present.” And didn’t that just make Dean even _chirpier._ The fact that there were _children_ without food and probably a home, made Deans blood boil. It didn’t matter about their biology in a place like that, Alpha, Beta, Omega, made no difference. If you didn’t have a job, you didn’t have a home. The economic down turn had hit Lawrence hard, especially when they closed the old mill.

“Yes, ma’am.” Dean left them both to go to his station but smiled when he heard Jody direct Sam to where Gadreel was serving soup. Yeah, she knew what was up.

People started filing in, brushing snow off their worn clothes and trying to look happier than they actually felt. Dean could smell the unhappiness in the air, though he tried to ignore it. No point in dwelling on something he alone couldn’t change.

He smiled when the kids came up to get some extra pie, and he indulged them even if he wasn’t meant to. Those kids deserved some happiness at Christmas, even if their parents couldn’t afford to give it to them. It wasn’t their fault, a lot of the time, but Dean couldn’t help his protective nature creeping out of its cave.

“Excuse me.” Dean shook his head, blinking at the bundle of rags and dirty hair peeking out from under a ridiculous woollen hat. Well, at least it looked like it’d keep his ears warm. “May I have some pie?”

“Well yeah, Oliver Twist.” Dean grinned at the guys bemused frown. Who hasn’t heard of Oliver Twist? He picked out the biggest piece to give him, because even though he was covered in mismatched clothes and filth, Dean could tell he was unhealthily skinny. A little pie would do him some good.

“Thank you.” The guy smiled, well, attempted to smile, but it came across as more of a pained twitch than anything else. Impossibly bright blue eyes peeked out at him, burning with a fire that belied his appearance and behaviour. Dean’s heart twinged when he thought about how hard the guy’s life must be, that he couldn’t even summon up a smile. Dean sniffed, he was _so_ not getting emotional over some random stranger, but when he did, he caught a whiff of _something._

_Nah, just the pie._

His stomach must have taken over his brain, because all he could think about was pie. He wasn’t even allowed to _eat_ any.

Awesome.

His random Oliver Twist had disappeared to the back of the hall, but Dean could see him sitting by himself against the far wall. There was something _about him,_ something that Dean couldn’t place. He put it down to his pie brain and the fact that Sam was smiling his ass off with Gadreel. It made him real happy to see his brother like that, especially after all the shit they went through to get there.

“I hope your keeping your hands to yourself, Winchester.” Dean jumped when Jody appeared behind him, narrow eyes and hand on hips. She was only a Beta, but damn was she scary. Even being an Alpha didn’t help him when he did something she didn’t agree with.

“You really think id risk that, Jody?” Dean smirked, a smile that had been known to get him out of his fair share of speeding tickets. Jody just rolled her eyes; she knew his game, inside and out. “Uh, you keep records, right?” Jody nodded; she liked to know who was a frequent flyer, who needed to go to the Omega shelter, that kind of stuff. She would know who the little guy was. “Do you know who that is?” Dean pointed over to Oliver Twist, who was eating his pie in small, almost savouring bites.

“Yeah, I know him.” Jody frowned, and she actually looked pretty worried. It unsettled Dean, who was used to seeing her certain and in control. “He turned up yesterday at the Omega Shelter. We were full, always are, over the holidays. I had to turn him away. I don’t know where he spent the night, but I told him to come here and obviously he did.” Dean gritted his teeth and growled low in his chest, immensely unhappy that the poor guy had been out in the cold last night. Then something clicked.

“He’s an Omega?” Male Omega’s weren’t really _rare,_ but they were uncommon enough that it surprised him. Gadreel was an Omega, much to Sam’s happiness, but he was the only one he knew personally.

“Yup. He’s not mated, as far as I can tell. Quiet as all hell and skinny as a rake.” She looked at Dean then, pursing her lips. Dean knew that look, she was _really_ worried, but she didn’t know what to do. “I’m ninety percent sure he’s on something, but I needed him to come here today, so I didn’t risk asking.” She sighed and ran a hand through her short hair. “I’m worried about him; he’s got nowhere to go, and probably an addiction to feed.”

“What do you want to do?” Dean asked, not taking his eyes off Oliver. He didn’t know the guy’s name, so what the hell else was he gonna call him? He probably gave Jody a fake name anyway, so he could damn well make his own up if he wanted to.

“What I want to do is take him to the shelter, lock him in a room and make him sweat out his withdrawal.” Dean closed his eyes and willed back the sick feeling that had come over him. He was all too aware of sweating through withdrawals, and what it did to a person. “But I can’t do that, because the shelter’s full and I don’t have a spare detox room.” Dean looked over at Sam, laughing and smiling at Gadreel. They looked pretty damn good together, and it would never have happened if Dean hadn’t refused to give up. He looked back to his Oliver Twist, the tiny scrap of a guy sitting alone and probably scared, cradling his pie like it was Jesus fucking Christ returned.

“I can do it, Jody. I can take him.” Dean had no idea what it was about the guy, probably nothing at all apart from the fact that he reminded him so much of Sammy. Scared and alone, skinny as hell and addicted to god knows what. He knew Jody trusted him with the job, so that was one thing he didn’t have to worry about. He would have to ask Sam if he was ok with it, of course. Jody nodded, a thankful smile spreading across her face.

“You’ll have to ask him, of course. You can’t just force him to go home with you.” She raised her eye brows when Dean smirked, even though he was nervous as hell.

“Jody, since when has anyone said no to this pretty face?” Jody just laughed, and clapped him on the back.

“Alright, but talk to your brother first.” She went to walk away, but turned back. “And tell me _before you leave,_ if he’s leaving with you.” Dean nodded, and then remembered a fairly important question.

“Jody!” She turned back with her eyes wide in an exasperated look. “What’s his name?” She shook her head at his behaviour. Yeah, he was a goof, so what?

“Castiel.”

Yeah, beats Oliver Twist any day.

* * *

 

He found Sam flirting shamelessly with Gadreel over by their station.

“Hey guys, uh, Gad, can I borrow Sammy for a bit?” His brother narrowed his eyes at Dean for the use of his childhood nickname, but Dean just grinned. Gadreel didn’t seem to mind.

“Not at all, Dean.” He liked Gadreel. He was a man of few words, and even if he and his brother were dancing around the burning bush, he treated Sam right.

Dean led them over to an empty table, but he didn’t expect what he had to say to take very long. Sam would understand the situation, better than anyone, really.

“So, I was talking to Jody.” Sam was watching him intently, all of his focus on his brother. “There’s an Omega here, guy called Castiel, that’s in some trouble.” Sam nodded, mouth thinning and his brows drawing together in a frown. “Jody doesn’t have any room at the Omega shelter, and she, um…” Dean faltered, because his next words would be the make or break of the whole situation.

“What, Dean?” He knew Sam wouldn’t turn the guy away, so he took a breath and hoped like hell.

“The guys on something, but he’s got no money or anything. Jody’s worried he might do something to get a fix.” Dean inwardly cringed; it wasn’t like they needed a reminder.

“Of course, Dean. I mean, if it hadn’t been for Jody taking me in…” Sam trailed off, looking away. Dean hated seeing his little brother down, so he clapped him on the shoulder and smiled.

“You’re the best, Sam. I guess I better go and ask the guy in question, yeah?” Dean rose from the table, and headed over to where Castiel was still nursing his pie. As Dean got nearer, all he could smell was stale piss, grotty clothes, blood and nothing of the guy’s actual scent. It was beyond weird.

“Hi,” Dean smiled softly, not wanting to scare the poor guy. Castiel looked up, blinking his big blue eyes as if trying to figure out why Dean was talking to him. “Can I sit?” Castiel nodded, so Dean took a place next to him, a safe distance away. He had taken that ridiculous hat off, which revealed dark brown, almost black hair. It was lank and dirty, like the rest of him, and he wondered what the guy’s story was. If he had family worried about him somewhere, where he was from, what he’d done to survive. He didn’t look very old, maybe twenty, twenty three at a stretch. “I’m Dean, by the way. You’re Castiel, right?”

The Omega’s eyes widened, but he just nodded, picking slightly at his food.

“So, Jody tells me you don’t have anywhere to go tonight.” Dean hoped he sounded non-threatening, and that his scent was doing the same. Everyone had a hard time smelling themselves, which made sense, otherwise people would go round getting real mixed up and confused. Castiel kept his eyes down, which confused Dean, but he didn’t let it bother him.

“Um, no, I ah, don’t.” Castiel sounded scared, like he was waiting for Dean to yell at him or something.

“Where did you sleep last night?” Damn he wished he could take _that_ question back, regretting it instantly, just by Castiel’s reaction.

“On a bench in the park. I – I don’t know the city well. It was… difficult, sleeping.” Dean tried to hide his shock, physically forcing himself not to reach out and touch the Omega. If he thought Cas was scared before, he was damn near frantic now. He was shaking and breathing heavily, almost hyperventilating. He kept mumbling apologies, food totally ignored, and rocked back on his ass, head in his hands. Dean took a moment to brace himself, before asking the golden question.

“No, hey, it’s ok. I don’t mind.” Dean had to physically hold himself back from putting a comforting hand on the other man. “I was wondering if you wana come home with me and my brother.” Dean smiled when Cas peeked out from his hands, and looked at him with wide eyes.

“You – you want me in your home?” Castiel blinking at him and frowning was distracting Dean from what he was trying to talk about. He nodded.

“Yeah man, that’s what Christmas is about, right?” He’d use that excuse, but in reality Cas reminded him so much of Sammy that he couldn’t just leave the guy out in the cold. Castiel seemed to be mulling over what Dean had said, before he came to a decision. He fixed Dean with his intense gaze and tried to smile.

“I would like that, Dean, very much.”

* * *

 

After Dean managed to drag Sam away from Gadreel, and told Jody they were on their way home with Castiel, they finally managed to pile into the Impala.

“This is – this is your car?” Castiel sounded like, well he sounded in _awe_ of the fact that Dean owned such a beast of machinery. The Impala _was_ pretty damn majestic, in all of her black roaring beauty. Deans inner Alpha preened at the compliment.

“Yup, she’s all mine. My old man gave her to me for my 18th birthday.” Dean wasn’t used to filling awkward silences, so he just rambled until Sam gave him a look. Right, he didn’t need to, ok.

Dean breathed a sigh of relief when they finally reached their apartment. It was on the first floor; thank Christ, so no stairs and no nosy neighbours. Castiel stunk something fierce, so the last thing they needed was one of their upstairs neighbours finding a stinking homeless man on their doorstep.

Castiel inhaled sharply when Dean let them all inside. Sam said his goodnights and headed off to his room. Castiel was standing stock still, wide eyed, just inside the door.

“Are you – are you sure you want me here, Dean?” Castiel asked quietly.

“Yeah man. Of course.” Dean hung his jacket up and toed off his shoes. He should offer Cas a shower, maybe wash his clothes. The rancid things looked like they would fall apart if he washed them. “You can have a shower if you’d like one.”

“Are you sure?” Goddamnit, Castiel sounded so unsure whenever Dean talked to him. What the hell had happened to the guy?

“Yup, it’s right through here.” Dean led the way back to the bathroom, switching the light on. It was a small space, hell, it was lucky Sam wasn’t any taller. “Just leave your clothes outside the door; I’ll wash them for you.” Cas clutched the ragged clothes to his chest. “No no, it’s ok. I’ll grab you some of my sweats.” Cas still looked uncertain, but at least he wasn’t in withdrawal yet, if he _wa_ s even on anything. Maybe he wasn’t, and Jody was wrong. Dean shook his head, no, Jody was pretty much always right.

“Alright, thank you, Dean.” Cas gave him a small smile, and it warmed his heart. He left the Omega to it, and went to the kitchen to make some coffee. While that was getting ready, he went to his room and gathered up some clothes for Castiel to wear. He found his smallest tee shirt and sweat pants. He wandered back to the bathroom and found Castiel’s rags piled up outside the door.

_Damn, I need gloves or something._

Castiel’s clothes were nasty; fuck knows what they were coated with. Was that, oh _god,_ that was definitely blood. Dean shivered, all he wanted to do was wrap the Omega up in a big fluffy towel and take care of him, it was what his basic biology demanded. Usually he hated what his Alpha did to him, how it made him feel and act sometimes. At that moment though, him and his Alpha were in complete agreement. They needed to protect the Omega in their house, for however long or short he was with them.

A noise startled him from where he was finishing loading Castiel’s clothes into the washer. He turned to see the Omega standing in the doorway, clutching the towel to his skinny hips, looking unsure. That wasn’t why Dean’s breath caught in his throat. Castiel was beyond skinny, yeah, his ribs stuck out like some horrible African child commercial. But the _bruises,_ god the bruises were the worst. Deans shocked eyes raked over Castiel’s wrecked body, cataloguing the myriad of purple, black, blue and yellow marks. Some were obviously new, while others, like the one that spread from Castiel’s right hip all the up one side, was yellowed around the edges.

Dean knew better than to draw attention to certain things, so he forced a smile and held up the clothes he had for him.

“Here ya go, sorry that they’re a bit big.” He kept his smile as Cas timidly crept forward to take the clothes, holding them like Dobby getting his goddamn sock.

“Thank you, Dean. I – I really appreciate all of this.” Cas smiled at him, and Dean was sort of happy to see, under all the grime, was a young man who looked salvageable, not like some of the guys that had been on Sammy’s rehab course. His smiled fell when Castiel moved the towel and inadvertently showed the inside of his arms. Dean could see the track marks, dotted up and down his arms.

_Ah, so into the heavy stuff._

He had rough, raw marks, around his wrists and ankles, which was pretty weird. Dean left it, it wasn’t important in the grand scheme of things. What he did need to sort out, was where Castiel was going to sleep. He hadn’t really thought about that.

“So, is the couch ok? I mean, you can have my bed, if you want, but the sheets aren’t clean so…” Dean trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck. He wasn’t any good at this kinda stuff. Sam was the talker, not him.

“The couch is fine, Dean, thank you.” Cas smiled and disappeared into the bathroom to get changed. Dean made them both a coffee, but he was pretty tired. He was used enough to coffee for it not to get him wired, but he was a little worried about a stranger sleeping on his couch. He didn’t _think_ that the Omega would stab him and his brother in their sleep, but you couldn’t be too careful. The coffee would keep him from a deep sleep, to protect himself from random, stabby attacks.

He grabbed some blankets and a pillow from the hall closet, setting them down on the couch. The guy deserved to be comfortable. Fuck knows when the guy last slept in a proper bed.

Castiel appeared from the bathroom, looking fresh and clean. His dark hair was mussed and sticking up everywhere, and Dean found it endearing as hell. He was beginning to find the Omega pretty attractive, minus the grime and homelessness. Actually, who was he kidding, Castiel was a fucking _god._ Blue eyes, dark hair, tanned skin, fucking hell he was objectifying some poor guy who looked like he’d been hit by a bus.

He took the other coffee cup off the table and sat down on the couch gingerly, like it was going to bite him in the ass. They were quiet while drinking their coffees, but Dean could see Castiel sneaking glances at him every now and then. His eyes stayed downcast the rest of the time, though. Dean couldn’t fight the yawn that crawled up this throat.

“Sorry, man, I am _beat.”_ Dean stretched his arms above his head, shivering when his back cracked and popped. Castiel just nodded at him. The Omega rose from the couch and timidly crossed the room towards him, and that confused Dean for a second before he remembered something he’d read about Omegas. They thrived on touch and scent, and Dean hoped against all hell that Castiel found his scent comforting. Just the fact that the Omega wanted contact with him meant he was beginning to trust him.

“Dean, um, may I?” Castiel was hovering just out of arms reach, so Dean held his arms out and twitched his fingers.

“Yeah man, come here.” He almost flinched when he realised that sounded like an order, but it didn’t seem to matter to Castiel. The Omega practically melted into his embrace. Castiel hummed happily, and Dean couldn’t help but lean down and gently rest his face in the crook of Castiel’s neck. He inhaled lightly, and caught that strange scent again, of pie and leather and –

_And home._

Every crushing reality fell down around him, then. The fact that he didn’t believe in that True Mate bullshit, why he would even deserve one when he’d been the one to –

No, fuck no, the frail scrap of skin in front of him deserved better than him. He swallowed, trying to unstick his dry throat, while his Alpha was roaring in happiness that it had finally found its other half. Dean’s arms tightened around Castiel’s thin body, while their heartbeats settled into one rhythm.

_Mate_

_Mate_

_Mate._


	2. Burnt Lungs, Sour Taste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another one :) i should be writing my other fic but this one just called to me... enjoy!
> 
> Thank you so much for the comments and all the kudos!! 
> 
> WARNINGS FOR 
> 
> \- Suggested Past Abuse  
> \- Mpreg  
> \- Drug Use

Dean lay awake for hours, his mind buzzing with a restlessness he knew had _nothing_ to do with the coffee he’d had before he went to bed.

Castiel was his _mate?_ How was that even possible? What were the chances he’d find him, in a soup kitchen of all places?

The poor guy had been through fuck knows what, and then he’d had the luck to be stuck with Dean as his mate. Life wasn’t fair, it seemed. He wondered if Castiel had noticed, or even cared. He knew that drugs could fuck up the system something fierce; it had taken weeks for all of Sam’s senses to fully return to him.

Dean groaned, he had a decision to make, and he had no idea what the hell to do. If Castiel didn’t know they were mates…

He threw the covers off himself and crept slowly to his door. He grimaced when it squeaked, but slid through when it was wide enough. He didn’t want to wake Castiel up, especially while creeping around the house. He padded past the couch, glancing quickly at the Omegas sleeping form. At least, he thought he was sleeping. Fair enough if he wasn’t, letting his guard down in a strange place couldn’t have been easy.

He made it to Sam’s room with only one bruise, thanks to the damn table in the hall.

“Sam.” Dean whispered to his brother, but the great lump remained unconscious, oblivious to Deans midnight crisis.

Well _that_ just wasn’t good enough.

“Dude,” Dean threw himself down onto Sam’s bed, “Wake the hell up.” Sam grunted himself awake, blinking slowly at his brother.

“Whaaa?” Sam rubbed his hand over his face and through his hair. It stuck up everywhere, but he refused to cut it. Dean had a suspicion that Gadreel had something to do with that. “What the hell, man.”

“Sammy, you’re good at people, and like, feelings and shit,” Dean worried his lip and tried _his_ best puppy eyes on his brother, “I need your help.” Sam, having gathered together enough of his wits to realise Dean had an actual, real life problem, since he was asking about it at, _one in the morning,_ focused on his brother.

“Yeah, man, sure, what is it?” Dean sighed before delving into the mess that was his emotional state.

“So, it’s about Castiel.” Dean was so glad his brother just nodded, he didn’t want to answer any questions, he just wanted to get it all out. “I um, shit, I think he’s my mate and I have no fucking clue what to do.” Sam’s eyes widened as he absorbed the information Dean had just word vomited all over him, because he _had_ said it all in quite a rush.

“Oh, wow. That’s – that’s…” Just the fact that Sam didn’t know what to say put Dean even more on edge. He fiddled with the bed spread, unsure of what to do with his hands, because if he stopped moving, they’d start shaking and he was the _strong one_ goddamnit!

“Yeah, I know, ok?” He had more _feelings_ than he knew how to process running through him, and all they were morphing into was blind panic. “I can – I can deal with most shit, Sammy, you know that, but this… it’s different, you know?” Sam nodded, yeah, he knew.

“I know its scary Dean, but you’re lucky, in a way.” Dean just raised his eye brows and tried not to glare. “No, hear me out. Most people never find their biological mate. They find someone they like and settle down, but its – it’s not like having an actual _mate._ ” Sam sighed slightly, and Dean almost gagged, because he just _knew_ his giant sap of a brother was thinking about Gadreel.

“That’s not the problem Sam, and you know it.” Dean almost growled, but since they were both Alphas, it would only piss Sam off.

“Dean, if you think for a second that you don’t deserve this, or some stupid shit like that, I’m gonna – ” Sam actually _did_ growl then, and if Dean had hackles, they would be raised. Sam knew Dean didn’t like talking about it.

“It was my fault Sam –” It really hurt when Sam punched him in the shoulder, but he swallowed his yelp of pain. He wasn’t going to show weakness, he was the older brother; it was his _job_ to be strong.

“No, fuck _no,_ Dean. Don’t do that. We’ve had this conversation time and again, and I’m sick of it and your martyr complex.” Sam sat back on his pillows, folded his arms and glared at his brother. “You _deserve_ to be happy, no matter what you think.” Dean shook his head but nodded, some of Sam’s words creeping in to chip away at the wall around Dean’s heart. Goddamnit he was dramatic sometimes.

“You should be a lawyer, or something, Sam.” Dean leaned forwards and ruffled his brother’s hair, grinning at him. Sam always had that effect on him, could make him see the logic out of the chaos.

“Thanks, anyway, I think the real question is, are you gonna tell him?” Sam knew from experience about drugs fucking shit up, so it wasn’t hard for him to have put two and two together. Dean just shrugged. It was the golden question, after all.

“I – I don’t think so, not yet, anyway. Poor guys got enough on his plate without me coming along and dumping that bombshell on him. He probably wouldn’t believe me anyway, not until he gets his senses back.” Dean just hoped they had enough time to get to know each other before that happened, or, shit, _that he actually wanted to stay._

No way in hell was he letting his _mate_ wander the streets alone. Not that he’d like, forbid him to or anything, he wasn’t some knothead douchdick that made their Omegas stay home, tethered to the house and kids.

“I’m gonna – I’m gonna ask him to stay with us, if that’s all good with you?” Dean knew Sam would say yes, but he needed the confirmation.

“If you didn’t, I’d tell him stay myself.” Sam smiled smugly at Dean, and then produced to push him off the bed. “I’ll be out tomorrow morning, so ask him then.” Sam tugged the blankets over his head and rolled over, so Dean took that as his cue to leave.

“Thanks, Sam.” Dean said quietly, still not wanting to wake Castiel. The conversation in the morning was going to be _interesting,_ to say the least.

“No problem, jerk.” Yeah, his brother was still a big kid, no matter the life changing advice he gave out almost daily.

“Whatever, Bitch.”

* * *

 

Dean obviously hadn’t seen that he was awake, or he wouldn’t have taken such care walking past the couch. Castiel peeked out from beneath the blankets, keeping his eyes on the Alpha until he was once again back in his bedroom. He hitched the blankets higher, cold despite the central heating running through the apartment. He assumed it was the drugs running out of his system.

He wasn’t exactly sure what they had been giving him during his time with them, but he was sure it had done something unpleasant to his system. He still couldn’t work out even basic smells, and the only way he knew Dean and Sam were Alphas was how they held themselves. Even then he could have been mistaken. Jody had just been a lucky guess.

He shuffled his head slightly, trying to get a more comfortable position since his head wound kept him from sleeping on one side. He had found some antiseptic in the bathroom, and dabbed it on lightly, wincing slightly at the pain. It was nothing he couldn’t handle; of course, he was all too used to pain.

Castiel wondered idly, what Dean had needed his brother for at such a time of night. It could have been a family emergency, or it could, more likely, have been about the random homeless stranger sleeping on their couch. Perhaps Dean was having second thoughts about allowing Castiel into his home, which wouldn’t be that surprising.

Dean had not asked for or demanded anything so far, which was surprising. He even seemed… _nice,_ which was strange in itself. In his experience, Alphas weren’t _nice_ and if they were, it was only on the surface. When they seemed pleasant, it was usually because they wanted something, or it was part of a game.

If Dean didn’t want anything, well, he didn’t know exactly how to handle that.

Morning came with Castiel having had very little sleep, and Dean looking much the same. Sam had some breakfast quickly, then disappeared out the door, claiming to have appointments and such. It didn’t take long for Castiel to realise that he and Dean would be alone all morning. It was going to happen sooner or later, and he would rather get it over and done with quickly anyway.

He ate the breakfast offered to him by Dean quietly, because that was what Alphas liked, even if he didn’t like doing it. He liked expressing himself, but he hadn’t for a long time. It was surprising that part of him had even survived all those years.  

When he was finished breakfast, he cleared their plates away despite Dean’s complaints. If he was going to be staying a few days, the least he could do was clean up a bit. After he had rinsed the dishes, he walked back over to the couch and folded his bedding. He placed it neatly at one end of the couch, and then realised Dean had followed him. He didn’t really want to sleep where he was going to be _taken,_ but if that was what the Alpha wanted… he’d rather not have the beating that would result if he questioned him.

“How do you want me, Alpha?” Castiel asked, making himself sick with the pathetic way he looked up into Deans widened eyes. He hated the ones that were too nervous to take what they wanted; it just meant he had to do more work. He held himself back, barely, from rolling his eyes when Dean didn’t move, and turned to position himself over the arm of the couch, his ass facing Dean. He would let the Alpha remove his clothing, most of them liked doing that.

What he wasn’t expecting, was the confused noise from behind him, and Dean sliding a careful hand around his arm to turn him to face the Alpha.

“Cas…what?” Dean looked genuinely confused, which threw Castiel. If Dean didn’t want it then… what did he want? They all wanted something.

“I was presenting myself for your enjoyment, Alpha.” He swallowed down the pinch of resentment he felt, but strangely it wasn’t towards Dean. No, it was towards himself and his biology, his deep seated _need_ to please, what he had been _taught._

Dean however, looked absolutely horrified.

“Dude, what the hell? No! I – fuck. Just please, sit down.” Castiel blinked at Dean, confusion overcoming everything else. Dean was turning him around again and backing him up until the backs of his legs hit the couch. He allowed himself to be sat, while Dean sat opposite him in a single seater, watching him with a pained expression. “I don’t – I don’t know why you did that, Cas, but I just want to lay it out there,” Dean ran a hand through his hair and fixed Castiel with a serious look. “I don’t want that from you, alright? I don’t want anything from you. I just – I just want to help you.”

“Why… why would you do that, Dean?” If the Alpha didn’t want anything from him, why on earth would he help him? Castiel had nothing to offer except his body. It was… it was all he was good for. _No,_ he had other qualities, he had to remember, he had to _remember._

“Because… you remind me of my brother.” Dean’s face crumpled then, an overwhelming sadness covering his features. “He – he went through some shit and he wouldn’t be here without the help and support he got.” Dean sniffed, and Castiel realised he was holding back tears. “I don’t know what you’ve been through, and I don’t expect you to tell me, but – _shit,_ I am no good at all this feelings _crap.”_

“You seem to be doing alright, Dean.” Castiel’s hand flew to his mouth, the unexpected compliment slipping from his mouth. He hadn’t meant to say it, but Dean was… he was _different._ He was also attempting to, for some reason, _help_ Castiel. Dean smiled.

“I want to help you, Cas. If – if you want my help.” Dean looked so _hopeful;_ it pulled at something long dormant in Castiel. He wasn’t sure what it was, exactly, but he wasn’t afraid of it. He considered his options, not that he had many. He could leave, and try his luck on his own. He didn’t have any money, no home or a job, so that didn’t seem like a good option. The world wasn’t a safe place for unmated, lone Omegas.

He knew that, better than anyone.

The only other option he saw was accepting Deans help, because he _did_ want to ride out whatever drugs were in his system, and Dean’s house _seemed_ like the safest place to do that. If Dean wanted something from him… it wouldn’t be so bad. The Alpha seemed nice enough, not violent or psychotic. He was attractive enough as well, which helped somewhat.

He came to a decision, and hoped he wouldn’t come to regret it.

“Alright, Alpha. I – I accept your help.” Dean looked pained again, and Castiel couldn’t for the life of him figure out what he had done wrong.

“Ok, good. That’s good. Uh, don’t – don’t call me that, ok?” Castiel cocked his head to the side, and narrowed his eyes. He didn’t know what Dean meant, call him what? “Please call me Dean, not _Alpha.”_ Dean spat the word out like poison, and Castiel raised his eyebrows in surprise. He had never met an Alpha that despised their title so much. He kept the information to himself, hidden away to think over later.

“I am sorry, Alp – Dean. I won’t make that mistake again.” He bowed his head to show submission, but flinched when Dean cupped his chin and brought their eyes level.

“I’m sorry to be barking orders at you, Cas, but you don’t have to do that, either.” Dean smiled sadly at him, almost as if thinking about what had happened to him to make him so _pathetic._ Dean _didn’t know_ , and a blast of acidic rage almost overwhelmed him in its intensity. No one knew what he had been through, no one could even _imagine_ the horrors he had experienced.

It would take a _long_ time for him to break that which he had been living for countless years.

* * *

 

It had been a surprise when Dean had told him he had booked a doctor’s visit for Castiel that afternoon, and with the doctor that had treated Sam no less. He had not expected it, and he was learning to expect the unexpected from Dean. He was unlike any Alpha he had ever encountered, but Castiel was still wary as to whether that was a good thing or not.

Arriving at the clinic, Castiel found himself slightly nervous. He hadn’t been to a doctor in years, not one that was _certified,_ anyway. He still couldn’t smell anything, and he had a feeling whatever drugs they had given him were still running around his system.

Dean looked over at him when he turned off the engine, and gave him a small smile.

“I’m sure everything’s fine, Cas, I just wanted you to have peace of mind.” Dean shrugged, “plus she can tell you whatever you’re on, if you like, don’t know, and can draw up a recovery plan.” For some reason he felt slightly better at Dean’s cavalier attitude, but he still felt like something was… off. Not with Dean, but with himself.

They made their way inside and took a seat in the waiting room, after Dean had let the receptionist know they had arrived. An older woman with longish brown hair and a motherly smile greeted them.

“Dean, nice to see you. This Castiel?” she smiled at Dean before turning her gaze towards Castiel, and he immediately felt _better._ He waited for Dean to answer for him, despite Deans protests about his subordinate behaviour; it was a hard habit to break. Dean looked at him when he didn’t answer, and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Ah, yeah, this is him.” The doctor just nodded, narrowing her eyes at Cas.

“Nice to meet you, hun. My names Ellen and I’m gonna be your doctor, if you’ll have me.” Cas looked at Dean who nodded, before following Ellen through to her office.

Once they were seated, with Ellen behind her desk, she started asking _questions._

Questions Castiel didn’t know half the answers too, and even if he did, he would be loath to answer them in front of Dean.

“So you have no idea what drugs, if any, you have in your system?” Ellen didn’t sound judgemental, only curious and assessing. When Castiel shook his head, she noted something down in his file. “When was your last heat?” Castiel swallowed, feeling the blush creep up his neck. He knew he needn’t be embarrassed, it was a natural process after all, but the fact that Dean was right there…

“Ah, I can’t really remember. It must have been some time ago, I think.” He honestly couldn’t remember which confused him. It wasn’t surprising, considering what they had probably given him.

“Considering how undernourished you are, it’s hardly surprising. I’ll do a blood test, just in case. It should help us find out what’s in your system too.” Castiel just nodded, because she was a doctor, and she knew best.

He didn’t even flinch when she took the blood, and he couldn’t help but notice Dean watching him with concern. He didn’t know what troubled the Alpha, but it was comforting to have his presence there. Which in turn infuriated him that he needed an Alpha at all.

“We should have the tests pretty soon, but I need you to pee in this cup as well.” Ellen held out a small sealed bottle for him, and he took it gingerly between two fingers. Ellen had a small bathroom just off her exam room that he was led to, and as he shut the door behind him, he grimaced. He really didn’t _want_ to pee in a cup, but it wasn’t like he had any choice. He pulled down the sweats Dean had given him and tugged himself out. He then took the lid off the bottle and held it under his penis. He rolled his eyes when he gave himself stage fright, and just as he was about to shake himself, the stream let loose. He sighed, trying to aim over the bottle, but he still managed to get some on his hand. It wasn’t the worst substance he had ever been covered in, but it was still unpleasant.

When he was finished, he sealed the bottle and washed his hands, _thoroughly._ Dean and Ellen were deep in conversation when he returned to them, but they broke off as soon as he was in view. It was none of his business, what they were talking about, so he dismissed the small shred of suspicion that spiked within him.

“Here you are.” Castiel handed Ellen the bottle, and was slightly surprised to see she had gloves on. He was even _more_ surprised when she opened a draw and pulled out a box.

“I have to be sure, especially if your blood comes back with what I think it will, and I have to put you on withdrawal drugs.” Ellen opened the box and pulled out a long stick, which was fat at one end and thin at the other. She saw him looking and smiled at him sadly. “This is a pregnancy test, Castiel. You may not know, but the test will tell us for sure.” Castiel just nodded dumbly as she dipped the thin end into the urine, and held it there for a few seconds. “It’ll take two minutes, and trust me; they’re the longest of your life.” She laughed a little, but Castiel did not. He hadn’t even… it hadn’t even _occurred_ to him.

“No matter what it says, Cas, it doesn’t change what I said.” Dean sounded firm and confident, far from what Castiel himself was feeling. Ellen looked at her watch and then back at the test.

Her frown and pursed lips told him everything he needed to know.


	3. Light's Gone, Day's End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took a whole block of chocolate to get through writing this. 
> 
> I'm so serious. 
> 
> Please Leave Comments, they make me super happy. 
> 
> And Kudos, if you want :)
> 
> WARNINGS FOR 
> 
> \- Non Graphic Abortion  
> \- So Many Feels  
> \- Mentions of Rape

Castiel just stood there; blank look on his slack face, trying to absorb the information Dr Harvelle was trying to explain to him.

Something about ultrasounds and determining due dates. He couldn’t really hear her properly, though, above the sound of his own heart beating in his ears.

How had he not _known?_

Aren’t people supposed to _know_ when they become pregnant?

He tried to force his brain to think back to when he last had his heat, but all he remembered was a blaze of pain and nameless faces. It wasn’t working, so he looked around at Ellen and Dean to try once again to come to terms with what she was saying, or at the very least, listen to her.

Because how in the ever loving _hell_ was he supposed to come to terms with the fact that he was _pregnant_ with a baby he neither knew about nor had a home for?

“Is that alright with you, Castiel?” He blinked quickly, focusing once again on Ellen. She was looking at him sadly, like she knew every little awful thought that had just raced through his brain. He stole a quick glance at Dean who looked sad, and scared, yet fiercely determined. It was very hard to concentrate on anything at that moment, but he still managed to wonder how Dean would take it if he started acting like he truly wanted to, instead of the _good little Omega_ he had been trained like. It probably wasn’t the best time to introduce that part of himself, because even though he _despised_ it, it was his default and only defence mechanism. He still hated that he needed Dean around, if only for his Alpha, but he had the feeling he was going to need a lot of support very soon.

“Um, is what alright?” They wouldn’t begrudge him zoning out, it was a lot to take in, after all.

“I would like to do an ultrasound while we wait for your blood test results, if that’s alright.” Cas looked at Dean, then back at Ellen. He nodded when Dean gave his assent, even if he looked very confused about Cas’ constant need for approval.

“Yes. Um, where do you want me?” He hoped he didn’t have to leave the room. It was quiet in there, bland and peaceful, a small desk, an unassuming examination table. Ellen gestured over towards the table, before leaving the room, presumably to get the ultrasound machine. Dean stood and folded his arms, moving awkwardly over to follow Cas.

“Do you… want me to stay?” Dean asked quietly, like it would hurt him if Cas told him to leave. He had almost perfected the art of reading people over the years, it was one of the only ways he had found to stay clear of angry fists and teeth. Cas frowned, because for once he had in front of him a man he couldn’t figure out at all.

“Yes Dean, I would like that.” Cas hoisted himself up onto the table, careful not to rumple the paper sheeting too much. He smiled hesitantly at Dean, who gave a small smile in return. His heart stuttered in his chest, and he flinched, mainly because he had never encountered that feeling before. He’d had had a lot of feelings, most of them bad, but never that.

He wondered what it could mean.

Ellen returned with the machine, wheeling it behind her like some mechanical dog. She set it up beside the bed, plugging it in and turning it on. Cas watched with disinterest, more anxious about what was to come than anything else. How far along was he? Was the collection of cells nestled within his body alright? Ellen picking up a bottle and touching his shoulder with a gentle hand, dragged him back from his thoughts.

“I’m gonna need you to lift up your shirt now, hun.” Cas did as he was told, grabbing the edges of Deans old tee shirt and dragging it up to reveal his small, flat stomach. He didn’t like the frown Ellen gave his ribs, or the aggressive huff of air that came from Dean. “This is gonna be cold, but it warms up fast, I promise.” He wondered if she said that to all of her expectant patients, and if any of them had ever come to her covered in bruises not knowing they were carrying.

Considering what Dean had said about his brother, it was entirely possible.

The gel _was_ cold, but it did warm up quickly. Ellen took the small wand out of its holder on the side of the machine, and pressed the bulbous end down fairly hard onto his stomach. Cas was momentarily worried she was pressing _too_ hard, but relaxed when he realised she did it for a job, she was a doctor for fuck sake, she knew what she was doing.

He turned to look at the screen, but all he saw was static, a black and white ocean of nothing. Somehow, his hand had found its way into Deans, and he looked down at their clasped hands, before glancing up into Dean’s face. The Alpha was focused on the screen, but gave Cas’ hand a gentle squeeze none the less. Cas turned back to watch the screen just as Ellen let out a breath.

“So here you go, looks like your about… eight weeks along which means –” Ellen clicked some keys on the keyboard and moved the mouse thing around to drag some lines here and there. Cas looked at her face when she started moving the wand again, all over as if searching for something. Cas grit his teeth and willed his heart to stop pounding.

“Is everything alright?” He managed to sound calm, even if he felt anything but. Dean was squeezing his hand almost too tightly, but he was very thankful for the grounding it gave him. Ellen just pursed her lips and replaced the wand.

“I’ll be right back; I just have to grab a colleague of mine.” She smiled at them, but it looked forced, like she was trying to put on a brave face for their sake. She left them there, staring at the turbulent ocean of black and white, a horrible metaphor for what he was feeling.

“Dean…” He felt unsteady, like he was on the precipice of his whole world being shattered, and he had no idea what to do. There was no way Ellen would have good news when she would inevitably come back, but he couldn’t decide whether he wanted her to come back sooner and get it over with, or to never return and leave him in his little bubble of hope.

Dean grabbed Cas’ hand in both of his large ones, and he could feel the tremors running through them. At least he wasn’t the only one freaking out.

“No matter what Ellen says, I’m here for you, you got that?” Dean looked equal parts determined and scared out of his mind, but Cas still found himself wondering what made him care so much about a random waif he’d found in a soup kitchen. He just nodded, promising himself when it was all over, he would show his true self to Dean, and hoped like hell he would accept him for who he was.

Ellen came back in, followed by a man in a white coat who looked frazzled but kind.

“Hello Castiel, my name is Chuck.” The man, Chuck, smiled and eased his way into the room. “I’m just going to have a look at something for Dr Harvelle, if that’s alright with you?” Cas still had no idea what everyone kept asking him for permission, it wasn’t like they couldn’t just take what they wanted, despite his opinion.

“Yes, that’s alright.” Cas slumped backwards on the table, but didn’t let go of Deans hand. Chuck took the wand from its cradle and swiped it all over Cas’ belly, before centring on one place. He gestured to the screen, and said something quietly to Ellen, who nodded, a solemn look on her face. Chuck replaced the cradle and patted Cas on the shoulder.

“Thank you, Castiel, Dean.” He nodded to them both before leaving, and Cas was left wondering what the hell had just happened. Ellen seemed to fiddle with the machine before turning to face them, her face drawn with worry and… _sadness._

“I’m very sorry, Castiel.”

_No no, he’d only known for a few minutes._

“These things happen sometimes, and coupled with the drugs… it just wasn’t a good environment for the baby to be.” He was going to be sick, he was sure that deep, churning feeling in his stomach was the breakfast Dean had made him eat that morning trying to reappear. He swallowed, and blinked, staring at Ellen before he realised what it _was._

It was guilt.

It was shame.

It was the knowledge that he had unknowingly killed his unborn baby.

_No, he hadn’t._

They had.

Anger, a burning _anger_ he had never before realised he was capable of feeling tore through him, soaking his veins in pure, unadulterated _rage._ He would find the fucking _scum_ who had forced him into the life he had been made to lead for all of those years. He would find them, unleash the rabid dog of misery that was his soul upon them, reach down their throats and rip out their lungs.

He was very good at hiding what he felt inside, so all Dean and Ellen saw was his jaw clench and a single tear roll down his cheek.

Dean had gone completely still beside him, but he hadn’t let go of Cas’ hand, which he was thankful for. Somehow, he managed to find his voice.

“So, what happens now?” He didn’t really want to find out, but he knew there really was only one option open to him.

“I can do the procedure now, or you can have a few days to come to terms with… it.” Cas nodded, and tried not to think about what sitting around _knowing_ that his dead baby was inside him would do to his remaining sanity.

“What would you recommend?” She was the doctor; she knew what was best in situations such as these. He fervently hoped _situations_ like it didn’t happen all that often.

“I can’t decide for you, Castiel, but I would recommend getting the procedure done immediately.” Ellen looked straight at him, and he got the feeling she was a straight shooter, but incredibly motherly. “These types of things… it’s like a band aid. You’ve just gotta do it, or the thinking about it gets harder and harder.” Cas wiped at his eyes, swallowing down the lump growing in his throat. They were talking about getting rid of his child… and he couldn’t help the hand that crept down to touch his flat belly.

He heard Deans breath hitch and looked up to see Dean crying silently beside him. The Alpha kept his eyes cast downwards, averted in an almost embarrassed manner. It hit him then that the man beside him barely knew him, and yet he was crying about his unborn child, almost as if it were his own. Cas didn’t know what to do with the information, so he tucked it away for later, when things weren’t as abysmally catastrophic.

Cas turned back to Ellen, and nodded once.

“Let’s get it over with, then.”

She had him sign some papers, probably a waiver or disclaimer or something, he didn’t really care. Dean let him use his health insurance, since he had none of his own.

Ellen explained the procedure, and what would happen afterwards, but he just nodded dumbly along. The information was sliding off him, like oil and water, but he didn’t care. His baby was dead, there was nothing he could do about that, but Ellen was there to help him. So was Dean, who asked him again if he wanted him to stay, and Cas had the impression Dean would have fought him that time if he had said no.

Dean stood by his head, facing away from where Ellen was doing what she needed to. Cas had one arm over his eyes, the other hand clasped in Deans. The Alpha was slowly stroking his thumb over and over his knuckles, and Cas thought maybe he didn’t even know he was doing it, until Cas gasped when a particularly painful part had him tensing all over. Dean brought his hand to his mouth, and brushed his lips across the back, whispering soothing words.

It calmed him, somewhat, but the feeling of loss stayed with him. It was amazing to him that he had only known he was pregnant for a few hours and yet the burning, ice cold hole in his heart continued to grow at an alarming rate.

He was sore and bordering on catatonic by the time Ellen was done, so Dean helped him sit up and put his pants back on. He didn’t even care that the Alpha had seen him essentially naked; it was a fairly routine thing for him. He grimaced when he pulled his pants up, mainly because the small dose of painkillers Ellen had given him hadn’t kicked in yet.

“Here’s his prescription, the instructions are on the bottles and in the bag. Ones for the withdrawal he’ll be feeling in a few days, ones an antibiotic and one is a small painkiller. It won’t have any effect on the withdrawal drugs.” She looked over at Cas, who was trying his best to focus on her, but it was hard, and he just couldn’t find it in him to care. “Your blood test results came back, hun. I don’t know where you’ve been, but I think when you’re better, we need to have a chat.” That didn’t sound at all good, but he nodded anyway. “Your system is saturated with Gamma-Hydroxybutyric acid, or GHB.” Cas just shook his head, because he had no idea what she was talking about. Ellen just sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “It causes Amnesia and Drowsiness, among other things. Basically, it’s a rape drug, Castiel. Someone has been drugging you, for a long time considering how much is in your blood.” Cas didn’t have it in him to pretend anymore, so he didn’t. He just looked away from them, not wanting to see their pitying stares or their disgust.

“I know.”

* * *

 

How was life so unfair?

It was like the universe saw his life and took a great big cosmic dump on it. Everyone around him seemed to be broken, and it was like it was his _job_ to fix them.

Karma had a funny way of working, that was for sure.

Cas was quiet as they drove home, and Dean didn’t blame him. Today had been a mess of epic proportions. It was still sinking in for both of them, and Dean couldn’t think of anything to say, or if he should even say anything at all. He was bad at words and feelings at the best of times, and this? This was the _worst_ of times. They were going to be home soon, so he had to talk to ask if he should tell Sam what happened, because his brother would no doubt ask. Cas smelt of sadness, despair and anger.

“Um, Cas?” There wasn’t any indication from Cas that he had heard, but Dean continued anyway. “Uh, I was wondering if I could just… tell Sam about what happened? He’ll um, be able to smell something wrong so…” Fuck he was bad at talking. His mate was in pain and upset and he couldn’t even get the words out. His heart fluttered when Cas looked around, uncurling from his position near the door.

“You can tell him, Dean.” Cas didn’t say anything more, and Dean didn’t push him. He was still concerned about what Cas had said at the doctors, that he _knew_ he was being drugged. He hoped Cas knew that he could talk to him, about anything.

“I just wanted you to know, if you ever need to talk about, like, anything, I’m – I’m here, ok?” He sounded like a damn teenager, but he didn’t know how to handle the shit storm they were in. He’d be lucky if Cas even wanted to stay, but he really wanted him too.

“I would understand if you didn’t want me to stay with you anymore, Dean. I seem to be… more trouble than I’m worth.” Dean almost choked when Cas turned to face him, a look of defeat on his face. He parked the Impala in their allotted parking space by the apartment, and turned to Cas.

“What? Why the hell would you even think that, Cas?” He physically restrained himself from reaching across the console to comfort Cas, so he settled on putting his hand across the seat behind him.

“You – you didn’t ask for any of this, Dean. I’m just some guy that you helped from a soup kitchen.” Cas looked away, but not before he caught the broken look on Cas’ face. It infuriated him that he couldn’t _do_ anything. Ellen expressly told him not to tell Cas about that whole _mate_ thing. They both agreed it would put too much pressure on his already overloaded system. It killed him inside that he couldn’t take his mate in his arms and try to make everything better.

“Your not – fuck, you’re not just _some guy,_ Cas.” Dean rubbed his hand over his face, frustrated beyond belief. “I’m gonna help you through this, all of this, ok?” Dean took a massive risk by sliding his hand down to Cas’ arm, and squeezing. Cas didn’t move to remove it, so he took it as a win.

When they got inside, Sam was sitting on the couch. Dean made a beeline for him before he could say anything.

“Uh, can I have a word with you, Sam?” His brother just looked at him, but disappeared into his room for Dean to follow. Dean turned to Cas, who was waiting by the door. “You can have my room, Cas.” The Omega just nodded, before walking carefully into Dean’s room.

“What the hell happened, Dean?” Sam was sat on his bed, frowny face in full force. “He smells terrible!”

“At the doctors, he found out… shit, he was pregnant, Sam.” Dean collapsed down onto Sam’s bed, the weight of their situation finally too much for him. He wasn’t even the one who just lost their kid, and yet there he was, sobbing on his little brother’s shoulder.

“What do you mean, _was,_ Dean?” Sam asked quietly, holding Dean while he shook against his shoulder. It was mortifying and horrible, but if anyone was allowed to see him like that, it was Sammy.

“It didn’t have a god damn _heartbeat,_ Sammy!” The tears were falling thick and fast, and he just couldn’t stop them. He didn’t _want_ to, because it felt good to get all the emotion out. Sam just rubbed his back and made soothing sounds, trying to calm Dean down.

“I know it’s awful, Dean, but you have to be strong for him. He’s an Omega, so he’s gonna need a lot of physical contact.” Dean disentangled from his brothers arms, and sniffed, rubbing at his eyes.

“You think I don’t know that?” He knew perfectly well that Cas needed comfort and contact, but he didn’t know how to do that without crossing some kind of line. “I just – I want to be there for him, Sammy, but he’s my _mate._ ”

“I know Dean, but right now? You’ve just gotta be his friend.” Damn Sam and his sensei like advice. His brother was right, _of course,_ so Dean would try his damndest to show him he could do it.

He made his way back to his room, but stopped before he knocked on the door. It was a lot for all of them to absorb, but they could get through it.

“Cas?” He opened the door as he knocked, which seemed a bit shitty but he kept going. He spotted Cas curled up under the covers, his dark head of hair peeking out the top. Dean hesitated, lingering by the door. He didn’t know whether to wait for Cas to invite him, or to just go for it. Luckily, the Omega decided for him.

“Dean?” He drew the blanket away from his head, peering at Dean with his big blue eyes.

“Hey, Cas. Um, do you want me around?” He’d do anything for Cas, whatever he wanted. Cas sat up slightly, and fiddled with the blanket cover.

“Um, yeah, Dean, if that’s alright.” Dean was over to him before Cas had even finished talking. The Omega was shaking and cold, but he declined the pain medication when Dean asked. “I just need… contact, Dean.” Cas seemed hesitant to point it out, but Dean shrugged it off. He must have been feeling like crap because of… _Everything._

 Dean eased onto the bed behind Cas, but kept himself above the blankets. He would keep that barrier, until Cas chose to break it.

“Thank you, Dean.” Cas moved back against him, trying to get a bit more contact. Dean slid his hand down Cas’ arm and laced their fingers together. The Omega sighed, relaxing slightly. “For everything. I – I owe you my life.” Dean closed his eyes and tried to ignore the wetness on his hand as Cas moved their intertwined hands up to his cheek.

“Don’t mention it, Cas. Your family now, and with us? Family doesn’t end in blood.”


	4. Long Nights, Strange Men

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is another one, sorry its so short, but i really wanted to leave it there hahaha. 
> 
> Please Leave a Comment or Two! I really appreciate them!! Oh and Kudos lol!
> 
> Stay classy!

The physical pain faded after a few days, but the pain killers did nothing to dampen the mental pain he knew would follow him for the rest of his life.

He had been pregnant, and had not even known. He of all people knew life was harsh, but for it to be taken away before he had even had the chance to enjoy it, to _hope_ at all…

Cas scrubbed at his face, refusing to let the tears fall. He was done with all the Omega bull shit he had been fed for all those years. He was _not_ weaker, no matter what anyone said.

Through some small mercy, he couldn’t remember the endless streams of filthy Alphas that had frequented his bed, but he did remember the vile things he had been taught. Every time he did something out of sorts, Dean would give him this _look,_ like he was trying to decide which century he was from, as if he didn’t know how the world worked.

Dean didn’t know, how could he, that Cas _didn’t_ know how the outside world worked, what the hell he was supposed to do in it except obey his Alphas wishes and lay on his back.

The very thought made him so _angry_ that he could hardly bare it.

He was so _confused,_ but a part of him from _before,_ a strong, stubborn part, refused to conform to what he had been taught. It was that part that had him on the receiving end of so many beatings over the years, but he refused to let it go. It was the only piece of himself that he had left.

The two parts fought constantly, vying for attention whenever he did something, or was asked anything.

He just wished he could _remember_ what he had been like before he was drugged, instead of vague bits of emotion that filtered through at the most inopportune times.

Cas sat up in Deans bed, because the Alpha had been gracious enough to let him sleep in it for the week since his… _procedure._ Another thing he didn’t understand, why Dean was allowing him use of his bed without letting Cas at least ease him when he came in each night to give Cas his comfort.

It infuriated him that he didn’t know how the world worked, but he knew that Dean would teach him, fairly and with patience. Because he wanted to learn, he _needed_ to learn, so that he could be a contributing member of the family he had apparently been welcomed into.

A knock at the door pulled him from his musings, and he turned towards the Alpha peeking through the door.

“Uh, oh, your awake, cool, um do you want breakfast in here or out with me?” Dean asked him like an equal, gave him _options,_ which still amazed him. Cas decided he needed to get out of bed, since he’d spent far too much of his life in one.

“I will be out in a moment, Dean, thank you.” It had taken some time for him to break the habit of calling Dean _Alpha,_ and he still slipped up from time to time, but he was getting there.

“I’ll chuck some toast in for ya, some proper bread, not that fruity shit Sam likes.” Cas smiled, and Deans eyes lit up when he saw it. The brother’s relationship and interactions were a constant source of amusement for him.

Dean left him to shower and change, which he appreciated more than the Alpha would ever know. A few months ago, he was never alone, always with someone or another. Being left to his own devices was… both a relief and a challenge. He had had to work out the shower himself, too proud to ask Dean how to change the water temperature. That first night had been a _very_ hot shower.

He found Dean sitting at the table, reading a newspaper. He stood a little to the side, unsure what he was supposed to do. Maybe… yes, that seemed appropriate.

He walked over to where Dean was sitting, and proceeded to kneel down beside the Alpha with his back to the table. He held his head down, as a sign of respect, and waited for his response.

What he _got,_ was a choking exclamation.

“Dude, what the _fuck_ are you doing?” Dean honestly sounded surprised, and Cas chastised himself. Of course it was the wrong thing to do, he should have seen that. “Get up here.” Cas stood up awkwardly, still a slight twinge in his belly. He faced Dean, but kept his head down. He flinched when a hand, Dean’s hand, cupped him under the chin. “What have I said about all the submission crap?” Dean sounded… angry. That would not do.

“I am sorry, Dean, is there anything I can do to make repent for my mistake?” Cas looked up then, and met wide green eyes.

“We’re really gonna have to talk about this, Cas.” Dean sounded weary, and Cas knew it was his fault. Everything he did was wrong, and he didn’t know how to fix it.

“Dean I –” The façade was shattering, broken glass among the ruins of his life. “I need you to help me understand.” It was the first step to salvation, and hopefully, earning his place beneath the Alphas that ruled the house.

* * *

 

“Cas, can you – can you tell me what you remember?” Dean was asking quietly, treating him as a spooked animal instead of the worried and confused Omega that he was. Maybe Dean thought it would help calm him, and Cas almost chuckled at the thought. Simple words did not heal mental wounds. Bandages and pills could sooth the ache on the surface, but what of the broken cracks of his soul?

What could possibly mend what the eye could not see?

He cast his thoughts back as far as he could, but it was a murky quagmire of bodies, pain and humiliation. His own mind was trying to protect itself from the very memories he was trying to summon.

“I cannot, Dean, I am sorry.” He was, he truly was, because if he could not remember, that meant he could not face his demons.

He could not heal.

Cas watched as Dean scrubbed his face with his large, calloused hand. It was a nice hand, rough and hard from years of work, but still held a gentleness about it that made him ache with the need to hold it. He knew he couldn’t, of course, but he could still imagine.

“It’s ok, Cas, I’m not gonna push you.” Dean bit his lip, and Cas looked away, because hands were one thing, but lips were an entirely different beast. “I just think it’d help if you could remember, that’s all.” Cas took a risk, and shook his head.

“Do you always assume to know what’s best for everyone?” He saw something in Dean’s eyes, then, a sort of spark igniting behind his eyes.

“That’s – that’s good, Cas!” He had no idea what Dean was referring to, so he frowned. “Disagreeing with me, questioning, speaking your mind! I want you to do that every time you don’t agree with me, alright?” Dean was nodding, a wide smile on his handsome face, so of course Cas couldn’t very well say no.

“I’m afraid that would be quite a frequent occurrence, Dean.” He clapped a hand over his mouth, horrified at what he had said. Surely some punishment would –

Dean _laughed._

“Oh god, that’s _awesome,_ if Sam coulda heard you say that.” The Alpha wiped his eyes, but Cas just blinked at him. He had no idea his disobedience would be met with such mirth.

* * *

 

Dean kept to his promise and didn’t push him further, which he appreciated. He was still exhausted and healing from the _procedure,_ which he flat out refused to call an abortion. He didn’t _want_ to get rid of his baby, but that choice was taken away from him when it had _no heartbeat._

He sat on the couch as Dean finished the dishes, and tried to concentrate on his surroundings. His eyes flashed from the large Tv, to the overflowing bookcase, and back to his trembling hands, all in quick succession. He didn’t understand why his hands were shaking, but it was probably related to the way his heartbeat was steadily increasing.

“Dean?” The Alpha made a noise from the kitchen, and came out wiping his hands on a towel.

“You ok, Cas?” There was concern in Dean’s voice, and Cas wondered if he could smell the worry coming from him.

“Would it be alright if I had a nap?” Dean nodded vigorously.

“Yeah, of course, Cas. I’ll wake you up when lunch is ready?” Cas hadn’t really expected Dean to say no, so he rose from the couch, telling Dean “Please”, before walking into Deans room.

The tremors intensified, followed by his racing heart. He sat down on the bed, bracing himself, trying to force his heart and hands to calm. When that failed, he lay down on the bed, and closed his eyes. The blackness surrounded him, but did not lull him into sleep.

A sound in the room roused him, so he turned weary eyes towards the source of the noise. Dean wouldn’t have come into the room without knocking, and the sound certainly wasn’t knuckles against wood.

Cas studied the figure leaning against the bookcase in the corner, one leg crossed easily against the other. He wore a suit, clean and polished. Someone once told him a lot could be told about a man, from his suit. Cas thought the suit wearing man in the corner looked like the devil.

He wasn’t half wrong.

The man in the corner moved, and Cas almost swallowed his tongue. His heart stuttered and almost stopped in his chest, the only thing keeping it going was the wave of anger and fear that surged though his veins.

The man looked up at Cas’ stuttered breath, and _smirked._

“Hello, Darling. Miss me?”


	5. He's In The Class A Team, Stuck In His Daydream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah i changed the title to suit my story, so shoot me lol. 
> 
> Another one so fast? Don't expect this all the time, lol, the next few days are HECTIC so this might be the last one for a few days!
> 
> Please remember to comment! And kudos!
> 
> Love yous!

Dean scrubbed the dishes with a vengeance. His mom had always said that doing chores let the mind wander and focus on what it needed to. All Dean could think about was the Omega in the next room, and whatever fucked up shit he’d been through in his short, miserable life.

He refused to even think about the doctor’s visit, because that shit needed at _least_ three beers before it would become even remotely bearable.

No, what he thought about was Cas hesitating _every time_ he was asked a question, and inevitably doing or saying the most submissive thing he possibly could.

Dean shivered when he thought about the breakfast incident; the poor guy had sat down and waited to be fed like a damn _dog_ for fuck sake. It was like something out of the dark ages.

At least Cas had openly asked for help, that was a step in the right direction. He was so very lucky his boss had given him loads of time off. He understood the sensitive nature of the situation, especially coupled with the failed pregnancy, the drugs _and_ the fact that they were mates. It seemed like Cas was the only one in the dark about the whole _mates_ thing.

Dean sighed and put down the scrubbing brush. His mind was _not_ calm, and he didn’t even have Sam there to bounce ideas off. He was off with Gadreel at some charity thing Jody had set up. She’d only let Dean out of it because of Cas, which he was _kinda_ glad for. To make things even worse, Cas’ drugs had run out today, because Ellen had said to let things take their natural course.

He probably should have told Cas before he went for his nap, but he didn’t see the harm in waiting until he woke up.

Dean had just walked into the living room to collect their mugs when he heard a crash come from within his bedroom. He frowned, because he doubted whether Cas would _actually_ be throwing his stuff around. It was probably from the neighbours, they could be loud from time to time.

Then the screaming started.

He was through the door of his room before he even realised he hadn’t knocked, but he didn’t care. Cas was clearly in danger, or something equally life threatening, if the crouching Omega in the corner flinging anything he could reach into the other corner, was anything to go by.

Dean ducked and narrowly missed being hit by a book, as he slowly made his way over to Cas.

“Cas! What’s wrong?” He didn’t understand what the hell was happening, but he hazarded a guess that it could _possibly_ have something to do with the withdrawal drugs running out. Cas just screamed at the corner again, shaking his head.

“Run Dean! He’ll take you too!” Another book went flying, and Dean was close enough to see the tears streaming down Cas’ face. It made his heart ache to see his mate in so much distress. He didn’t know who Cas was talking about, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was getting Cas calm again.

“Cas, its ok, buddy,” Dean inched closed, dropping slowly to his knees as he went. “There isn’t anyone here.” Cas just shook his head.

“He’s going to take me back!” Cas surged forwards, arms encircling Dean tightly. Dean shuffled so he was back in the corner Cas was sitting in. He couldn’t help himself, it being the most physical contact he had had with his mate since they had met. He closed his eyes and sighed, bring his arms around Cas to hold him close. With one hand, Dean buried his fingers into Cas’ surprisingly thick hair, while with the other, he held the Omega as close to him as he dared. Cas was still sobbing and shaking, but he had stopped screaming, so Dean took that as a win.

“No one is _ever_ going to hurt you again, Cas.” Dean lowered his face into the crook of Cas’ neck and inhaled the smooth scent of his mate. For that split second, it felt like everything was good in the world, until Dean detected the overlying smell of fear. He wanted nothing more than to kiss and lick his Omegas neck, to scent mark him properly, but even he knew the midst of a drug induced craze was _not_ the right time to do such a thing.

Cas just whimpered and shook, and for the first time, Dean felt how _small_ Cas actually was. It scared him to think how close to starvation his mate had come. He endeavoured to feed him up and get him back to what would be a good weight.

“You can’t promise such a thing, Dean.” He almost smiled at the defiance in his Omegas voice, but the pain in his voice stopped him. He couldn’t promise it, but he could damn well try.

“Cas, your right, I can’t promise that, but I _can_ promise that I will do my very best to _try_ and protect you.” Dean took a risk and kissed Cas’ neck quickly, right where he would hopefully one day put his mating bite. “Is that ok?” Dean waited for Cas’ answer without even _breathing,_ he was so damn nervous. What if he said no? What if –

“Yes, Dean.” His simple answer stumped him for a second, before he grinned.

“Good. No how about you tell me what you were throwing my books at.” Cas was still buried in his shoulder, which he didn’t mind _at all._ So he wasn’t going to ask him to move. But Dean drew back slightly, so he could talk and breathe. He could barely concentrate taking in that much of his mates scent anyway. Cas shuddered on top of him.

“I – I don’t know what happened, Dean.” He frowned and sighed. Cas either couldn’t remember why he’d done it, or he wasn’t going to tell him. That was alright, Dean just hoped he would _eventually_ open up to him. “I had a small nap, and a noise woke me up.” Dean perked up again when he realised how impatient he’d been, jumping to the conclusion that Cas wouldn’t tell him. “He was – he was standing in the corner, with his damn suit on and he _talked_ to me, Dean.”

“I think it was just a hallucination, Cas. Apparently they’re quite common in the withdrawal process of the drug you were on.” Dean swore he could feel it when Cas relaxed against him, and it made him feel infinitely better. He had done his job and calmed his Omega. His inner Alpha practically purred with happiness.

“It was – It wasn’t real?” Cas sounded so damn hopeful, that Dean nodded enthusiastically, happy to be the bearer of good news.

“Nope, was just a figment of your imagination.” Dean rubbed the Omega back soothingly, and Cas’ scent crept down from red alert to cautious, steadily. “I’m gonna be right here with you until they stop, is that alright?” He knew the importance of giving Cas options, because he clearly had very few wherever the hell he was before Dean had found him. The Omega didn’t even hesitate, which made the Alpha practically sing.

“Yes, Dean, I would like that.” Dean hugged him closer, selfishly taking as much contact as he could. He’d never claimed to be a great person, so anyone that said so could bite his perfectly toned ass.

“Um, can I ask, and I totally understand if you don’t want to answer this, but who did you see in the corner?” Dean bit his lip while he waited, worrying it between his teeth. Sam said his curiosity would be the death of him one day, but he hoped today wasn’t it, because he _really_ wanted to know.

“I will answer Dean, you deserve to know, after all you have done.” Cas pulled himself away from the protection of Deans embrace, but didn’t totally break it. “I saw someone I remember from _before,_ and it scared me.”

“Who did you see, Cas?” If Cas had been kidnapped, and not gone of his own free will, he might have a family out there looking for him. Dean was both terrified, and excited by that prospect. It would mean more people to support Cas, and that was what he needed.

“I saw – I saw the man who took me.” Dean swallowed thickly, as all his worst fears came to the surface. Of course the poor guy had been taken, that was how those people worked, wasn’t it? Get them small enough and they could be trained to do whatever their _masters_ wanted them to do. Dean’s jaw clenched in anger, but he smothered the growl trying to escape.

“Do you know the guy’s name?” Dean felt Cas start to shake again, as he no doubt dredged up whatever memories that he could. He hated himself for doing it, but it was a necessary evil, if Dean was going to find his family.

“His name… was _Crowley_. No first name, just that. He probably thought it made him more intimidating.” Dean almost grinned at the sarcasm in his mate’s voice, and for a moment he was so proud of how far Cas had come in a few short days.

“How old were you, Cas?” Dean really didn’t want to picture it, but he had to know, in order to tell Jody. She was the one to find shit out, and she would help him, he was sure.

“I was seven, Dean.”

Fuck the world was an ugly place.

* * *

 

Somehow, despite all the drugs in his system that made him forget, he was _still_ able to remember the day he was taken.

He was walking home from school; his little brothers hand in his, like his mother had told them. They only lived a few blocks from the school, in a quiet town he couldn’t remember the name of. There must not have been much or any crime, because he remembers a lot of children walking to and from school.

It was a hot day in summer, and he was itching to get home to their pool. They were walking quickly, their palms sweaty and slick. His mother had told them about stranger danger, and what to do if it happened.

Run, they were told.

If you run, they won’t chase you.

Of course she was wrong.

Cas didn’t see the black van easing up behind them, but his little brother did. He tugged on his brother’s hand, shooting wide eyed, scared glances behind them. Cas caught on quickly, and he knew as soon as he turned around that it was too late.

He turned back to his brother and yelled for him to run, and luckily, he obeyed without pause. Even at five years old, his brother was quick, very quick. His little brother was being let into the nearest house even before large, unfamiliar hands dragged Cas into the back of the van.

Even after all those years, he fully believed that his actions saved his little brother from going through the hell he had to endure.

Some days, that was all that kept him going.

* * *

 

Dean was openly crying by the time Cas had finished telling him what little he could remember. He had never seen an Alpha express such emotion, well, apart from furious rage or savage lust. Seeing the tenderness in Dean’s expression as he held Cas close to him, it warmed something in his heart.

Dean Winchester was slowly melting the icy wall around his heart, and for the first since he met the Alpha, he wasn’t afraid. The thought was actually… comforting. It made him feel protected and secure, even if that side of his biology usually disgusted him.

“I don’t… I just… fuck, Cas, I’m so sorry.” Dean continued to be a mystery to him. Cas cocked his head to the side, and frowned.

“You don’t have to apologise, you did nothing wrong.” Cas frowned and shuffled forward, resting his forehead against Deans.

“I know, Cas, I’m just – I’m sorry that you had to go through that.” Dean’s compassion surpassed anything Cas had ever experienced, and it warmed him from the inside out. Cas nuzzled in to the Alphas neck and revelled in the comfort it gave him.

Dean stuck to his word, only leaving Cas’ side to go to the bathroom, and get them food. He allowed Cas to creep close to him in bed and latch onto him. Cas was quickly coming to trust Dean, but some small part of him was still cautious.

The hallucinations only came once more, and again it was the man, _Crowley._ He didn’t say anything, just stood in the corner and spread his lips into a nefarious smirk.

Dean held him through it, but he was strong. He did not cry nor scream. His righteous anger fuelled his spirit, burning from the inside out. Crowley’s image flickered and vanished, and Cas sighed, turning into Deans firm, muscled shoulder.

“I wish to stay here, Dean.” Cas had come to a decision a few days ago, but he had been hesitant to voice his opinions. He had been worried Dean would reject him, not wanting a broken Omega in his house, or his life. But the Alphas actions over the past few hours had cemented the feeling of belonging deep within him, and he could not imagine leaving, not when everything he was beginning to want, and hope for, was right there in the bed next to him.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Cas.”


	6. Been This Way Since Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry that these chapters are so short, but sometimes it just feels right to leave it there. Plus, it means i can post more frequently. I PROMISE the next one will be longer, and it will be FULL of fluff. 
> 
> Thank you SO MUCH for all your comments and kudos!
> 
> Leave more and i will love you!!

Cas finally fell asleep an hour before Sam arrived home from work. Dean had managed to creep out without waking him, but it was a struggle. The little guy was like a damn octopus, not that Dean minded. The tighter he clung, though, the more Dean was reminded of the child that was more than likely starved of the right kind of cuddling. It caused his gut to twist painfully, and Dean couldn’t help holding Cas tighter against him, as if trying to protect him from the world that had treated him so badly.

“Dude, you look like hell.” Sam was always straight to the point, and most days Dean was glad of it. It meant no beating around the bush. Not today.

“Don’t, Sam. Just… don’t.” Sam clearly sensed something was wrong, probably by Dean’s tone and posture. He was slumped on the couch with his head in his hands. His body couldn’t decide if it wanted to eviscerate everything within a ten mile radius, or curl into a little ball of sadness and cry until he didn’t have any liquid left in his body.

Whoever said Alphas were big, tough, emotionless sons a bitches needed to take a reality check. They felt every bit as helpless and alone as the next Omega or Beta. Just because they had a knot, didn’t mean they were black voids of nothingness where their hearts were. No, if possible, they felt _more_ because they were so tuned to protecting their mate, making them feel safe and secure, that when they _weren’t,_ it felt like they were imploding.

Dean took a breath to centre himself, before turning to his brother. He would need his help, and Jody’s, to find Cas’ family. He wouldn’t tell the Omega, not until he was sure they were still out there, and that they could be found. Once he had found them, _then_ he would give Cas the choice.

“I’m sorry, Sam. I just… it got real heavy with Cas tonight, and I’m not sure how to handle it.” Sam put his monster hand on Dean’s shoulder, and the simple touch made him feel about ten times better. “I mean, I’m _trying,_ but sometimes he tells me something, and I can’t even imagine a horror like it, you know?” Dean wasn’t sure whether Cas would want Sam knowing the horrible details of his confinement, but who else could _Dean_ talk to, if not his little brother?

“It’s ok, Dean. You’re doing a great job. Hell, we were so lucky to find him, I can’t even believe it.” Sam smiled a small, sad smile. “Sure, he’s a little banged up, but if anyone can fix him, it’s you, Dean.” Sam hugged him then, wrapping his long limbs around Dean and laid his head on his shoulder. “You fixed _me_ , Dean; you brought me back from the dead.” Sam was being a _little_ bit over dramatic, but it did make him feel slightly better.

“Aww Sammy, you know how I feel about chick flick moments.” Dean pulled back from Sam with a deflective smirk and a pat on the back. Sam knew what he was like with feelings, so he shrugged it off with his own grin. “So how’s it going with Gadreel?” He really was interested; his brother hadn’t had a proper thing with anyone since… yeah, no.

Sam, the little bitch, _blushed._ “Uh, it’s going great, actually. We’re going to the Roadhouse on Saturday, and uh, I’m gonna talk to him about the whole, _mate thing.”_ Dean could tell how nervous Sam was; just by the way he was stuttering and twitching.

It was _awesome._

“Would ya look at that, little Sammy’s gonna see some action.” Dean gave him his most lascivious smile, and nudged him with his elbow. If it was even possible, Sam blushed _deeper._

“Fuck off, Dean. We’re taking it slow, ok? Neither of us wants to rush into something that… _big,_ you know?” Dean toned it down, but nodded, yeah, he knew. That was why he wasn’t going to tell Cas until he was at least one hundred percent better.

“Yeah, Sam, I hear ya. Uh, there’s something I need your help with, actually. Well, yours and Jody’s.” Sam tilted his head to the side, his interest piqued. “Well, I wana find Cas’ family. He doesn’t remember a whole lot, but I’m gonna try and help him. But I don’t wana tell him until I’m sure I can find them, ok?” Sam nodded, his brows pulled together in a frown.

“Of course, Dean.” He was so glad Sam knew not to ask. He would wait until Dean gave him the information he would need. He had to come to terms with the shit storm Cas had been through, before he gave the details to Sam, and probably scarred him for life. “Make sure to ask him the basic things, full name, age, if he can remember where he grew up, that kinda thing. Um, what – what age he disappeared, too.” Sam looked a little pale when he said it, his silent question hanging in the air like a mist. So his brother had apparently inherited his morbid curiosity, so be it.

“Taken, Sam. He was taken.”

* * *

Leaving Sam to develop who knows how many complexes thinking up various Cas kidnapping scenarios, Dean slipped back into their bedroom. It hadn’t taken him long to start thinking of it as theirs, Cas spent most of his time in there, and Dean slept there every night with him… so… yeah.

He treaded as quietly as possible, but Cas was a pretty light sleeper. The Omega was blinking at him from under a mound of covers before he had even made it to the edge of the bed.

“Dean?” Cas’ voice sounded sleep wrecked and deep, rough around the edges. It went straight to Dean’s dick. He did feel _incredibly_ bad about it, but it was just his body’s reaction to its mate, _his_ mate. He would never try and attempt anything with Cas, not while he was so fragile and broken. But when Cas spoke, his dick tried its best to stand to attention. He wrestled it down with images of Sam naked, hairless cats and every little non sexy thing he could think of.

“Hey, buddy. How you feelin’?” Dean sat down on the bed, angling his body towards Cas’. The other man liked it when he did that, it gave him the knowledge he was the sole focus of Deans attention. Cas yawned, and scratched his chin.

“I am still very tired, Dean.” Cas looked down at the bed and frowned. “I also feel a bit nauseous, as well. Is that also a symptom of withdrawal?” He looked up, hoping to find an answer in Dean’s face.

“Ah, yeah, I think so. That’s what Ellen said to expect, anyway. Let me know if you feel any worse.” The Omega nodded, and now that he was awake, Dean decided it was as good a time as any to get the information he needed. “Um, so, would it be ok if I asked you a couple of questions, Cas?” The Omega cocked his head to the side, and reached for the glass of water by the bed.

“Yes, Dean, of course. What kind of questions? I’m afraid I may not remember a lot of what you might wish to know.” Cas looked downright ashamed that his memory wasn’t the best, so Dean shook his head.

“Nah, man, it’s all good. I’m not like, expecting anything, so don’t worry.” Dean chewed his lip, wondering how he could justify asking Cas the sorts of questions he’d need answers to.

He watched as Cas took a big gulp of water and then replaced the glass.

Suddenly, it clicked.

“Jody, she has this Omega register that helps her keep track of who comes into the shelter. It’s totally confidential, only Jody, and obviously me, will know the information. Is that alright?” Dean damn well hoped so, because that would make finding the poor guys family _so much_ easier.

“I understand, Dean. You may ask whatever you wish, and I will try my best to answer.” Cas gave him his full attention, and Dean breathed a sigh of relief. Dean pulled out his phone and pulled up a notes app.

“Alright, first question, what’s your full name?” Cas’ sharp intake of breath was indication enough that they had reached their first hurdle. On the first question, too.

“Um, Cas – Castiel… No – I – Dean?” The Alpha was on him in an instant, pulling the Omega close to him. Cas was trembling in Deans arms, and he was worried. Something as simple as a name shouldn’t cause such a reaction.

“It’s ok, Cas. We got Castiel, right? How many dudes have that name?” Dean tried to make a joke, which probably wasn’t the best idea. Cas just nodded weakly, still shaking against Deans shoulder. “How about you just stay there for now, how does that sound?”

“If that’s alright, Dean.” The Alpha nodded, stroking his hand up and down the Omegas back in a soothing motion.

“You bet it is, now, can I ask a different question?” Dean waited for Cas’ nod before he continued. “Ok, how old are you?” He looked like he was at least twenty, but he could have been younger. Dean was terrible with telling peoples ages. Cas shuffled against his shoulder.

“What year is it, Dean?” Cas sounded like he was trying to work something out, but didn’t have all the pieces to form the bigger picture. A cold slice of fear started to worm its way down to Dean’s belly.

“Um… twenty fifteen?” Dean couldn’t even bring himself to be embarrassed about his voice cracking at the end. Cas was _working out how old he was,_ based on the goddamn _year._

“I believe that makes me… Twenty five, Dean.” He was pretty damn proud of how he managed to swallow down the whine that threatened to burst forth when he did that math, and his already short circuiting brain informed him that Cas had been, _wherever he’d been,_ for a good _eighteen fucking years._

How does – how does a person even _survive_ that long, let alone keep some semblance of themselves, in a place like that?

Cas must have been, no, must _be,_ one strong son of a bitch.

Dean cleared his throat, and hoped he hid most or all of his shock. “Ok, good, you look pretty damn young for your age, Cas.”

“That would be because my _owners_ restricted my outdoor time, Dean.” Don’t comment on Cas’ looks, he got that right away. Still a touchy subject. Getting Cas outside more, he would add that to the list.

“Ok. Um, now, don’t freak out, but can you remember where you grew up?” Cas sat back from Deans shoulder, and seemed to be simmering with… _anger?_

“You mean where I was _taken_ from. No, I do not remember, _Dean.”_ He couldn’t help smiling to himself, because apart from the fact that it was _good_ that Cas was being petulant, it was almost unbearably cute as well. He scrunched up his nose and furrowed his brow, and it made his bright blue eyes nearly _shine_ with anger.

It was _fantastic._

It seemed the more Cas talked about what had happened to him, the angrier, and there was no other way to explain it, the more _himself,_ he became. He was sarcastic, biting and pouty. Everything Deans wettest dreams were made of.

“Do you have any more questions?” Cas bit out past the biggest pout Dean had ever seen on a grown man. He almost moaned with the desire to bite the lip, taste it’s probably sweet tenderness.

_Fucking stop that you perv._

His conscience was right, of course, but that didn’t stop him licking his own lips in response.

“No, I, ah, don’t. Should we get back to sleep? I’m really tired; we can try more questions in the morning.” He was desperate to hide his boner, because he didn’t want Cas to feel like he had to deal with it, like he had offered when he first arrived. Every Alpha bone in his body had urged him to say yes, to let his Omega do what he wished. His human side, well, that had _standards._ He wasn’t going to sexually exploit some poor waif he’d found on the streets.

“Alright, goodnight, Dean.” Cas went to turn away, but stopped. He looked back up at the Alpha, and smiled softly. “I am sorry for being rude, Dean. I – I appreciate everything you and Sam have done for me. I think you can understand that I don’t like talking about… what happened to me. But I will try and concentrate on the questions I could not answer, and get you the information you need.” Cas leaned forward, and brushed his lips against the crook of Deans neck. The Alpha shivered, and nothing in the world could have stopped him showing Cas how much he liked that simple gesture.

“Thank you, Cas. I know, I’m – I’m sorry, if I push you. I’m just trying to help and sometimes I get too far ahead of myself.” The Omega smiled, and lay down, but continued to look at Dean. “I’ll be right here though, so don’t worry, because I _will_ keep you safe.” Dean settled down, facing Cas, about an arm’s length between them. It didn’t bother him, Cas usually ended up all over him by the morning anyway.

Right before he dropped off, he could have sworn he heard Cas whisper,

“I know.”


	7. The Worst Things In Life Come Free To Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did i say the next chapter was going to be a happy one?
> 
> I lied. 
> 
> Please comment...

Cas’ withdrawal symptoms seemed to get worse over the next few days, and more than once Dean was left rushing a barely conscious Cas to the bathroom. The stubborn Omega refused to vomit in a bowl by the bed, justifying his reasons by saying that even though he couldn’t smell it, Dean could.

Dean rubbed his hand soothingly up and down the Omegas back as he hunched over the toilet, clenching back muscles moving under his hands as he brought up every last ounce of food left in his stomach. It was hard to watch, seeing his mate in so much pain. He’d kept his promise to both himself, and Ellen, and not said anything about being mates. He didn’t know if it would even make Cas feel better at that point.

Cas seemed to have finished worshipping the porcelain god, and was sagging slightly to the side. Dean used one hand to steady the Omega, while with the other he wet a face cloth, and used it to wipe Cas’ face. The Omega hummed in quiet appreciation, and it made Deans inner Alpha shiver with happiness. He could take care of his mate, even if he didn’t know they were mates.

“Come on, Cas, let’s get you a drink and some crackers.” Cas grumbled but allowed Dean to lift him, bridal style, and carry him to the couch. Dean allowed himself a quick brush of his fingers over Cas’ head, and through his thick, dark hair, before he hurried to the kitchen. He listened to Cas groan as he prepared the small lunch, but it wasn’t a _I’m gonna hurl,_ groan. No, it was a, _my whole body feels like it’s been turned inside out,_ groan.

Dean sat back down on the couch, right in the little place beside Cas’ stomach, and offered him the glass of water. Well, no, he pressed the glass against Cas’ pout and made him drink. He couldn’t suppress his grin at the stubbornness Cas displayed when he was grumpy or angry, which currently, was quite often.

“Cas, you need to keep your fluids up. There shouldn’t be too much more of this crap, but until then I’ve got to keep you hydrated.” Cas huffed but accepted the water, as well as the crackers. Dean was well versed in what withdrawing, grumpy, _stubborn_ patients were likely to eat.

Sam had gladly made the trip to the grocers, always eager to help. He knew exactly the hell Cas was going through, so he wanted to do everything he could to help.

“Please, Dean, take my mind off this relentless pain.” Dean’s insides twisted with the honesty in Cas tone. A small part of him was happy, though, that over the last few days Cas had relaxed somewhat. He had made massive improvements when it came to asking for stuff, but he still struggled with the whole submission thing. Dean wracked his brains as fast as he could for a distraction. He spotted the Tv, and had an idea.

“I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume you’ve never seen star wars?” Cas just gave him a narrow eyed look, but that said all he needed to know. Of course he hadn’t. “Well, we’re gonna start with Episode Four, because the newest three are crap.” After some grumbling and cursing, mainly about Sam and his damn Netflix addiction, Dean found what he wanted and pressed play.

He settled back into the couch, but kept a respectable distance away from Cas. He would let the Omega choose if he wanted to come near the Alpha. As the unmistakeable theme music started, which always sent a thrill up Dean’s spine, and the words began, Cas slowly shuffled his way closer. Dean was happy that he hadn’t asked, because it showed how much the other man was healing.

First a tentative inch, then a few more, before Cas was plastered, shoulder to thigh, right up against him. Dean didn’t want to suppress the happy smile that spread across his face, and he was surprised to be met with an answering smile on Cas’. He didn’t want to push Cas, but he was sort of desperate to put his arm around the Omega. He was just wondering how he could explain his shift in position if it went pear shaped, when Cas took the problem right out of his hands. He huffed grumpily, and picked up Deans arm. The Alpha just stared in amazement as the Omega draped it over his shoulders, shifted slightly to get a more comfortable position, and settled. Dean knew his heart was thumping wildly in his chest, because despite all their bed time snuggling, this was a totally different kind of cuddling. This was… it was going on a first _date_ kind of cuddling.

Dean closed his eyes and willed his heart to calm down. There was no reason to be nervous. Cas couldn’t smell him, so he wouldn’t be able to smell the low grade arousal wafting from him, or the content smell of an Alpha wrapped around his mate.

He had seen the movie enough times to zone out completely and still know exactly what was happening.

By the time the movie had finished, he’d sweated through his shirt and he was sticking to the back of the couch. He was _so_ glad Cas couldn’t smell anything, and he was slightly worried he would notice the epic wetness saturating his armpit. He looked down at the Omega –

Who had fallen asleep right under Dean’s arm without him even noticing, because he was too damn caught up in his own stupid feelings. He cursed himself, but allowed himself a brief moment of contentment. He lowered his mouth to Cas’ hair, ran his lips over the soft strands, and kissed him lightly. Dean closed his eyes briefly, savouring the smell and sound of a peaceful mate in his arms. He didn’t know how Cas was going to react when he eventually found out, and if he didn’t want him…

Dean didn’t know what he would do. He couldn’t force Cas to be his mate, he would never, _ever,_ force the Omega to do anything he didn’t want to do. He’d had enough of that crap in his life. No, if Cas didn’t want to be his mate… well, he would accept it, and go on with his life. He’d look after Sam; he’d be the _best_ goddamn uncle to Sam and Gadreel’s future kids. He would be… accepting, but he didn’t think he would be very happy.

But if that meant that Cas was happy, then so be it. He would _always_ put his mate’s happiness before his own, even if he didn’t want anything to do with Dean once he found out he’d been essentially lying to him.

“Dean, your heart is beating very fast, are you alright?” Cas quiet question scared the absolute crap out of him. His depressing thoughts had taken him so far inside himself he hadn’t even realised Cas was awake. He held himself together, _just,_ but managed a small reply.

“Uh, I just have to go to the bathroom real bad but I didn’t want to wake you.” Cas disentangled himself from Dean and practically shoved him off the couch.

“Dean, please don’t worry about me.” Cas pulled his legs up and lay down fully on the couch, taking full advantage of Deans absence.

“I always worry about you, Cas.” Dean whispered as he walked towards the bathroom, his thoughts swirling around his brain like some never ending plughole. “That’s the problem.”

* * *

 

Cas’ withdrawal symptoms lessened and then cleared up completely over the next few days. Dean was thankful for Sam, who had been a huge lifeline with the outside world. Getting whatever groceries they needed, talking to Jody, all of it. Dean wouldn’t have been able to function if not for his little brother.

Sam cornered Dean one night after Cas had crashed after a long day of Star Wars and the first Lord of the Rings. He was practically vibrating with supressed nerves, so Dean followed him into his bedroom, where his brother shut the door. He wasn’t expecting two hundred pounds of mooseling to crush him in a breath steeling hug.

“He said yes, Dean. He said _yes.”_ Dean was pretty damn confused for a minute, before everything clicked into place. His little brother had a _mate._

“Dude! Didn’t I tell you? Oh man, I’m so happy for you, Sammy!” Dean hugged his brother back fiercely, because despite everything that had happened to them, some shit actually did go right sometimes. Sam pulled back, and Dean wasn’t surprised to see tears in his eyes. It was an emotional moment, they were manly tears.

“I just – I can’t believe it. He’s everything I’ve been looking for, and I can’t believe I found him.” Sam flopped down onto his bed, and ran a hand through his too long hair. Despite his brother ecstatic, shocked mood, Dean felt a stab of pain lance through him when Sam talked about his mate. They were both on the same page, everything was out in the open, they both wanted it…

Sam must have seen something on his face, because he immediately frowned.

“Don’t worry, Dean. When Cas gets his smell back, he’ll be so happy you’re his mate.” Dean scrubbed at his face, he didn’t want to bring down the mood, it was Sam’s time for fuck sake.

“Dude, this isn’t about me. So where are you guys gonna live? We can’t all live here.” Dean’s heart skipped a bit when he realised Sam would move out soon, but he had been expecting it since they had met Gadreel and Sam had felt the first fluttering’s of _mate._

He wasn’t worried though. Sam had Gadreel to take care of him. Dean would always be there for his little brother, whenever he needed him, but Gadreel could do so much more. He was so happy for Sam, but he refused to think of it as an ending. No, it was a beginning, and a bright one at that.

“We, ah, we haven’t really talked about that yet.” Sam blushed, and Dean couldn’t resist teasing.

“Dude, you guys haven’t done _anything,_ have you.” He didn’t even pose it as a question. He knew his brother hadn’t ploughed anyone’s field in a _long_ time. Although, he wasn’t much better.

“He wants – He wants to wait until we’re like, ready, you know?” Dean held in his laugh, with pure physical strength.

“Are _you_ ready, Sammy?”

“Go fuck yourself, jerk.”

“Well, it’s more than you’ll be getting, bitch.” Dean dodged the pillow Sam flung at his head by darting out the door. When he knew the coast was clear, he stuck his head back in. “Seriously, I am so happy for you, Sam. You guys are pretty fucking magical together.” Dean could be a real sap when he wanted, but only at moment like the one he was currently in.

“Thanks, man.” Sam smiled at him, all teeth and puppy dog happiness. “Go chase your mate, I bet he’s getting cold.” Sam flung another pillow at him, so Dean took that as his cue to leave.

He was glad Sam couldn’t see the pain he knew was plastered all over his face.

Dean crept into his room, and hoped their rough housing hadn’t woken the sleeping Omega. His symptoms had all but disappeared, which was _awesome._ A person should _never_ become accustomed to the smell of vomit.

Stripping off quickly, and quietly, Dean slipped under the covers. Cas turned over and blinked sleepily at him, his hair ruffled and so damn adorable.

“Dean? Is everything alright?” Cas rubbed a hand across his eyes, bright blue peeking out from under his heavy lids. Dean would never get tired of looking into his eyes.

“Yeah, man, everything’s good.” Dean debated with himself, wondering whether to tell Cas about Sam. He would find out eventually, so it was probably better coming from him. “Ah, you know Sam was seeing an Omega?” Cas nodded, so Dean continued. “Well, Sam asked Gad to be his mate and he said yes.” Dean watched as Cas literally shrunk away from him, the closed off, blank expression from when he first came into Deans life slamming down over his face. Deans felt sick and cold; he didn’t know what the hell he’d done.

“That’s – that’s good. Good for him.” Cas sounded so _hollow,_ it was as if all the emotion had been sucked out of him.

“Cas, what’s wrong?” Dean wanted to reach across, to comfort, to hold, _anything,_ but he didn’t, because he didn’t think he could handle Cas flinching away from him at that moment. “Please, talk to me.” Cas started shaking, but Dean knew it had nothing to do with his withdrawals.

“I don’t – I… that word. I just – I associate it with so much pain. From what I can remember… it was said to me a lot. When they were…” Cas trailed off but he didn’t need to finish, because Dean got what he meant. He body felt like it was trying to tear itself apart. One half was so _angry_ that someone had touched his mate, while the other… the other half was in absolute despair that the very word he longed to say to Cas was one he might never be able to stomach hearing.

Dean swallowed past his dry mouth, and asked the question he’d been dreading the answer to, but he had to know. He had to know if it was a lost cause, if he was just chasing some dream that would eventually make him crumble into dust.

“Cas, do you think you’d ever be able to be someone’s… other half?” He wouldn’t say the word if it upset Cas.

“I – I don’t know, Dean. I can’t think about that right now. I have to focus on myself.” Cas seemed to have calmed down some, but Dean was still focusing on his frantically beating heart. He almost missed what Cas said. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have a normal relationship… I don’t think it would be fair on the other person. I’m just – I’m too broken.” A single tear flowed down Cas’ face, and Dean couldn’t help himself. He closed the small gap between them, gathering the silently crying Omega into is arms.

He could feel his own heart breaking for not only his mate, but for the life he had imagined for them. It was splintering before his eyes, the jagged ruins piercing his heart one by one, until he was surprised it was even still beating.

Dean could only hold his own tears back for so long, but somehow he managed it. Cas needed him to be strong, and he would, no matter the cost. He felt his throat closing up, but he ignored it. Cas was making a wet patch in his tee shirt, but he just rubbed his back, dragging him as close as he could.

“You’re not broken, Cas. I promise there’s someone out there for you, someone that will fill the cracks you think you have, and you’ll wonder what you ever did without them.” Dean heard his voice wobble at the end, and he hoped Cas didn’t catch it. He just wanted Cas to feel _loved,_ but he didn’t know how unless he said the actual words. He hadn’t said them to anyone except Sam since…

_Mom…_

Dean started singing softly, the song his mom used to lull him to sleep when he didn’t feel well, or he’d had a bad dream. It was the only thing he could think of to calm Cas down.

_“Hey Jude, don't make it bad, Take a sad song and make it better.”_  Cas stilled in his grip, but didn’t pull away. His heart was still beating wildly, but he was listening to Dean, which was a start. He kept singing, choking up on some of the lyrics. “ _Remember to let her into your heart, Then you can start to make it better.”_ He just wanted Cas to be happy, and not feel so alone.

He sang further, letting his fingers trail up into Cas’ hair, stroking in a soothing pattern. He didn’t bother hiding the tears any more, as they trailed down his face. Everything was so bad, and he didn’t know how to fix it. _“And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain, Don't carry the world upon your shoulders.”_ Cas clung to him, and he realised the sobbing he could hear wasn’t coming from Cas.

It was coming from _him._

He hadn’t even realised how upset he was, until he started singing, and the lyrics related so damn well to their shit situation. Cas was the one making soothing noises to Deans hiccups and fucking sniffling. He hadn’t wanted Cas to see him so weak and vulnerable, but damnit, there was only so much he could take.

“It’s ok, Dean.” Cas guided their heads together, forehead to forehead. Dean tried to gulp in as much air as he could, but it was impossible. He could feel the hole in his heart opening where his mate was supposed to dwell, and even though his inner Alpha thought his mate was in his arms, _Dean_ knew it was close to impossible. Cas would never want him. When he was better, and Dean _would_ make him better, he would want to get as far away from any reminder of his old life as possible.

And that included Dean.

“Please, Dean, what’s wrong?” Cas sounded close to frantic, and Dean didn’t realise he had been holding Cas so hard until he let go. He was shaking, his inner self battling with his own human consciousness. He was unbalanced, and it was dangerous. He needed to be on equal footing with his Alpha, or things went south, real fast.

He closed his eyes and breathed in slowly though his nose, and out through his mouth. Thank Christ for Sam and his mandatory yoga sessions. He could still feel Cas’ hands running over his shoulders and chest, somehow he had ended up on his back, and the feeling was both calming and deeply depressing.

It took some time, but eventually his breathing and heartbeat evened out enough for him to open his eyes. He had warred with his inner Alpha, but managed to sooth it by basically lying to himself. As long as Cas was around, his Alpha would be happy, even if Dean himself was miserable.

Cas wouldn’t be able to tell, but Sam would.

“Dean?” Cas sounded so damn fearful, and Dean could have kicked himself. All he had wanted to do was make the Omega feel better, and instead he’d probably freaked the shit out of him.

“I’m ok, Cas, I’m ok.” Dean turned over, and managed a small smile. “I’m sorry you had to see that. My, ah, my mom used to sing that too me and I always get kinda struck by it, you know?” Cas just nodded, before slowly approaching Dean. The Alpha lifted his arm and allowed Cas to snuggle in right against his chest.

It wasn’t long before Dean felt Cas’ breathing even out and his body grow slack with sleep. He took a shaky breath in, and kissed the top of Cas’ head. It would break his heart being near Cas while knowing there was next to no chance of them getting together, but if it made Cas happy, at least for a little while, then so be it.

He could deal.


	8. And He Don't Want To Go Outside Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope i didn't traumatize you guys with the last chapter. 
> 
> Here's another...
> 
> PLEASE COMMENT
> 
> I LOVE THEM.

He had been with the Winchesters for a month, and while all of his withdrawal symptoms had dissipated, his sense of smell had not returned. He doubted it ever would. Even without his sense of smell, though, he could tell there was something very wrong with Dean.

The Alpha was polite, always with a smile and a laugh when Cas asked something he found amusing, or his brother teased him. But there was a sadness about him, a reservation that kept the smile from reaching his eyes and the strain behind the smile caused his jaw to tighten.

Dean didn’t think Cas saw it, too caught up in his own misery of lost offspring and the cloud of drug induced haze. It was barely the case, but Cas didn’t correct Dean in his assumption. It gave him the opportunity to observe, and Dean generally let his guard down when he was tired.

He might not have his nose, but he still had his _eyes._

After that night, where Dean had sung to him, and broken down, it seemed something had _shifted_ in the Alpha. He no longer initiated contact, only waiting for Cas to go to him. In the mornings, where usually Dean would be wrapped around him in a mess of arms and legs, Cas would wake to find an empty, cold bed.

It made him ache, in ways he wasn’t accustomed to, but he couldn’t exactly talk to Dean about it. He didn’t want the Alpha pulling away further, at least not while he had no idea _why._

If it was something he had done, he would try and fix it, but he couldn’t for the life of him figure it out. He wished, not for the first time, that he had the full range of his senses at his disposal. He would be able to sense exactly which situations Dean was uncomfortable in, and he would stop. But without them…

“Come on, Cas. Faster we do this, faster we can get home.” Dean smiled at him from across the large car, but again it didn’t reach his eyes. Cas wished he could read the Alphas mind, delve into its depths and know _why_ Dean was acting so strange. Cas just nodded and followed Dean into the doctor’s office.

Ellen met them in the waiting room, showing an elderly patient where reception was. Cas smiled at her, but the memory of his last visit flashed through his mind, and it wilted. Dr Harvelle seemed to know, smiling sadly back at him.

“Come on, hun, let’s check you out.” She gestured towards her office, and nodded over his shoulder to Dean. He didn’t miss her narrowed eyed glare at the Alpha, but he shrugged it off. It was probably nothing to do with him, so he followed the doctor inside.

She took his blood pressure, commenting that it was all within normal range. His height and weight were taken, where he was told he needed to eat and exercise more. He looked at Dean, who shrugged from the corner.

“I can take him running or walking, whatever.” Cas looked away, his eyes studying the floor. He didn’t want either of them to see the hurt look in his eyes. He didn’t understand why Dean had changed, but he was so worried he had changed his mind. What if he didn’t want the inconvenience of a broken, useless Omega? What if Dean threw him out of his house, the streets being his only option? What if –

“Castiel, you need to breathe.” He hadn’t realised he had started shaking, and when he looked up, tears broke free of his lashes, streaking down his face in droves.

“I’m sorry, I’m very sorry –” Ellen cut him off with a squeeze of his shoulder.

“Don’t you be apologising, now, there aint nothing to be ashamed of.” Ellen glanced at Dean, and pursed her lips. “Do you want Dean to leave, Castiel?” The question froze him in his seat, but he didn’t know what to do. He really did need to talk to Ellen about his fears, because bottling them up inside was helping no one. He took a careful glance at Dean, who was still standing in the corner, eyes to the ground. He just emanated unhappiness, and it was too distressing not to do anything about it. He’d known Dean about a month, and in that time he had shown himself to be utterly selfless, kind, protective and supportive.

It would have been difficult in normal circumstances not to start feeling a connection to the Alpha, but considering the role Dean had taken in Cas’ life… it was near impossible to stop the attraction he was beginning to feel. He had tried to fight it, at first, because he knew he needed to focus on himself, but then he realised something which made him stop and think. He didn’t _need_ to focus on Dean, because it was so _easy._ Their relationship, what it was at that point, was effortless.

That was, until Dean had inexplicably pulled himself away and buried himself under his blanket of depression.

He needed to get to the bottom of Deans emotional withdrawal, because he knew without Dean he wouldn’t be able to heal properly. Yes, it did irk him that he needed an Alpha at all, considering how they had treated him in the past, but Dean was _different._ He was unlike any Alpha he had ever met, and it gave him a little bit of hope for the future. Even if he never found his… complete match… he liked to think Dean would be at least a close enough second to be compatible.

If Dean even wanted him.

He shook his head, he couldn’t think about that side of the argument right now. No, he had to find out why Dean was acting the way he was, and maybe Ellen had the answer.

“Um, yes, if that wouldn’t be too much trouble.” He caught the hurt look that crossed Dean’s face, but the older man seemed to smother it before it could take root. He just nodded before disappearing out the door. Cas turned back to Ellen, who was studying him with a sad look on her face. He was getting tired of people looking at him like that.

“Now why don’t you tell me what’s really bothering you, hun.” Ellen sat back and folded her arms, clearly waiting for him to start.

“Well, it’s hard to describe. As I don’t have use of my senses, I cannot smell him, but Dean…” He looked up from where his hands were folded in his lap, to make sure Ellen was alright with him talking about the Alpha. She nodded. “Everything was going well. I thought it was, anyway. I was getting better, he was relaxed… then one night, Sam returned home with the news of his imminent … _mating_.” Cas tensed when he spat the word out, and Ellen seemed to notice, because she touched his knee comfortingly. “Dean was so very happy for him. We talked and… I told him about how I feel about _it_ in regards to myself and … well… everything changed from there.” Cas let out a shaky breath, and he hated feeling like he was in trouble, like it was _his_ fault that Dean was acting so out of sorts.

“How do you feel about… the bonding process… Castiel?” He appreciated the way Ellen phrased it, she was a very good doctor, picking up on little things.

“As I explained to Dean, the _word_ was thrown around a lot when I was being…” He didn’t need to continue, based on the look across Ellen’s face.

“I can understand why it makes you uncomfortable, then. But I want you to understand something, alright, Castiel?” He tensed, because he knew he had been in the wrong, he should never have questioned Dean. It was stupid, it was – “Dean has some very deep seated issues, I can’t tell you why, that aint my place, but I can tell you that it is _absolutely,_ not in any way, your fault.” Ellen sighed and rubbed her eyes, suddenly looking very tired. “I know you can’t smell it, but that boy has misery rolling off him in waves. People that didn’t know him would assume he was just having a bad day but me, well, I’ve known him for years. On top of all the misery and unhappiness is a kind of defeat I haven’t smelt on anyone before. It’s almost like… he’s accepted something and now he’s living with the consequences.” Cas blinked away the tears, and stared at Ellen. Not only was she a very good doctor, she was also a very good friend. It was a testament to Dean, the kind of people he shared his life with, Ellen, Jody, Sam. It made him physically _ache_ that he was so unhappy.

He had an awful, gut wrenching feeling it was something to do with him.

“He won’t talk to me, Ellen. I have tried and he just shuts down. I heard Sam and Dean yelling the other day, and he locked himself in his room for hours. I am – I am very concerned about him.” Yes, he had been held captive for so many years he had basically lost count, but that didn’t mean he had lost his compassion. His friend was hurting, and he needed to fix it. “If - if it’s me, well, I can leave. I mean, I don’t have anywhere to go, but I’m sure Jody could find me a place in the Omega shelter.” He didn’t really want to leave, falling asleep in Deans arms every night, even if the last few had been slightly tense, were the best nights of his life. He had never slept so soundly.

When he looked up, Jody was staring at him, and she looked _ropable._ He sat back slightly, almost fearing for his safety. He hadn’t seen anyone so angry since he had told Dean about his past.

“Castiel, you aren’t going anywhere, you hear me? When we’re done, can you ask that _Alpha_ to come in here so me and him can have a little chat?” She spat the word out like it was an insult, which made absolutely no sense to him.

Cas just nodded, more fearful for Deans safety than his own, then.

“Alright, your all clear, by the way. Your tests came back clear for all diseases, infections and drugs.” Cas smiled weakly at her, because that was good news, a relief. “Now, I don’t know when or if your sense of smell will come back, unfortunately. It may come back on its own, or it might not, I’m sorry.”

“That’s alright; I know you cannot do anything about it.” Cas shrugged, because too him, it wasn’t the end of the world. “Betas live without it, I’m sure I can too.” Ellen smiled at him, her eyes crinkling despite her earlier anger at Dean. He could see it still seething beneath her calm exterior, in the tense set of her shoulders and the thin line of her mouth.

“You’re a strong one, Castiel. I think you’re gonna be just fine. Omega to Omega, I think we’re stronger than what some of those arrogant Alphas tell us anyway.” Cas leaned back in shock, because she couldn’t be… there was no way…

“You’re an Omega?” Cas whispered, as if saying it out loud would give away her secret. Ellen just laughed, getting up and moving towards the door.

“You’ve got so much to learn about this world, hun.” She patted him on the back, but her smile fell and her eyes narrowed once she opened the door and spotted Dean sitting hunched in the waiting room. She pointed at the Alpha. “You, in here, _now.”_ Her tone of voice brokered no argument, and Dean shuffled into her office, without even a backward glance.

Cas thought he heard yelling from within the office, but he couldn’t be sure. He hoped Dean wasn’t getting in trouble from what he told Ellen, but it seemed likely, given her demeanour when he had left her office.

He sighed; the whole mess _was_ his fault, no matter what Ellen said. He showed up in Dean’s life, probably when everything was perfect for him and his brother. Dean probably felt some strange need to take care of Cas, because from what he had put together, Sam had been in a similar position once.

He was just trying to decide whether to ask to sleep on the couch, when the door opened and Dean and Ellen walked out. The Omega looked tense, her mouth set in a thin, white line, with her arms folded. Cas’ attention, however, was solely on Dean. The Alpha’s eyes were red rimmed, and he was pale, like he had been crying.

Cas stood up from his chair, but hesitated. He didn’t know if Dean wanted to be touched, if he wanted comfort. He looked to Ellen for any indication, but she just shook her head.

“Should – should I call Sam?” Cas asked, because he didn’t know what else to do. Dean was their way home, and he didn’t look in any fit state to drive. Dean clenched his jaw, and Cas could hear his teeth grinding together. He didn’t know if he was mad, or angry or anything, _damn his useless nose!_

“I’m fine, Cas. Let’s just – let’s just get going.” Dean swept through the waiting room and out the door, but Cas lingered behind, looking at Ellen. The older woman just sighed, all the fight leaving her body in a rush.

“He is one stubborn son of a bitch, I’ll give him that.” When Ellen didn’t elaborate, Cas bit his lip. His taught nature warred with his true nature, one side wanting nothing more than to be told what to do, while the other roared in defiance, telling the world it would figure it out.

“Is there anything I can do?” He wanted desperately to help Dean, but if the Alpha didn’t want to talk, there wasn’t anything he _could_ do. Ellen shook her head, but fixed him with a steely stare.

“Don’t give up on him, no matter what shit he says, alright?” It seemed more like a promise than a question, and it seemed to come from her heart. He would never give up on Dean, though, the one that was slowly teaching him how to be human again.

“I will never give up on Dean. He could go through the trials of hell, and I will _always_ be there to pull him back out.” He meant it, too, which didn’t surprise him. Dean was beginning to mean a great deal to him, more than just a protector and a friend.

“I know you will, hun, that’s why he’s so scared.”

* * *

Dean was standing by the car when Cas emerged from the ordinary looking, white building. He had his muscled arms folded over his wide chest, long, bowed legs crossed casually.

Cas stopped and tried to centre himself. He had a whisper of a thought in the back of his mind, but he couldn’t quite make out what it meant. The way Dean was appearing to him though… he hadn’t ever thought of Dean in that way before. The qualities he had found attractive were all personal, but now that he actually _looked…_ Dean was quite remarkably stunning.

Cas walked forward, on strangely unsteady legs. As he got closer to the Alpha, he studied the way his freckles dusted across his perfect nose, the pink bow of his lips parted slightly by the wet tip of his tongue. Cas felt his heart pounding, and couldn’t pick _why_ it was beating so hard.

Dean was silent on the drive home, and Cas could feel his stomach roiling. He was too hot, too cold, uncomfortable in his skin. He itched, burned and shook. Dean wouldn’t even look at him, despite his constant glances at the Alpha. He felt small, insignificant, _unappealing,_ sat beside the barely contained beauty that was Dean Winchester.

He watched as Dean scented the air and frowned. The Alpha shook his head and pursed his lips. Cas looked out the window as buildings, people, the _world,_ sped past. He couldn’t keep his mind focused on one thought, so he just stopped trying.

The car stopped suddenly, and Cas was surprised to see they were already home.

He had already started thinking of the Winchesters house as home, a safe and comfortable place. When Dean didn’t move from his seat, Cas turned to look at him. He was still holding the steering wheel, long, thick fingers tightening reflexively around the leather. Dean swallowed, not looking at the Omega.

“I’ve got some stuff to sort out, Cas. Um, just go inside, Sam’s home, so if you need anything, just ask him.” Dean’s eyes darted to Cas, then fixed back on the steering wheel.

“Dean… are you alright?” Cas knew that he wasn’t, but it seemed impolite to just tell him how he felt. To give him a chance to explain seemed like the best course of action. Dean chuckled, but the sound echoed hollowly, like bones rattling in the wind.

“Yeah, Cas, I’m just peachy. Head inside, I’ll see you later.” Cas started shaking, because Dean sounded like he wasn’t going to come back. He’d lost so much in his life, he couldn’t lose Dean too.

“I don’t – I don’t want you to go, Dean.” His heart stuttered and the Alpha’s jaw clenched when a low whine escaped the Omegas lips.

“Cas… _please_. Just… I need some time to myself, please don’t make this awkward.” Cas didn’t want to upset Dean further, so he just nodded and let himself out of the car. As soon as he was out, Dean reversed and sped off, tires squealing with burning rubber.

The door opened and Sam walked out, followed by a tall, muscled man with dark hair and a strong face.

“Cas? Where’s Dean?” Sam sounded concerned, and he had every right to be. Dean was gone, with no indication when he was going to return.

“He - he said he needed some time to himself.” Cas started shaking again, and he desperately wanted to get inside, primarily to their bed. He wondered if Dean would object if he put another blanket, or two on top. Cas’ attention, as fragile as it was, turned to the other man present, when he scented the air.

“Sam, we need to get your friend inside, now.” Sam looked at the man in surprise, but nodded slowly.

“Ah, ok… come on inside, Cas. This is Gadreel, by the way.” Sam pointed to the other man, Gadreel, and smiled. “Gad, this is Cas, the Omega I told you about.” Gadreel smiled warmly at Cas, and he immediately felt better for the presence of another Omega. It calmed something in him.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Cas. Sam has mentioned you quite a bit. I was a bit worried that I had some competition.” Gadreel laughed, and patted Sam’s arm. The Alpha looked at him with affection written all over his face. It made something twist within him, seeing them together. It made him realise that he might never have that, the simple affection one gives to another.

“Thank – thank you.” He needed to get out, find himself some small space to hide and wallow. He slipped out while the two lovers where talking to each other in low murmurs, small smiles flickering across their faces.

The bathroom was the closest option, so he shut the door behind him quietly, locking it from the inside. The bland white walls calmed him, easing his breathing, but not his thundering heart.

He slid down the door, holding his pounding head in his hands. He ran through the reasons he could be feeling so unwell, and none of them were particularly pleasant.

Ellen had said his blood was clear of all drugs, so it couldn’t have been the withdrawals wracking his body. Those had been awful, but Dean had been there to help him through. He very much didn’t enjoy the vomiting, but it was definitely preferable to the pounding headache and flushes running through his trembling body.

The only other option was even more terrifying.

He had never had a heat unaffected by drugs.

The very thought shot a spear of fear straight through him, and he realised he was too late. He could see the signs now, increased temperature, rapid heartbeat, thinking about Dean in such a sexual way…

He doubled over in pain, crying out when he thought about Dean. He felt the first waves of slick leak out of his sensitive hole, running down his legs in droves. His mind was clear, though, so when he heard the furious pounding on the door, he wasn’t surprised.

“Cas? Are you alright?” He really wasn’t, he had no idea what was going to happen. His past heats had been a haze of pain, humiliation and fire. He needed Dean there, whether to help him or not, he didn’t know, but even his presence would be better than nothing at all.

“Sam, I appear to have gone into heat.” He heard a sharp intake of breath from outside the door, and then fast, sharp murmuring. He groaned when another great wave of slick left him, soaking his pants. He heard footsteps, and then a door opening, and closing.

“Cas?” He recognised the voice of Gadreel, and he hoped he could help him, because once again he had no idea what to do. “I need you to unlock the door. Sam’s gone, so it’s safe to come out.” Cas breathed out shallowly, ragged with his vibrating chest. Gingerly, he climbed his way up the door and slid the lock free.

Opening the door, he came face to face with Gadreel, who held out his hand. Cas took it, grateful for the contact. The other Omega led him to Dean’s bedroom, and settled him on the bed. When he went to disappear out the door, Cas was almost mortified by the whine that escaped him. Gadreel just smiled at him.

“It’s alright, Castiel. I am only getting you some bottled water and food. You will be in here for a while.” Cas nodded slowly, leaning back on the bed while he waited for Gadreel to return. When he did, he had some questions.

“Where did Sam go?” He gulped down the water he was offered, but refused the food. He wasn’t hungry in the slightest, even though he hadn’t eaten since breakfast, and it was now mid-afternoon.

“He went to get you some… supplies.” Gadreel smirked, but Cas didn’t see what was humorous. That was until the other Omega lifted his brows.

“Oh.” The fact that Sam Winchester had just gone out to get _supplies_ to help him through his heat made all the blood that was not in his dick, rush to his face. Gadreel just laughed, and patted him on the shoulder.

“If you need me, I’ll be right outside.” With that, the Omega closed the door and left him. He sat on the bed, hopelessly trying to ignore the growing wet patch in his pants and the aching cock tenting the front. He wanted Dean with him desperately, but he knew that wasn’t fair on the Alpha. His hormones would force the Alpha to copulate with him, even if Dean didn’t really want to. The call of nature would overwhelm him, and if there was one thing Cas never wanted in his life again, it was forced copulation.

He forced himself up off the bed, wincing at the squelching feeling between his cheeks. He pressed his cheek against the cool wood of the door, and did what he had to, to protect Dean, to keep him safe from his own body.

He slid the heavy lock through the catch, sighing when it caught and held.

He would get through his heat by himself, for the first time.


	9. Dry House, Wet Clothes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay here's the next one! Thank you all so much for your comments. They mean a lot to me.
> 
> Please leave more!! I love them!
> 
> WARNINGS AT THE BOTTOM

Dean slammed on the breaks and cut the ignition. His hands were shaking so badly he had barely made it all the way to the park. It was deserted, thankfully, so he could wallow in peace.

Everyone thought they knew what was best for him. Sam was so damn optimistic and high off his own mating that everything seemed like sunshine and fucking rainbows to him. He didn’t understand, Cas deserved _so much_ better than Dean. He deserved an Alpha that could protect him from all the bad things in the world, one that wouldn’t break everything that he touched.

Ellen, well, she was even worse. She had always been the tough love kinda woman that Dean had admired, especially with Sam sometimes, but when it came to matters concerning Cas…

_“Get your god damn head outta your ass, boy, and tell Cas what’s going on. He thinks your gonna kick him out!”_

_“You know I can’t, Ellen, he deserves –“_

_“Don’t you dare start that shit with me. You might think you don’t deserve anything, but let me tell you, Dean Winchester, I would give you the stars if I could. You saved your brother; he wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. And as for what happened to your parents? That’s like me blaming gun makers for getting my husband killed.”_

_“You don’t understand – “_

_“Like hell I don’t. You think I didn’t blame myself? What if I’d told him to stay in, what if we didn’t need that extra bag of diapers? No, Dean, it wasn’t your fault. So just stop. You’ve got a very vulnerable Omega out there that has no idea he’s your mate, while you’re tying yourself up in knots worried about what? What he’ll say? Because I can tell you, that boy would go to hell and back for you.”_

_“Ellen, please, I can’t. I can’t tell him. What if he thinks I’m lying? Or what if he_ stays? _Stays out of some fucked up sense of loyalty? That I took him in, and he stays because he thinks he owes me? He’s had enough choices taken away from him in his life, Ellen; I’m not going to make him stay because he thinks he has to. He needs to find his family, and find a better mate.”_

_“Are you even hearing yourself? From what I can gather, your true mates, you goddamn stubborn son of a bitch. There is_ no one _better suited to him. Did you even_ think _that taking away the knowledge of the thing itself, denies him the_ choice _of staying or going?_

_“Stop! Just please, stop. You have no idea what it’s like, sitting there every night, smelling him content and happy in my arms, and knowing he won’t ever want it. I told him about Sam and Gad, and he_ freaked out. _He doesn’t ever want to be someone’s mate; he can’t even say the fucking word.”_

_“Oh, Dean. He’s been through so much. He’s broken and damaged, but you know what? You’re fixing him without even trying. Imagine what you could archive if you put in some actual effort. He doesn’t like saying the word because everything attached to it, for him, is pain, suffering and darkness. Show him what it truly means to be someone’s mate, Dean. Show him the side of you that you hide from everyone else.”_

Dean punched the steering wheel, rage bubbling up inside. All of the insecurities he kept deep down inside threatened to breach the surface, and he didn’t think he could face them and come out the other side. Not today, anyway.

If he told Cas, and the Omega rejected him, he didn’t think he would be able to take it. So many shitty, fucked up things had happened in his life, to him, to the people around him, but being rejected by his mate… he knew it would be the thing that broke him.

He didn’t notice the tears until they started landing on his arms, and then he just couldn’t stop. Every bit of frustration, fear and heartache came roaring out, rattling the windows of the Impala. He’d bottled everything up for so long; he was surprised he wasn’t a flaking husk by the time he stopped.

He was so thankful that he had people to turn to, people who looked out for him, like Jody and Ellen. They helped him find Sam, all alone in the city. After their parents died, he didn’t know what to do or who to turn to. He was so lucky they were there. But with Cas… it was the first time he had felt so utterly _helpless._ He was so afraid the Omega would wake up one morning with his sense of smell back, and realise Dean was his mate. The very thought terrified him, because in all of his fantasies, Cas always ended up looking at him the same way.

He would never be prepared for when Cas would look at him with that much disgust and pity on his face, and he just knew it would be the end of him. Sam had Gad; he would take good care of him. He didn’t need Dean anymore, so he could just fade off into the distance. No one would even realise he was gone -

He shook his head, startled breathless by where his thoughts had taken him. In all his years of wading through shit, he had never even _entertained_ the idea of suicide. He couldn’t do that to Sam, not after all they had been through. Cas… he had a feeling the Omega would blame himself, no matter if he wanted to be Deans mate or not.

No, taking his own life was not the way to go here. As much as he loathed admitting it, Ellen had a point. He didn’t have all the facts, and he was keeping Cas in the dark, which wasn’t at all fair on the Omega. He’d had enough taken from him; he didn’t need Dean to add to that shit list.

Wiping the tears from his stinging cheeks, Dean leaned back and let out a breath. He really was a dramatic idiot. Sam would be proud. He looked around for his cell phone and found it wedged under the front seat. He’d turned the sound off at Ellen’s, out of respect, and his heart skipped when he saw he had at least ten texts from Sam, and at least that many missed calls.

**Moose: Dude, call me**

**Moose: Not funny, dick, call me**

**Moose: Pick up you fucker**

**Moose: Cas has gone into heat.**

**Moose: I’m picking some stuff up for him then heading to Gads**

**Moose: Gads with him don’t worry**

**Moose: Dean, he really needs you**

Dean was sure time had ceased while he had read the messages, but the steady increase of his heart rate shattered that assumption to shit. He just _knew_ Cas had smelt strange when he’d dropped him off, but he had never smelt a male Omega in heat before, so he couldn’t recognise it.

No wonder he was so damn moody and semi out of control. His mate was in heat and he wasn’t _there._

Pulling up Sam’s number, he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as he listened to the infuriating dial tone.

“Dean, I swear to god, you have to get home, like, now.” Sam sounded strained, and he could hear yelling in the back ground. “Cas won’t listen, he keeps saying it’s his fault you’re so unhappy, and he just needs to leave so you can be happy again. What the hell is he talking about? What did you do?” Dean groaned into the phone, of course Sam would assume he’d done something wrong.

Well, he had, but that was _so_ beside the point.

“I’m on my way, Sam. Just, I dunno, distract him?” Dean pulled the phone away from his ear as his brother’s roar echoed down the line.

“That’s _your job_ you jackass!” Sam hung up, and Dean was slightly speechless. He had never heard his brother so worked up before. Turning the car on and around, he sped from the park as fast and safely as he could.

He almost crashed his precious car when he drove past a bus with a pregnant woman on the side, cradling her baby bump, advertising prenatal vitamins.

Cas wasn’t on any birth control.

* * *

 

The fire starting to rage within him was equal parts lust and anger.

He was prepared for the anger, the almost overwhelming sense of injustice that his heat should hit him so soon after he had lost his last pregnancy. It was as if his body was betraying him, forcing him to try and procreate, even though in his _mind,_ he wanted no such thing. His hormones tried to convince him that was all he wanted, for an Alpha to claim him, mate him, _breed him._

He raged against it, wanting to tear out the very essence of his Omegahood.

The lust, though, _that,_ he was not expecting. Having not been either conscious or sober during any previous heat, he hadn’t realised the intensity at which it would hit.

The burning, _throbbing_ ache inside him was slowly consuming him, and he didn’t know how to handle it. He tried masturbating, but his hand was never enough. He stayed impossibly hard, leaking not only from his swollen, flushed red penis, but also from his dripping, fluttering hole.

He looked over at the small bag of items Gadreel had deposited just inside the door. He was far from squeamish, but even thinking about what was in the bag made him blush. Not the items themselves, they were benign enough. No, it was the fact that _Sam_ had actually gone into a shop and bought the items. He couldn’t even imagine the embarrassment the Alpha had gone through to help him.

Cas frowned when he heard voices just outside his door, so he staggered off the bed and lurched towards the other side of the bedroom.

“Sam, where is he? He needs to be here.” Cas thought that sounded like Gadreel, and he must have been talking to Sam.

“I called him and text him, but he’s not answering.” Cas tensed, because Dean being absent was _his fault._ He had driven Dean from his home, and would continue to while he remained there. He made his decision quickly, not caring about the consequences.

He dressed quickly, sliding his clothes on over his itching, too tight skin. Cas was beyond boiling at that point, almost vibrating with the need to quench his bodies thirst.

Cas wrenched open the door, ignoring the surprised looks on both Gadreel and Sam’s faces. He marched past them, heading towards the door, when he felt a hand on his arm. He stopped, looked around and growled. Gadreel had wrapped his long fingers around Cas’ upper arm, stopping his escape.

“You can’t leave, Castiel. Not while you’re in heat.” He knew that, of course, but Dean being happy was worth sacrificing his own safety. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t been raped before.

“I have to leave; it’s the only way for Dean to be happy.” Cas tried to pull away from the other Omega, but he was surprisingly strong. “Let me go! It’s my _fault,_ I have to leave!” Over Gadreel’s shoulder, Cas could see Sam on his phone, no doubt trying Dean again. If he was successful, that meant Dean would more than likely hate him even more. An in heat Omega sullying his home, he wouldn’t be able to get the stench out for weeks.

“That’s _your job_ you jackass!” Sam roaring drowned out everything else for a minute, and both Omegas were shocked into silence at the enraged Alpha.

“Dean’s on his way.” Sam growled at them, shoving the phone in his pocket. Cas didn’t know what to do, should he wait for Dean and apologise? Or should he just slip off into the night, and leave Dean to his life?

His attention was grabbed by a groan, and he looked up see Gadreel leaning heavily against the couch.

“Gadreel? What’s wrong?” Cas was suddenly terrified he had somehow hurt the other Omega. Sam rushed over, and immediately reared back, covering half his face with a large hand.

“You must have triggered his heat, Cas.” Sam said, not taking his eyes off the other Omega. Cas’ heart sank when he realised something else was yet again, his fault.

“It’s not your fault, Cas. I was due for it anyway.” Gadreel cringed, probably as a wave of heat passed over him. He looked over at the Alpha, and smiled, biting his lip. “We’ve talked about this, Sam. I’m ready.” Cas suddenly felt horribly out of place. He felt like he was imposing on an incredibly intimate moment. The two other men couldn’t keep their eyes off each other, so Cas made a hasty retreat.

He would wait for Dean, apologise, and _then_ leave. There was no harm in that.

Cas locked the door behind him, and listened to the quiet murmuring coming from the living room. A part of him wished he had someone to enjoy his heat with, without the fear of being forced to do something he didn’t want to do. Someone he felt for… someone that felt for him.

He threw himself on the bed and stared absently up at the ceiling. He really did hope Jody had room for him, or that Dean would at least let him ride out his heat before he had to brave the streets.

A small wave of heat hit him, but he managed to beat it down. From what he could remember, his heats only lasted a handful of days, three usually. The last day was generally the most intense, so he still had control over himself and a clear mind, at least for the time being. The lust simmered just under his skin, but as long as nothing triggered him, he could hold it off.

Raised voices from outside drew his attention, and immediately he could pick out Deans voice among the rest.

“Dude, how was I supposed to know he’d go into heat?” Dean sounded angry, so angry. Cas’ breath shook when he drew it in, and he willed away the emotion trying to crawl up his throat. He didn’t want to sound weak when he talked to Dean, especially not – not when he said goodbye.

Suddenly, the very thought of actually _leaving_ Dean, not seeing him around the house, not waking up tangled in his arms each morning, was more than he could handle. It caused a high pitched whine to escape his throat.

Rocking himself on the bed, he was mortified at the noises escaping him, but he couldn’t stop. The thought of leaving Dean was causing him physical pain. He absently noticed the noises from outside had stopped, but he could barely hear them anyway over his own keening.

There was a knock on the door, so Cas shut his mouth, reining in his pitiful sounds to dwell in his throat.

“Cas? You there?” His breath hitched when he heard Deans voice, and the Alpha sounded… not like Cas had expected. He sounded soft, gentle and _safe._ He didn’t sound angry at all, not even a hint of tension.

Cas whimpered, and crawled over the bed towards the door. He didn’t unlock it when he reached it, because he didn’t want Dean to do something he would regret. It made a deep ache open up within him to have the Alpha so close, yet so far.

Now he sounded like one of Dean’s damn movies.

“I am here, Dean.” Leaning up against the door, he closed his eyes and breathed. On the other side of the door, he could hear Dean slide down the door, in a mirror image of him.

“I’m so sorry, Cas. I shouldn’t have left you.” Dean sounded so distraught, it caused an actual ache to start in his heart, and expand outwards until it encompassed his whole chest. 

“It’s not your fault. No one could have guessed I would go into heat so quickly after…” Cas didn’t want to think about it, so he pushed the pain down, locking it away with the rest of his horrific past.

“I know. But… I’m still sorry. How are you feeling? Do you need anything?” Cas could hear the Alpha in Deans voice, and he smiled at the thought of Dean taking care of him. Well, that was what he had done ever since they first met. He couldn’t think of a time where Dean _hadn’t_ taken care of him. He supposed it was Deans true nature coming through, the caring, protective Alpha that took care of everyone, regardless of how it affected him.

“Apart from the mind numbing lust and the seemingly unquenchable need to have something buried within me, I seem to be doing alright.” Silence hummed against his ears, almost deafening in its intensity. Maybe he had been a little bit more graphic than he should have been.

Dean cleared his throat, but couldn’t hide the growl that rumbled out of him. Cas replied with a soft hum, smiling despite himself. Even terrified out of his mind that Dean was going to evict him; he couldn’t help but be calmed by his presence.

“Ah, ok, wow. That’s – that’s graphic.” More throat clearing, and Cas stifled a small laugh at making Dean uncomfortable. “Have you – have you used the stuff Sam got you?” Cas grinned at the squeak at the end of Deans question. The Alpha was clearly out of his comfort zone, but not in a bad way.

“I have yet to use the items, Dean.” To be honest, he didn’t really want to use them. They were fake, plastic and nowhere near the real thing. Even though it repulsed him to think about, his body demanded a warm pulsing organ.

“I’ll be honest, I haven’t – I haven’t actually dealt with anyone in heat before.” Cas could understand Deans trepidation, if he had no experience. It was no surprise, really, male Omegas were really quite rare, it was one reason he was so popular…

“I hope you understand why I can’t allow you inside, Dean.” He heard the Alpha sigh and knock something, likely his head, on the door.

“Yeah, I know. Sam hustled outta here pretty quick after I arrived. Pretty much carried Gad to the car over his shoulder. You Omegas always trigger each other?”

“It would seem so.” He remembered, vaguely, of being packed into a small room during the start of his heat, with a few other Omegas. One by one, they had dropped in a haze of lust and mindlessness.

He shook his head, dispelling the ugly memories.

A hot, burning, cramping _pain_ started in his stomach and radiated outwards. Cas groaned and doubled over, clenching his teeth together to try and hide away from the Alpha banging on the door.

“Cas? Cas! What’s wrong? Talk to me!” Dean pummelled the door, yelling for the Omega. The pain subsided, but not by much. His hole pulsated, dribbling slick down his thighs and across his cheeks. No matter what he wanted, his body was demanding _something_ be put inside him, even if it was a fake, plastic monstrosity.

“I’m ok, Dean. I just… I have to use the _supplies.”_ He grimaced around the word, but reached towards the bag regardless. His hand disappeared inside the black plastic, and he rooted around until his fingers closed around smooth silicone. He sighed, because he _really_ didn’t want to do what he was about to.

Leaning back up against the door, he eased off his underwear, wrinkling his nose at the drenched piece of material. Tossing them to the side, he picked up the fake knot, and turned it around in his hands. It was about as wide as his wrist, and the knot looked about the size of his fist. So, not the biggest thing he’d ever had inside him.

“Do you – do you want me to stay, Cas?” Dean sounded torn, like he wanted to give Cas his privacy, but leaving the door was the last thing he wanted to do. Cas thought for a moment, weighing up his options. He could make Dean leave, but the Alpha would no doubt fret if he didn’t know if the Omega was alright. If he let him stay… well even though he couldn’t smell him, just having the Alpha around and so close seemed to settle his nerves.

“If that wouldn’t make you too uncomfortable, Dean. I would appreciate it.” He heard a sigh, maybe of relief, from the other side of the door.

“Cas… man, after your heat, and we can see each other again, we need to talk about some stuff, ok?” Cas’ heart squeezed in his chest, and a cold feeling swept over him. Dean didn’t sound angry, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t. Cas realised he hadn’t answered when Dean made a questioning noise. “Cas? Are you ok?”

“I – I don’t know what to say, Dean. I appreciate you letting me finish my heat here, rather than at the Omega shelter,” Cas ignored Deans shocked exclamation, thinking he maybe shouldn’t have said anything out loud, even if they were both thinking about it. “But I don’t want you to worry; I will be gone as soon as my heat is finished –” He stopped when a strange, low keening sound started from the other side of the door. He had never heard such a noise, it sounded like a wild animal caught in a trap, in so much pain it was unbearable to hear.

Only _then_ did he realise it was coming from Dean.

“Cas, please, don’t – don’t leave. There’s so much I have to tell you, I just – I have to wait until after your heat. _Please.”_ Dean sounded so desperate; Cas couldn’t help soothing the poor Alpha. He truly wanted to believe Dean, but a part of him was still hesitant to trust anything an Alpha said.

“I won’t, Dean. I promise. At least, not until I hear what you have to say.” He hoped the Alpha would explain why he had been so withdrawn. Hopefully it was something easily fixed.

He groaned when a sudden, painful surge of arousal hit him. He dropped the fake knot, bracing himself on his hands and knees as he tried to breathe through it.

“Cas? For fuck sake I wish I could help you.” The Alpha growled and thumped against the door. Cas just panted, but climbed unsteadily to his feet. Walking over to the bed, he gathered up the pillows and blankets, before going back to the door and arranging them on the ground. He wanted to be as close to Dean as possible.

“I am here, Dean. I am – I am going to use the knot now.” He heard a sharp intake of breath on the other side, and then a shaky reply.

“Ok, um, good, Cas, that’s good. Do you – do you want me to do anything?” Dean had a strange tone to his voice, tense, but not angry at all. Cas had a number of things he wanted Dean to do to him, but none he could voice without the Alpha either running away in shame, or crashing through the door in a lust fuelled rage.

“No, Dean, just – just talk to me, please.” Cas heard Deans grunt of agreement, so he proceeded. He had never actually done anything like what he was doing to himself, before. It had always been taken from him. Now that he had the chance, he had the opportunity to, for the first time, discover what he liked to experience. It was a daunting, and somewhat terrifying, change for him.

Very slowly, he tucked the toy between his legs, so it just nudged against his opening. He gasped when the cool silicone touched his flushed skin, and Dean thumped against the door.

“Cas? What’s happening?” Dean sounded more concerned than anything else, so Cas didn’t have any problem being honest.

“I – I’ve never done this before, Dean. I imagine it will take some getting used to.” Cas spread the slick leaking out of him around the toy, because he knew for a _fact_ that the more lubrication, the better. He heard the Alpha suck in a breath.

“You’ve never… Jesus, Cas. Ok, just, um, go slowly, ok? No need to rush it, you’re not on any time limit.” Cas smiled at Deans instructions. It was strange being able to do whatever he wanted, set whatever pace that pleased him, in _every way._

Breathing in and out slowly, Cas eased the toy inwards, stopping every time he felt too stretched or full. The burning faded away quickly, but he was surprised at how tight he was. He had no idea his body could heal so well with a few months rest. He let out a breath when the toy was fully seated, the knot nudging gently against his still leaking hole. Wriggling around to find a better position, the toy bumped that special place inside him too few people had ever bothered to find.

He gasped, letting out a soft whine as pleasure spread through his limbs.

“I’m gonna go ahead and guess that you’re um…” Cas would have laughed at Deans reluctance to finish his sentence, but it was overpowered by his need for more friction. He rose up onto his feet, and crouched. Leaning his head against the door gave him some stability, so he could use both hands. With one he gripped his aching cock, flushed red in its permanent state of arousal. His other, he used to grab hold of the toy, slowly working it in and out of himself.

“Your right… Dean.” Cas moaned, and he heard a growl from the other side. He was beyond feeling embarrassed; heats took away the luxury of dignity. Or maybe it was only the heats he had been through, that had taken his.

“How does it feel?” Dean sounded flustered, and Cas could swear he heard some rhythmic panting coming from the Alpha. Was he… no. well, he wouldn’t blame him. Dean had full use of his senses, and a male Omega in heat… it was a wonder Dean wasn’t thrashing his way through the door at him.

“It feels… _wonderful,_ Dean.” He wasn’t lying, either. Dragging the toy across his special place, at the exact time he slipped his thumb over the head of his cock, was the best thing he had ever felt. He moaned, thumping his head forward against the wood.

“Fucking hell, Cas.” Dean rumbled, his breath harsh and loud. “I hope this doesn’t freak you out, well, actually, it probably will but I want to be honest with you, since you can’t smell me.” Cas closed his eyes and waited for Deans admission, hoping it wasn’t anything bad. “Your totally gonna make me blow my load in my pants, I’m not gonna lie.” Cas pumped the stick of silicone harder, relishing in the knowledge that he was causing such an impact on the Alpha.

“Dean, im going to come, im so close.” Cas moaned when Dean cried out, thumping against the door.

“You’re making it god damned hard not to make this weird, Cas.” He was panting, the strain in his voice evident now. He obviously hadn’t touched himself, or he would have told him. Cas didn’t want the Alpha to deny himself, least of all because of some idea it would somehow make things weird. Cas had dealt with enough in his life to not be phased by mutual masturbation, despite his uneasiness when it came to people.

Bodies were bodies after all, all the same, if you took away their human puppeteers.

“Touch yourself, Dean. I don’t mind,” Cas panted, plunging the toy in and out, increasing the speed with both of his hands. He wouldn’t be able to come without the knot, but he wanted to wait for Dean before he finished.

The Alpha, it seemed, wasn’t far away.

“Oh, fuck, Cas, oh my _god,”_ Dean groaned, and Cas couldn’t help answering with a growl. “I’m gonna come, Cas, _fuck,_ please, I wana hear you.” He could never deny the Alpha, so he braced himself against the door, took a deep breath and howled as he pushed the knot past his tender rim. Shooting stars of pleasure lanced out from his core, and his cock, splattering the door with his small amount of seed. His hole spasmed and clenched, trying to draw non-existent ejaculate from the plastic depths of the fake knot filling him.

Cas gasped when he heard Deans answering roar from the other side of the door, which rattled and shook violently. Dean continued groaning and growling, long after Cas thought he should have finished.

“Dean?” Cas was still panting, but he needed to make sure the Alpha was alright. He heard a gruff noise of surprise, like Dean had forgotten Cas was even there.

“I’m ok, Cas. Sorry. I just, shit. This has never happened to me before.” Cas tipped his head to the side, but was distracted when his body decided it didn’t want the knot anymore. His hole loosened enough for him to pull it out, and he wiped it clean on the edge of the sheet, before setting it aside, ready for the next wave. It would be a while, he hoped, because he seemed to have sated it for the time being.

“What hasn’t?” He looked around for a pair of pants, and pulled on a pair of Deans sweats. They would do for the moment.

“It’s kinda embarrassing.” Dean certainly _sounded_ embarrassed.

“I promise I won’t laugh.” Cas could almost guess what it was, but Dean had no need to feel that way.

“I ah, I popped a knot.” Something warm and liquid settled within him at Dean’s confession, and Cas didn’t know what that meant.

“I don’t know why that is embarrassing. There are worse things.” He cringed when he said it, because it wasn’t like either of them needed the reminder. Dean just huffed out a breath.

“I know, Cas it’s just… well, I’ll explain when we have our talk, ok?” Dean sounded like he was getting up, which made sense. He needed to clean up after their session. Cas just hummed and curled up in his nest.

He hoped their talk shed some light on what was going on, because whatever it was seemed fairly important to Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS FOR
> 
> \- Mentions of RAPE  
> \- Masturbation  
> \- Brief Suicidal Thoughts


	10. Weary-Eyed, Dry Throat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think :) 
> 
> I was having a crisis of plot, but i now know where i'm going, so yay! So expect more from Sam and Gad, their chapter is up next. 
> 
> Please continue to leave me comments!! They are the best!!
> 
> WARNINGS AT THE BOTTOM!

Cas’ heat seemed to take an age to end, but when it did, Dean still wasn’t ready.

He had spent most of the three days in an uncomfortable huddle by the door, ready to be there for Cas if he needed it. No matter what the Omega said about what happened during his heat, Dean couldn’t help but think something _had_ changed between them. Especially when Cas finally opened the door, four days after his heat began, and smiled hopefully up at Dean.

It damn near broke his heart smiling back, when he knew in a few short hours Cas would never look at him that way again. Once he explained to Cas why he had acted the way he had, everything would make sense, but it would also never be the same.

Dean had promised, all through the Omega’s, to explain once it was finished. Now that he was actually looking down the barrel, it was more terrifying than he could have imagined. But he had to do it. He owed Cas that much, because it was his _right_ to know they were mates, and his choice to stay… or go.

Dean could hear Cas in the shower, no doubt relieved to be back in the land of the sane, and the hygienic. He had poked his head into his room after Cas had closed the door to the bathroom, and almost came in his pants. The heavy, musky smell of what he now knew to be Omega in heat permeated the air, drenching everything. He wanted to rip off all his clothes, roll around in his bed and mark everything so their scents would be intertwined.

Good fucking god, Cas was turning him into an animal.

He scrubbed his hands through his hair, no doubt making it even more of a mess, but he had to figure out what to say to Cas, and how to say it.

He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, a tentative caress of fingers, light and delicate. Cas cocked his head to the side when he looked up, so he motioned to the couch beside him. Cas sat down, but Dean leaned up against the arm rest, trying to give Cas as much space as he needed.

Cas just looked up at him and smiled, those damn blue eyes sparkling in the early morning sunlight. Dean cleared his throat, and looked away. He couldn’t say what he needed to while looking at the Omega; he couldn’t stand to see the look in his eyes when he revealed the truth.

“So, I promised I’d tell you what was going on, so – so here goes nothing.” Dean blinked and swallowed, throat suddenly tight with emotion. He breathed in and closed his eyes, trying to memorize the scent of his mate, the sweet cinnamon and old leather, all combining together in a husky perfume that would haunt Deans dreams for the rest of his life.

“First of all, I’m not kicking you out, ok? Jody told me what you said, and I’m real sorry that you had to go through thinking that. No matter how you feel after what I tell you today, you have a place here, ok?” Dean looked up to see Cas twisting his hands nervously in his lap. Deans own twitched with the need to grasp them, run his fingers over the sensitive veins on his wrist.

“Thank you. To be honest, I didn’t know what to think. You seemed to… I don’t know; pull away from me, after that night…” Dean could tell it was hard for Cas to explain how he felt to him, and he was suddenly a little less nervous, now he knew he wasn’t the only one having a hard time.

“I’ll explain why… I did that,” Dean sighed, hating that he was about to dump a load of shit on Cas that the poor guy didn’t need right when he was finally getting better. “You can’t – you can’t smell anything still, right?” Cas just nodded, so Dean continued. “Well, if you could, you would be able to recognise what I smell like. Because – because to me, you smell like freshly baked apple pie with a bit of cinnamon, like my mom used to make and old, worn leather, the good, woodsy kind, like – like my dad used to-” Dean ran a hand over his face and breathed in, throat tight. It was harder than he thought, talking so candidly.

“Thank you for telling me, Dean. I had always wondered what I smelt like.” Cas just smiled at him, because he didn’t know he was going to get his heart ripped out in a few minutes.

“No, Cas, you don’t understand.” Dean saw his confused expression, and he couldn’t take any more of it, so he just blurted it all out in a rush. “You smell good to me, like really _really_ good.” Dean saw Cas’ face darken then, so he turned away, like the fucking coward that he was.

“Dean, I offered you my services when I first arrived, but you turned me down. If you wanted me to repay you in that way, why didn’t you just say something?” Dean whipped around, because _no, fuck no._

“What?” He couldn’t even get together a proper sentence; because Cas thought he just wanted to fucking _mount him?_

“I suppose I should thank you for not taking me during my heat,” Cas sighed, and stood up, before starting to untuck his top. Dean just stared at him, because of all the ways he had imagined this conversation going, this certainly wasn’t it. “I didn’t want to get pregnant again so soon after…” Cas trailed off as he slipped out of his shirt, and thank fucking Christ he had something on under it. Dean stood, and finally found his words.

“Cas, for fuck sake, _stop._ ” He didn’t ever use his Alpha voice on _anyone,_ but the situation sort of called for it. Cas cringed away from him, and it broke him, seeing his mate afraid of him. He had to clear this shit storm up, once and for all. “I’m trying to tell you that you’re my Ma – my other half.” He hoped Cas appreciated him not saying mate, because he _really_ wanted to say it.

Cas froze, and Dean held his breath. He wished he hadn’t got Sam to leave, because Cas would need someone to talk to, and it wouldn’t be Dean.

“What?” Cas whispered, but Dean could hear him, clear as day. He could smell the fear on him, the uncertainty, and maybe a little bit of anger. “How – how long have you known?” The question threw him a little, because it shouldn’t really matter, should it?

“Pretty much since the first night you were here. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t – I didn’t think you needed the extra stress. But I see now it was wrong to keep you in the dark.” Dean didn’t want to move, but his legs were barely keeping him up. He was trembling, overcome with emotion. He collapsed onto the couch, and put his head in his hands, mainly so he could avoid looking at Cas.

“When you sang to me… that night… that’s why you became so withdrawn? Because I said I couldn’t ever be someone’s… other half?” Cas stumbled over the words, but Dean was still impressed at his perception of everything. His Alpha rumbled inside, _his Omega was smart._

Dean just nodded, because he knew what was coming next. The inevitable heartbreak. He flinched when Cas sat down beside him, and stopped breathing when a trembling hand took one of his own.

“I said I could never be anyone else’s, Dean. That didn’t mean I couldn’t be yours.” Cas was… he was _smiling_ at him. Why was he smiling? He didn’t understand what was happening, Cas was too good a person to toy with him, so what did he want?

Cas obviously took Deans stunned silence as a bad sign, so he squeezed Deans hand and moved a bit closer on the couch.

“I don’t know why you think you don’t deserve it, Dean, but I hope one day you’ll tell me. Until then, well, I’m here, for you.” Dean just sat there, because he really was in some kind of shock. He couldn’t speak, could barely formulate a proper thought, so he did what instinct told him to, and took a breath.

The warm, all-encompassing scent of happy, actually _ecstatic,_ Omega filled his lungs and he couldn’t help letting loose a happy rumble at the sensation. Cas smelt like everything good in the world, and Dean just wanted to wrap himself up in it and never leave.

He finally managed to find his words, but he talked in a hushed tone, scared if he talked to loud, it would break the spell.

“Does that mean… do you want to be…?” He looked up at Cas, who was full on grinning at him, all teeth and gums. It was the happiest Dean had ever seen him, and it warmed his heart.

“If you’ll have me, Dean, I mean, I know I’m not perfect –” Dean stopped him in his tracks, reaching forward to slip his hands behind the Omegas head. Cas let out a low noise of surprise before Dean brought their lips together, softly, tenderly, because there would be so much time later for everything else.

He didn’t want to take things too quickly, so he kept it chaste, Cas’ plush lips moving uncertainly against his own. Purely to hear Cas’ reaction, he nibbled on the Omegas bottom lip, and wasn’t disappointed. Cas moaned, and Dean had to physically stop himself from taking the kiss further, so he pulled away, much to the disappointment of Cas.

“You _are_ perfect, to me anyway.” Cas just blushed, deepening the red Dean was pleased to see colouring his cheeks. He took his hand again, twining their fingers together. “That was why, uh, I popped a knot the other day.” He’d actually done it every time he had come with Cas, but one bit of embarrassment was enough for today. Cas made a noise of recognition, and Dean laughed quietly at himself. “Yeah, its cause my body recognised you as my, uh, you know...”

“Perfect biological counterpart.”

Dean laughed, because yeah, that was the whole point, wasn’t it? Their bodies recognised which would make the strongest offspring. It was just damn good luck they happened to like each other as well.

“It must have been very hard for you, Dean, when I was going through my heat.” Dean nodded, because yeah, there wasn’t much to say about that. “You should have told me.” He looked up at Cas’ frown, and barely held back a laugh. He was being _scolded,_ by his _mate._

It was _awesome._

“We couldn’t have done anything anyway. You aren’t on birth control.” Dean knew Cas wasn’t nearly healthy enough to carry a child, even if he had made considerable gains since he lost the last one. He needed to heal, in body and mind, before even thinking about the possibility of a kid.

“Well, can we arrange for Ellen to get me a prescription?” Cas had a sly look in his eye, and Dean blushed _hard_ when he realised what he was saying.

“You – you want us to spend your next heat together?” Dean couldn’t get past the road block that was solidifying in his brain. Cas wanted to actually _mate_ with him. As in, full on, the rest of your life, _mates._

“If you’ll have me, Dean. I know we haven’t known each other very long, but in that time you have shown yourself to be selfless, caring, honest and above all, someone I can trust. I – I haven’t had that in my life for a long, long time.” Dean heard the sadness and pain in Cas’ voice, and for the first time since they had met, Dean allowed himself to comfort Cas properly. He pulled the Omega into his arms, and wrapped his own tightly around his _mate._ It was almost unbelievable to think of Cas that way, and not have the fear surrounding him.

Cas burrowed into his shoulder, and Dean rubbed his chin all over Cas’ hair. He wanted to _ingrain_ his scent all over Cas, so he smelt like the both of them, but he knew that wouldn’t happen until they were completely mated.

“Dean,” Cas blinked up at him and bit his lip, essentially stealing Deans breath. He just nodded, because who needed words anyway? “I know it’s probably too soon but… Can we go to bed?” He didn’t really know if it was too soon, or anything else for that matter, since his brain had just imploded. Cas actually _wanted_ him, in all the ways imaginable. It was taking him a good while to accept it, but Cas was standing up and pulling on his hand, so he had to go with it.

He knew one thing, though, even if Cas didn’t talk about what happened to him in the eighteen years he was held, he could imagine no one gave much attention to the Omegas needs. So how ever far they went today, his sole focus would be on making Cas feel as good as humanly possible.

* * *

 

To say Cas was nervous leading Dean into their bedroom, would have been an understatement. He didn’t want to think about the fact that he had done it countless times before, with god only knows how many other people, but it was the first time he was coherent enough to make decisions for himself.

And Dean would _let him._

Dean closed the door, in case Sam came home early, and followed Cas to the bed. They sat, side by side, and it was… it was tense, but not at all in a bad way. No, it was as if they were both hovering on the cusp of something new and slightly frightening, but they both knew they had each other to cling to when things got rough.

Cas had a feeling Dean wouldn’t take the first step, simply to give him control of the situation. The Alpha had no idea how much that really meant to Cas, but he would try and show him.

Bringing their mouths together again was the easy part. He wasn’t very well versed in kissing, but Dean was patient and tender, he couldn’t have asked for a better teacher. He moaned when Dean bit his lip softly, and he returned the favour, much to the delight of Dean. He groaned into the kiss, running his hands down Cas’ shoulders and over his ribs. They stopped at his hips, tensing and relaxing, as if Dean was deciding what to do.

Cas didn’t know how far he wanted to go, since everything was so new, but he knew that if everything got too much, Dean would stop. That was how much he had come to trust the Alpha. At no other time in his life had he been so certain of something.

“Cas…” Dean groaned and buried his face in Cas’ shoulder, trembling against him. Cas let him have a moment to collect his thoughts, before giving him an encouraging kiss at his temple. “Do you trust me?” He hadn’t expected the question, but he answered eagerly.

“I trust you, Dean, and those three words mean more to me more than any others.” Cas sighed, and hesitated. He didn’t know how much to tell Dean from what he remembered, but the Alpha needed to know what it meant for him to say those words. “While I was… _held,_ many things were said to me. I was made to _say things back_. But not once were those words spoken to me, or from me. So, you can see why they are important.” Dean pulled back from him, and for a moment Cas was worried he had said too much. But Dean had such a look of awe and love on his face, Cas knew he had made the right decision.

“I will try to never do anything to hurt you, Cas.” He believed him, he really, truly, did.

Cas allowed Dean to lay him back on the neatly made, _clean,_ bed. He imagined the room must still reek of his heat, but Dean didn’t seem to mind. In fact, the Alpha was busy unbuttoning the jeans he had borrowed from him. Cas frowned, and tried to take over, because Dean shouldn’t have to undress him. His job was to make Dean feel good and –

“Cas, trust me, ok? Just – just lie there. I’m gonna make this so good for you.” Dean was flushed and the deep timbre of his voice did _things_ to his insides. He was surprised, but he should have learned that Dean was far from the ordinary Alpha he was used to. So he lay back, closed his eyes and let Dean do what he wanted.

Very soon, the Alpha had Cas’ jeans off, but kept his briefs on. He looked down in confusion, but was met with Dean staring at his growing bulge with a look a kin to wonder on his face. He could feel himself start to get slick at the look, and groaned when Dean lowered his head to mouth wetly at the outline of his cock.

Not once had anyone ever paid attention to his needs, so for once he could actually enjoy the pleasure Dean was drawing from him, and not be expected to do anything in return. Well, Dean did seem to enjoy the helpless little noises he coaxed from Cas, especially when he threaded his fingers through the Alpha’s hair and _tugged._

Dean seemed to grow impatient, if the growl coming from his throat was anything to go by, and next thing Cas knew, his black briefs were being torn from him. Deans gasp, however, was not expected. Cas opened his eyes and his heart stuttered when he saw Dean’s confused frown, brows drawn up and eyes wide. Cas looked down and belatedly thought that maybe he should have mentioned it to Dean.

“I’m sorry if it’s not what you were expecting, but I can’t change it.” It had been done to all the Omega’s when they were initially brought in. He had never known such pain at that point, but he learnt very quickly that it was not the worst pain. Dean touched his scarred penis, tenderly, _carefully,_ and Cas’ throat tightened at the sight. Dean looked… _distraught,_ and he hated that he had doused the fire in his _other halves_ eyes.

“Can you tell me? Do you – do you remember?” Dean was whispering, and he supposed the Alpha felt like he did, that the moment was too fragile, too _horrible,_ for louder words. He did remember, all too clearly.

“They did it fairly soon after I was captured. I didn’t know why, at the time. All I knew was pain. They only started dosing me when I fought back. After that… well, it’s a bit hazy.” Cas watched as Dean toyed with the head of his cock, where the foreskin should have been. An ugly scar ran around the skin just below the head, but he’d had it for so long it didn’t even occur to him to worry. “Apparently they cut them off to make us look smaller. Didn’t work for me, though.” Cas smiled bitterly, because he _did_ remember the beatings he’d received when he did occasionally get hard during a _session._ He was bigger than most Omegas, and the paying Alphas didn’t like it.

“Your beautiful, Cas.” He swore his heart actually _stopped_ when Dean blinked up at him and whispered those words. “Every single part of you.” He really didn’t deserve Dean, but for everything his life had thrown at him, maybe in some way, he did. Dean clearly had some deeply ingrained self-worth issues, but maybe they could help each other heal, in fact, he _knew_ they would help each other.

Dean traced the ragged scar with his tongue, before sucking the tip of Cas’ cock into his mouth. The Omega flopped back onto the bed with a loud moan, because he had _never_ felt such pleasure. Each flick of Dean’s tongue, the warm suction of his mouth, the subtle hint of teeth, all conspired to undo him in what promised to be a blinding display of ecstasy.

“Dean!” Cas surged forwards, almost doubling over in his haste to curl around Deans head. Dean had taken him completely into his mouth, all the way to the base. He could do little more than lie back and accept Dean’s ministrations.

From the way Dean was, there was no other way to put it, _worshipping_ his cock, Cas had to assume it was not the first time Dean had done such a thing. He hadn’t even known Dean was attracted to men, but the realisation was amazing, in many ways. The most significant was that they wouldn’t have to explain to Sam about both, being together, _and_ Dean liking men. Cas was actually glad all of that had been accepted and explained somewhere in Deans past. He had dealt with more Alphas than he could count who had repressed their own feelings to the point of savagery, and he was in no hurry to repeat his past.

Cas was dragged back to the present by Deans cheeks hollowing out around his cock, suction almost so good it was painful. Slick leaked steadily from his pulsing hole, and Cas knew he wouldn’t be able to hold his orgasm back much longer. Because he wasn’t in his heat, he didn’t need anal stimulation to come, which he was very glad for. He was still a bit sore from three days of penetration, so he was in no hurry to do it again.

He felt bold in his heightened state of arousal, bold enough to ask for things he would normally hold back.

“I’m going to come, is it – is it alright if I come in your mouth?” He didn’t know how Dean would react to the question, but he trusted the Alpha enough to know it wouldn’t be a violent reaction. If he didn’t want to do it, he would simply pull off and bring Cas to completion with his hand. He was completely alright with that, even if Dean’s mouth felt like the earthly rendition of heaven itself.

Cas got his answer when Dean locked eyes with him, growled softly around his erection, and doubled his efforts. Cas watched in a lust filled haze as Dean coaxed his orgasm from him, one dripping, messy, lowering growl at a time. Cas felt it start in his stomach, an intense fire so different from his heat, his body only chasing the ecstasy, not planting a seed. His small testicles tensed and hugged his body, drawing up in preparation.

He couldn’t help staring down at Dean, still so shocked the Alpha was even doing something so wonderful for him.

“Ah, ah, Dean, I’m – I’m oh _god,_ I’m coming, _Dean!”_  He had no hope of holding back as Dean growled around his length, the knowledge that his Alpha had taken care of him, _would_ take care of him, in every way, coursing through him as his orgasm gathered its strength.

His orgasm flowed over him in waves, increasing its intensity with each consecutive pulse of ejaculate against Dean’s tongue. It shook through him, and he howled, oh how he _howled._ Dean had made him feel like his brain had been sucked out through his dick, but it was the _best_ thing he had ever felt. Of course, not counting when Dean had told him they were... meant to be together. It was a different kind of feeling, a physical, all-encompassing _warmth_ that flowed through his body from where he was connected with Dean.

When he opened his eyes, Dean was hovering over him, gripping his _massive_ cock in his hand. He looked embarrassed and hesitant, like he didn’t quite know if he was allowed to do what he wanted to.

“I – I didn’t think this through, sorry.” Cas frowned up at him and tried to figure out what Dean meant, but then it clicked. Dean wanted to meld their scents, and the only way non-penetratively to achieve that was…

“Come on me, Dean. I want everyone to know I’m yours.” Dean, apparently, didn’t need much convincing. The Alpha bent forwards, bracing his arm above Cas head and used his other hand to strip his leaking cock ruthlessly. Cas watched in fascination, because he had seen _many_ penis’s in his life, but none so beautiful as Deans. It was large, larger than Cas had expected, if he were honest. _Definitely_ bigger than the now pathetic silicone toy he’d had to use during his heat. The head glistened wetly, appearing and disappearing as Dean’s efforts dragged his foreskin back and forth.

It was strange seeing a penis so different to his own, but he revelled in the strangeness of it, and that he was allowed to enjoy himself for once. He looked up to see an expression of such rapture on Dean’s face, that he couldn’t help the whimper that escaped him. Dean heard, and growled, practically ripping Cas’ tee shirt off over his head. Clearly he wanted more skin in their lust fuelled equation. That was fine, Cas _wanted_ as much contact as possible, and he was _allowed_ it.

Dean was _his_ Alpha, and Cas was _his_ Omega.

“ _Mine.”_ Cas growled, before wrapping both of his hands around Deans thick length. The Alpha gasped and Cas’ own cock twitched, as Deans knot expanded at the base. Dean used his hands to squeeze the swelling flesh, as Cas continued to work his erection. Cas knew the exact moment before Dean came, as the Alpha’s whole body tensed, muscles bulging as his body prepared to empty onto the Omega.

“ _Mine”_ Dean growled out, before releasing an almighty roar. Cas watched, entranced, as pulse after pulse of come splashed onto his stomach, his chest, _everywhere._ It crashed over him in waves, rolling down the side of his body, becoming one with the bed. Dean continued to growl and rumble through his orgasm, shaking visibly above Cas.

The Omega released Dean’s still ejaculating cock, instead bringing his hands up to caress the Alphas gasping face. He leaned into the touch, and Cas was warmed with the feeling of being able to comfort his… _other half._  

It took Dean some time to stop coming, and when he did, instead of cleaning them up, he did the complete opposite. He ran his hands through their shared ejaculate, spreading it all over Cas’ belly. Cas had become hard again and leaked copiously onto his stomach, just as Dean started his orgasm. Cas would have thought it was horribly disgusting, if not for the look of pure happiness and adoration covering Deans face.

He had never seen the Alpha so happy, and he was loath to take that away from him, so he kept quiet. It was certainly not the worst thing he had ever been made to do.

“You smell better now.” Dean mumbled, having collapsed on top of Cas, his head buried in the Omegas shoulder. Cas turned towards him and kissed his ruffled hair, grinning when he felt Dean shiver.

“You’ll have to enlighten me. My nose doesn’t seem to be working all that well at the moment.” Dean chuckled despite the underlying seriousness. Cas tried not to think about it much, but it did get him down sometimes, especially in moments like these.

“You smell like _us._ Its – it’s the best thing I’ve ever experienced.” Dean turned his head towards Cas, and kissed him lightly, but it was filled with all the love and hope Cas knew Dean wanted to convey to him. “We’ll get it back, Cas, I promise.”

He knew Dean would try anything to get his sense of smell back, and that alone told him everything he needed to know about the man he was already halfway to being in love with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS FOR
> 
> \- Blow Jobs  
> \- Slight Past Body Mutilation (Not Graphic, at all)


	11. Closed Eyed And Hoping For A Better Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this chapter. Its from Sams perspective, so yay. 
> 
> Sorry if its a bit rough, i wanted to get it up before i went away for the weekend. 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> **EDITED** Because i posted the chapter at ass oclock in the morning and read it again the next morning. wow. Fixed the spelling and added the part i missed haha. Let me know if i missed anything.
> 
> WARNINGS AT THE BOTTOM

From the first moment Sam had seen Gadreel, he knew, without a doubt, that the other man was his mate. When Sam got the opportunity to get closer to him, and subtly scent him, well, it got even better. He was a swirling sensory explosion of wind swept pine forest, salt tanged waves crashing over rocks, and, strangely, freshly picked apples. It was all he could do to keep himself from rubbing all over the Omega, to keep his inner Alpha at bay.

Let no one say Sam Winchester didn’t have _manners._

No, he kept his distance, returning awkward little smiles once Gadreel noticed him from across the crowded hall. Sam had, almost too enthusiastically, judging by Jody’s narrowed eyes, volunteered himself to Jody for any and every job he could get his hands on, if it allowed him to be near Gadreel for any length of time.

Of course, the only problem was Sam’s all too often crippling sense of self-worth. He was completely aware of it, and always tried his best to confront his problems head on. He wasn’t Dean, who buried his feelings so deep even Indiana Jones wouldn’t be able to find them. No, he knew _he_ feltlike he didn’t deserve to have an Omega as amazing as Gadreel, but his inner Alpha wouldn’t take his shit, no matter what he thought. He had learned, very quickly, to listen to his inner animal.

His therapist recommended it, in fact. Said _it knew what it was doing._ He was paying her the big bucks, so he had gladly listened. Of course, Dean had said the exact same thing, even if he didn’t listen to his own advice.

His brother was the most self-sacrificing person he knew. Dean _still_ thought he didn’t deserve Cas, who _clearly_ had a huge thing for him. He’d seen the way the dark haired Omega looked at Dean, and it made him feel infinitely better, knowing that once Dean got his head out of his ass, he would have someone there for him once Sam moved out.

When Sam had _finally_ plucked up the courage to ask Gadreel out, he was delighted, and a little surprised, when the other man had smiled shyly at him and said _yes._

After that, well, it was only a matter of time before Sam asked Gadreel if he would like to be his mate. They both knew what they smelt like to each other; it was only a matter of asking. Sam took his time though, making sure they got to know each other, their likes and dislikes, pasts and dreams.

It had been terrifying telling Gadreel about his past, what had happened to him and why. Sam was sure the Omega would storm out in disgust and never speak to him again. Sam was disappointed in himself for thinking so little of their relationship, and Gadreel as a person, that he thought Gadreel would leave as soon as he heard about Sam’s tragic past.

At least he hadn’t cried, because the last thing he wanted was to look weak in front of his mate.

Gadreel had listened to Sam’s increasingly rushed words, his rapid breaths and clenching jaw. He had laid a large hand on the Alphas arm and looked at him with such understanding and acceptance it took his breath away. He had then proceeded to tell Sam that the reason he was in the soup kitchen that night when they met, was because of his little sister.

When they were growing up, they never had enough money for food, after all the other bills were paid. A single Omega parent to two children, it wasn’t a good situation. His mother was too proud to take them to a soup kitchen, but when they barely had enough food to feed one person, he would sneak out with his sister when their mother went to work. They would go to the local soup kitchen, where they would be fed and taken care of. Without the kindly volunteers giving them food, he didn’t know what they would have done.

He had worked two jobs to get his sister the education she needed, to ensure she would never be in the situation they were in as children. She graduated from Harvard, a double business degree to her name, and she claimed it was all thanks to her big brother.

The story resonated more with him than he thought Gadreel realised. He and Dean had been in such a similar situation, at one point in their lives. It didn’t surprise him he was attracted to a guy that reminded him so much of Dean.

* * *

 

When Dean arrived, Sam breathed a sigh of relief, tinged with a possessive growl. He needed to get his Omega out of there. He was ripe and dripping, Sam could smell it coming off him in waves, and the irrational Alpha inside him chomping at the bit didn’t want another Alpha anywhere _near_ his mate.

With a growl he knew Gadreel would rib him about later, he picked up his mate, who let out an affronted but fond yelp in return.

Sam must have been running on some kind of lust fuelled Alpha testosterone, because he barely even registered Gadreels weight, and the other man was _not_ a small guy. It was one of the things he loved about him, really. He was the same size as Sam, in pretty much _every_ way. They could pretty easily pick each other up, and one of their favourite positions for making out was against a wall.

So tossing the other man over his shoulder wasn’t that big of a deal, and he would normally be on board with it, but he could barely feel the expected burn in his legs or back. It was amazing.

“And here I was thinking we had broken the bonds of typical Omega/Alpha stereotypes. I guess I was mistaken.” Sam gave him a playful slap on the backside for his sass, but Gadreel just laughed. It ended on a moan though, as Sam brought his large hand down to softly kneed Gadreels firm ass. He couldn’t wait to see him naked, for all they had opened up to each other, they had done no more than make out like teenagers.

“Just wait until I get you back to yours, I’ll show you _typical._ ” Sam growled, before opening the door to his car and sliding Gadreel carefully into it. As he pulled away, the Omega grabbed him by the shirt front, bringing their mouths together in a searing kiss. Sam couldn’t help moaning into Gadreels mouth, all the mating hormones coursing through him as their scents started to intertwine.

Reluctantly, Sam pulled away. He ran to the other side of the car, but stopped, to breathe. He couldn’t risk his mate by speeding all the way to his place. He had to be cool and calm. He grinned when he got a hold of himself, because the day they had been waiting for had finally arrived. They would be mated, proper, fully completed, for the rest of their lives, _mates._

Almost throwing himself into the car in his haste, Sam grinned over at Gadreel, who smiled back, albeit a bit tensely. Sam grimaced when he let the scent of the other man wash over him, and even if it was _amazing,_ it smelt unfulfilled and _wanting._

“Sam, I suggest you hurry. The longer I have to wait, the worse it gets.” Sam could see him clenching his fists, and it physically pained him to see his mate, or future mate, he had to remind himself, uncomfortable.

“Sorry, Gad, we’ll get there as soon as possible, I promise.” Sam clenched his teeth as he kept to the speed limit all the way to Gadreels apartment. They arrived just in time, the car becoming increasingly saturated with Gadreels sweet scent. Sam didn’t want to roll the windows down, possessive as all hell over someone smelling his mate. Gadreel found great delight in ribbing Sam over his _traditional_ Alpha responses.

“You do remember that it’s the twenty first century, right?” Gadreel smirked as he unfolded his long legs from the car. Sam just growled and chased Gadreel all the way to his front door. It sparked the primal part of Sam’s brain, making hormones rush though his blood stream. His cock hardened, and he couldn’t help the feral growl that escaped him.

He flipped Gadreel around from where he was trying to unlock the door with shaking hands. Sam crowded him against the door, breathing in his enticing scent, rubbing his face all over the Omegas neck.

“Sam…” Gadreel moaned, gripping the Alphas hair in his strong hands. “We need to get inside. You wouldn’t want anyone else smelling me, would you?” Gadreel knew exactly which buttons to push and it worked. Sam reached around Gadreel, turned the handle and shoved the door open. He lifted his Omega off the floor, and it was lucky Gadreel got with the programme quickly, or Sam would have probably fallen over. He wrapped his arms and legs around Sam, mouthing wetly at the dip in his neck.

Somehow, Sam managed to shut the door and carry his mate to his bed. The layout was familiar, as they had gone back to Gadreels place more often than not after their dates. Dean and his mopey vibes were a sure way to kill a decent evening.

“Have I told you lately how much I love your hair?” Gadreel threaded his long fingers through the thick waves, and the Alpha closed his eyes at the shiver that ran down his spine. He loved it when Gad touched him anywhere, but for some reason he _really_ liked having his hair pulled. He would _never_ tell Dean that was the reason he’d grown it out, god, he’d never live it down.

“I think you tell me every time you run your hands through it.” Sam mouthed at Gadreels neck, kissing everywhere he could, running his tongue up and down his pale skin. He nosed at the Omegas hair line, grinning when Gadreel moaned as Sam nibbled his earlobe. He loved getting the Omega all fired up, because that was when the fun _really_ started. He could feel when Gadreel had had enough of being the obedient, submissive Omega, and laughed when his mate curled his legs around Sam’s and flipped them over.

Sam moaned when Gadreel ground down, bringing their hard shafts together in a rush of pleasure. Sam was quickly nearing the edge of his tolerance for _going slow._ He had promised himself he wouldn’t rush Gadreel, but he had to trust that the Omega was strong enough to tell Sam if he wanted things to slow down. In fact, he was _positive_ Gadreel would let him know, it wasn’t like he was weak in any way.

It was a constant source of amusement for the both of them when Gadreel was mistaken for an Alpha. He told Sam early on that sometimes he would wear scent blockers and strong deodorant, just to mess with other Alphas. Sam thought it was hilarious.

It had taken him a while to open up to Gadreel, to tell him it actually really turned him on how big and strong the Omega was. Another thing he hoped like hell Dean would never find out was that Sam liked being dominated, as much as he liked dominating.

“Gad, clothes off, _now._ ” Clearly he didn’t need to tell the other man twice, who sat up from where he was sucking his way down Sam’s throat, and ripped his shirt off. Sam just stared at the huge expanse of pale, hard muscle under his trembling hands. He traced downwards, fingers trailing between Gadreels defined pectorals, soft, light hair tickling his skin. Gadreel closed his eyes and leaned back, bracing himself against Sam’s legs.

Sam spread his hands over Gadreels toned stomach, abs flexing and jumping as he ran his fingers this way, and that. An image flooded his brain suddenly, making his inner Alpha roar in agreement. He imagined Gadreel round and full with their pups, glowing in the light of their coupling. 

Sam groaned, his knot straining against the sensitive skin at the base of his cock. He hadn’t popped it yet, but it was only a matter of time.

“Everything alright… _Sam_?” Gadreel groaned as Sam rubbed the hair bellow his navel. He itched to take the other man’s jeans off, but he wanted to savour every single moment he could with the Omega.

He didn’t know how Gadreel would take it if he explained his fantasy, but actually…

“Gad, did you get to the doctor?” He was surprised he could even formulate a thought, considering all the blood in his body was currently occupying his dick.

 “Of course, Sam. I have been planning this for a long time.” Sam rubbed his hands up and down Gadreels sides, feeling the tense muscles underneath.  “I’m going to be honest. I want nothing more than to carry your pups, but I know we aren’t ready. We haven’t known each other long, but I know this… what we have, is forever.” Gadreel ducked his head, and Sam saw the blush creeping up his neck before spreading across his cheeks. “We have a long time to decide, Sam.” Sam cut him off by surging up and capturing his lips in a searing kiss. They were both panting by the time Sam pulled back to look his mate in the eye.

“When you just asked me if everything was alright, I wasn’t thinking about the doctor, or well, yeah I was, but not like that.” Sam cupped Gadreels face with his hands and looked deep into his steel grey eyes. “I was thinking about how amazing you would look, full and glowing with our pups inside you. I want to have kids with you, Gadreel, I’ve been thinking about it ever since we first met. I don’t care if that sounds creepy.” Sam smiled and bit his lip, worrying it between his teeth.

“Sam Winchester, I would be _honoured_ to carry your children.” Gadreel grinned at him, and Sam blew out a sigh of relief. “When we are ready.” Sam nodded, happy that Gadreel felt the same as him. Every one of his instincts urged him to mate and breed his Omega, as soon as possible, but he had to make sure the man actually _carrying_ the kids was ok with it too. It was, after all, the biggest decision of their lives, barring the actual mating.

“I know we can’t, but try telling that to my _inner animal_.” Sam caught Gadreel off guard, using it to flip them over, and pin him to the bed. Sam very nearly ripped their clothes off, and he was sure he actually heard material tear at some point, but when they were both sweaty, naked and pressed against each other, he had no regrets.  

He could feel Gadreels slick running down both their legs, and the _smell,_ oh god. It was the best thing Sam had ever experienced. It was everything good in the world, a forest after rain, pine needles dripping with dew. A storm ravaged sea crashing over the sand, swallowing everything in its path.

“Sam, I need you in me, _now._ ” Sam looked up from where he was worshipping Gadreels achingly hard cock. He was bigger than average for an Omega, but Sam wasn’t surprised, considering how big the rest of him was. The shiny red head peaked tantalisingly out from his foreskin, teasing Sam with the promise of musky, saltiness. He longed to taste it, but he had to wait. Gadreels heat was slowly over taking him, so Sam had to go at the pace _he_ set.

“Do you need to be stretched?” Sam had never been with a male Omega before, in fact, he hadn’t been with any kind of Omega. His only girlfriend had been a Beta, and she, well…

“No, Sam. Just… go slow.” Gadreel flipped them, braced his knees either side of Sam’s hips, and placed his hands on Sam’s chest. He understood the Omegas trepidation; he was a virgin, after all. He said he had been saving it for his mate, which made Sam’s inner Alpha positively vibrate with excitement. _He_ was the only person to _ever_ be inside his mate. Only _his_ cock would breach those silken walls, painting them with his seed.

Sam placed one hand on Gadreels hips, the other he used to line up his cock with Gadreels leaking, fluttering hole. Looking into his eyes, to see his reaction and to make sure he was comfortable, Sam put slight pressure on Gadreels hip, encouraging him to lower onto his straining erection.

Slick dripped from Gadreels shaking body, dribbling down onto Sam’s cock. He gasped when he felt the first press of flesh against flesh. He closed his eyes and willed his knot down. He couldn’t have it popping before he was even inside.

“ _Sam_ … oh my _god,_ ” Gadreel gasped when the thick head of Sam’s dick pushed past the tight ring of muscle leading to a tunnel of pure, unadulterated _heat._ Sam could barely contain himself, but he forced his muscles to obey his staying order. It was only then that he noticed that the deep rumbling growl he could hear was coming from him.

As Gadreel eased further down Sam’s length, he started matching Sam’s rumble with a deep growl of his own. They were both shaking by the time Gadreel was fully seated, but Sam didn’t know if his mate was trembling from excitement, or pain.

“Are you ok?” He had no point of reference for a heat, or sex with an Omega. All he could do was trust Gadreels instincts, and his own. He ran his fingers down Gadreels cheek, his skin trembling underneath the sensitive pads.

Gadreel took a deep breath, and leaned into Sam’s hand. He wriggled his hips, which pulled a groan from the Alpha.

“I think I’m alright. I just feel really… _full._ It’s hard to explain.” Sam felt Gadreel clench his opening, and a tingling rush of pleasure shot up his spine. “You’re quite big, but I guess you know that.” They both laughed, because _yeah,_ he did know.

“Do you – do you think you could move?” Sam was holding onto his humanity by a thread, and he had no _idea_ how Gadreel was doing it, because he was in goddamned _heat._ They were supposed to be out of their minds delirious, weren’t they? Maybe everything he had been told was a lie.

“Yes, just give me a -” Both men yelled out when Gadreel pushed upwards and slammed back down. Sam let Gadreel set the pace, and it was a gruelling one at that. Slick was spreading everywhere, running down Sam’s balls, seeping into the bed.

Sam knew he wouldn’t last long, but he could already feel his knot beginning to swell. It caught slightly every time Gadreel pulled out, or sank back down.

“Gad, I’m- I’m not gonna last. Are you ready?” Sam panted, rising up on his elbows. He needed a good position to bite Gadreel where he wanted to, which was where _everyone_ could see it. Yeah, his mate would rib him about _traditional Alpha stereotypes,_ but if that meant everyone could see his mate was claimed and mated, well, he could live with a little ribbing. He was used to it; after all, he was _Dean’s_ brother.

When Gadreel moaned and nodded, Sam sat up, so Gadreel was practically sitting in his lap. There wasn’t much room to move, but they didn’t really need to at that point. Sam’s knot was almost ready to catch, and it was all up to Gadreel now.

The Omegas movements increased rapidly, as well as the sounds coming from his mouth. They had grown from small gasps and moans, to uninhibited shouts and heated proclamations of _fuck, yes_ and _harder._

“Sam, oh _fuck,_ Sam, I’m ready. Do it now, _do it now!_ ” Sam didn’t even think, instead he let his instinct take over. He surged forwards and wrapped his arms around Gadreel to steady him, to keep him in place. The Omega moaned when a Sam mouthed and scented at the hard muscle below his neck. The moment he felt his knot catch and swell within Gadreel, he bit down, sinking his teeth into his, now official, _mate._

He hadn’t known what to expect with a mating, but Gadreel _screaming_ and grinding down onto him like a human sex doll was not it. He felt his cock head lodge somewhere inside Gadreel, and he had a moment of clarity where he realised not only was his _knot_ trapped inside the Omega, but his mate was practically massaging the head of his dick with his _cervix._

It went without saying that it was the best and weirdest feeling _ever._

“Sam, I’m going to come,” Gadreel couldn’t go anywhere, firmly wedged as they were, so he flexed his pelvic floor muscles rhythmically until… “Oh, fuck, _I’m coming Sam.”_  Gadreels _entire body_ seized with the force of his orgasm, forcing Sam over the edge with him. A small amount of come burst from the Omegas cock, but Sam was only barely aware of the mess. Gadreel was practically milking him, drawing his seed from his pulsing erection. Sam howled as his seed painted his mates inner walls, and even if Sam knew no pups were being seeded, his Alpha didn’t.

Sam was still coming as he detached his teeth from his mate’s neck. He wouldn’t stop for a while, but the initial surge had lessened enough for him to have a semi clear head.

“Gad?” He ran his fingers through the soft, short hair at the back of his mates head. A small puff of air alerted him to his wakefulness. “I want you to bite me too.” It was against the norm, but they weren’t exactly a traditional couple anyway. He felt Gadreel lick his neck, exactly where he was nestled against. He braced himself for the inevitable sting of teeth, but when it came, he could see why it pushed Gadreel over the edge.

A flood of feelings almost overwhelmed him at the first meaty tug, and when Gadreel fully bit down, Sam felt another load of come pulse from his cock. He felt a pull solidify, deep inside his chest. A bond cemented in love, trust and respect that could never be broken.

“I love you.” Sam mumbled, resting his head against Gadreels shoulder, right next to the mating mark. It was beautiful. He could _feel_ Gadreel smile where he was licking the blood from Sam’s skin.

“I love you too, Sam.”

* * *

Three days passed in a blur of heat, sweat and come. By the end of it, they were sticky, exhausted and beyond happy. Even if their mating hadn’t resulted in a child, they had plenty of time to decide when they wanted to start a family. In the meantime, they had plenty of time to enjoy it just being the two of them.

“I think we better head back and make sure Cas and Dean haven’t killed each other.” Sam stretched his arms above his head, grinning when Gadreel slid his fingers over the slip of skin that appeared beneath his tee shirt.

“Or turned each other to stone with their _staring.”_ Gadreel rolled his eyes and it was one of the best things Sam had seen all day. He loved it when his mate was sarcastic.

Turned out, they needn’t have worried.

When they got to Deans apartment, the place was drenched in the smell of happy Omega and Alpha. Not a mated pair, but close enough. Sam sighed happily when he saw the two of them sitting _very_ close on the couch watching a movie.

“Heya, Sammy – whoa! Really? That’s pretty damn progressive of you.” Dean looked, well, _proud_ when he spotted their matching mating marks.Sam hadn’t expected that kind of reaction from his big brother, but it just made him even happier. He actually got up and clapped him on the back. He offered a hand to Gadreel, doing the typical older brother talk. Cas hung back, looking happy but unsure. He was constantly forgetting the poor guy had been out of humanities radar for almost twenty years.

“Hey Cas, your heat go ok?” Cas wasn’t embarrassed by the question, and Sam wasn’t surprised, considering what Dean had told him he had been through. Cas just looked at him and shrugged.

“Yes, thank you, Sam. Dean… helped me through it. He was… able to control himself.” Cas smiled shyly, and Sam knew exactly what that meant. Dean must have got his thumb out of his ass and actually talked to Cas, or things would have been a lot more tense.

“I know he’ll treat you right, Cas. Dean, well, he’s the best guy I know.” They both looked over to see Dean laughing with Gadreel, and Sam honestly couldn’t remember a time his brother had looked so happy. He turned back to Cas when he made a small sound of agreement.

“I know. Dean makes me… very happy.” Sam grinned, because he knew Dean and Cas were perfect for each other, true mates or not.

Life was damn near perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS FOR
> 
> \- FLUFF (HA)  
> \- SEXY TIMES


	12. And They Scream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry this has taken so long! So here's a super long chapter for you! Full of porn's and plots!
> 
> Thank you for the lovely comments! Keep em' coming!
> 
> Warnings at the End

“So… I know it’s kind of a big thing, and if you don’t wana go I’ll totally understand,” Dean was nervous beyond belief, and he didn’t even know _why._ It wasn’t like Cas was going to laugh in his face and reject him in front of all of his friends, but despite the fact he _wasn’t_ a fourteen year old girl, Dean was sweating bullets. Cas just cocked his head to the side and waited for him to get over his moment of teenage angst. “Uh, well, there’s this fair, _thing,_ and I was wondering if you wanted to go? With… me?”

Jesus fucking _Christ_ in a hand basket.

Cas was either completely oblivious to Deans inner turmoil, or was the _nicest_ guy on the planet, because he just smiled and actually fucking _blushed._

“I’d love to. When is it?” Cas had a small but bright smile on his lips, and Dean had the strangest urge to just kiss it right out of him until he was grinning wide and toothily. He liked Cas’ small smiles though, the ones he reserved just for him.

“Um, it’s actually on all week, but I was thinking we could go tonight?” Dean didn’t want to pressure him, with the crowds and the noise. They had been increasing Cas’ day time excursions over the past week, and they had even gone to the park without him freaking out, which Dean thought was huge progress. He _had_ seen the look on Cas’ face when they had walked past the little kids playground, though. The look of deep sadness had made Deans heart break for the Omega. He had no idea what it was like for him, losing a kid like that, but he knew one day, when Cas was ready, he’d give him all the kids he could possibly want.

“Tonight sounds perfect. Are Sam and Gadreel coming too?” Dean was beyond happy with how close Cas and Gadreel had become. After their mating, Dean had expected Sam to move out as soon as he could. He surprised Dean by delaying it until Cas was out of the woods, which would at least be another month or two, despite the awesome progress he had made.

So Sam and Gadreel were constantly hanging around, and Dean didn’t mind one bit. It helped Cas take his mind off everything, and allowed Dean time to continue his search for Cas’ family. He had a good, solid lead from Jody, but he hadn’t had a chance to call them. He hoped Cas actually wanted to find his family… but who wouldn’t?

“Yup, they’re gonna come too, don’t worry. You won’t be stuck talking to me all night.” Dean tried to make it a joke, but he should have learned Cas would always one up him.

“Thank Christ for that, some intelligent conversation would be nice.” Cas smirked, because he knew _exactly_ what he was doing, the little shit. Dean put his hand to his chest, a mock look of hurt on his face.

“Well fuck, I’m sorry if our conversations aren’t _stimulating_ enough for you.” Cas grinned, wriggling his eye brows at Deans obvious flirtation. The Omega tackled him into the couch and rubbed his face against Dean’s neck.

“I’ll give you _stimulating.”_ Cas practically purred against him, grinding his pelvis down into Deans. They both groaned as matching erections brushed against each other. Dean was just angling Cas’ head for a proper kiss when the door swung open.

“Oh, _dude,_ not on the couch!” Cas and Dean both laughed at Sam’s affronted look, and he was quickly followed by Gadreel. The other Omega had a matching look on his face, and Dean couldn’t contain his laughter.

“Shit, we got double bitch face going on, Cas, better hide.” Yeah he sounded juvenile, but it made Cas laugh and that was Deans main goal in life at the moment.

“Fuck off, Dean. When do you guys wana head out?” Sam busied himself in the kitchen, and Cas disentangled himself from Dean to show Gadreel a video he had found on YouTube, something about bees.

“Yeah, just let me get changed.” He looked at Cas, and saw he was relatively ready to go, so Dean hurried to the bedroom to throw on some clothes.

By the time he was done, Cas and Gadreel were laughing at something on the computer, and Sam was finishing his rabbit food. Dean raised an eyebrow and smirked.

“What? I’m gonna eat crap at the fair, so I wana pre load. You can stuff yourself full of grease until its spilling out your ears, Dean, but I wana live ‘till a ripe old age.” Dean just shook his head and rubbed his hands together.

“Come on, this fair aint gonna enjoys itself.”

* * *

 

Turned out Cas was a  _major_ fan of fairs.

He spun round and round, eyes huge as they tried to absorb everything from the glowing, dancing lights, to the Ferris wheel and Ghost Train. He grabbed Dean’s hand and dragged them first to the ticket vendor, then to the first ride available, which happened to be the Haunted House.

Dean sort of loved the way Cas clung to him when they entered the darkened house, on edge for whatever was going to jump out at them. It was so at odds to the stubborn, independent man Dean had begun to learn was hiding behind Cas’ _traditional Omega mask_ he covered himself with. It usually only came out when it was just them, but he had seen it more and more, especially around Gadreel and Sam. He had a feeling seeing Gadreel act the way he did around them spurred Cas’ confidence more.

Dean jumped when a damn witch thing rushed them from the dark corner of the room, and Cas roared with laughter. Dean grumbled that he could take it; _damned fucking witches,_ but that seemed to set Cas off even more. He had to practically carry the Omega from the house; he was so paralytic with laughter. Dean didn’t mind one bit, because Cas’ laugh was one of the most beautiful sounds he had ever heard.

“Where do you wana go next?” Dean looked around, but he couldn’t see Gadreel or his giant of a brother anywhere. The two of them must have snuck off for a romantic lettuce leaf or something.

“How about a side show? You could win me a prize.” Cas bit his lip and fluttered his eye lashes, and it would have been cute as hell, if Cas didn’t have the most _sarcastic_ look in his eyes. Dean could see the grin building behind his chapped lips, and Dean didn’t resist the urge to kiss him, fair crowd be damned. He felt Cas grin into the kiss, but was then shoved off with a firm hand to the chest.

“ _Dean_ that’s not proper.” He loved it that Cas could joke about what he didn’t know about the world, even when he was still so unsure. Dean was teaching him, day by day, but having a good sense of humour about it helped in ways beyond what Dean could manage.

Cas dragged him over to some shooting gallery, and he grudgingly paid the exorbitant fee to the carny. He really did want to win a stuffed animal for Cas, he’d even seen the perfect one sitting just to the side, but he didn’t think he was a very good shot. He breathed in and looked down the barrel, imagining the bullet hitting the tiny targets. He pulled the trigger and with a small crack, the first target went down. Pride swelled within him, but he stuffed it down. He could celebrate when Cas had his prize.

Four more targets followed, and Dean was damn near beaming when he handed Cas his giant stuffed bee. There were too many people around for him to smell Cas, but he didn’t need to. The Omega grinned at him and Dean could almost _see_ the happiness radiating off him.

“Thank you. I guess if the house gets broken into, and the burglar stands still long enough for you to hit them, we’ll be saved.” Cas poked his tongue out at him and Dean growled. He loved Cas, he really, truly did. It took his breath away, made his heart swell and he was sure the people around him could smell it wafting off him.

Cas turned to run, but instead of fleeing through the crowd, he bumped into a man standing just behind him. Cas froze, wide eyed and unsure, mainly because the Alpha had his big hands wrapped around Cas’ upper arms. Dean watched as he smiled crookedly down at Cas, who was flooding the area with fear and tension. Dean was on them in a second, wrenching his mate from the creepy fuck who was still staring at Cas.

“You should keep that Omega on a leash, boy.” The guy cracked a smile at Dean, showing yellow, missing teeth, and a whole lot of old time intolerance. Dean growled and backed up, wrapping Cas in his arms as he went. Cas was shaking, visibly, and clutching his bee.

“Fuck off, dick bag. Keep your backwards opinions to yourself.” People were watching them as they passed, sending glares in the direction of the other Alpha, thankfully, instead of him and Cas. The dude just smirked and pointed at Cas.

“That one aint mated son, he’s fair game.” Dean managed to get Cas behind him, before he full on _roared_ at the other man. Sam must have heard him, or seen the crowd, because he was right there beside him in no time.

Sam didn’t even question Deans motive, just roared with his brother, snapping his teeth when the other Alpha dared take a step forwards. Dean noticed Gadreel behind him; probably making sure Cas was alright. Dean knew he couldn’t start a fight, not there, especially with Cas watching and still so fragile. So he started to back away when he saw the fair security guards pushing through the crowd behind the still smirking fuck who’d started it all.

“I’ll be seeing you again, sweetheart.” Dean tried to cover Cas’ ears, but he couldn’t block out the words. Cas just shuddered against him, wedged in between Dean and Gadreel. Dean turned to see tears streaming down Cas’ face, and a very concerned looking Gadreel.

“We need to get him home.” Dean couldn’t agree more. As they shuffled through the crowd, who thankfully parted for them, Dean couldn’t help but think it was his fault. He’d made Cas come to the damn fair, even though he probably wasn’t ready. He’d totally understand if Cas never wanted to go anywhere with him again.

A hand touched his shoulder, and since it wasn’t Sam, who was in front of him with Gadreel, parting the crowd, Dean growled, grabbed hold and twisted. A yelp and an appeal to stop went unheeded.

“Sorry! Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that man, but it’s my first day,” The guy looked too young to be in a security uniform, but he _was_ in one, so Dean let go. The guy, Andy, his name tag read, brushed himself off and smiled. “I just came to ask if you wana press charges, well _my boss_ wants to know. That guy that was hassling you? He’s been banned from the fair, but he’s not local so I doubt it’ll faze him.” Andy took a breath and Dean raised his eyebrows, because _damn_ the kid could talk.

“No, we just wana leave and get home. Thanks, though.” Cas was still shaking next to him, and all he wanted was to tuck his mate up in bed and give him a massage. Andy seemed to understand, because he nodded.

“Yeah, I hear ya. No point when the guy will probably just not turn up anyway. I hate it when people have those old world views, you know? Hell, I’m an Omega and I’d hate it if anyone ever said that shit to me.” Cas looked up when Andy said he was an Omega, and his eyes went wide. Traumatic situation or not, Cas was _always_ amazed when people of authority turned out to be Omega’s. Dean was so used to it he barely even recognised peoples secondary gender anymore.

Andy seemed to get that Dean didn’t want to wait any longer, so he took a step back and smiled at Cas, and then Dean.

“I hope this hasn’t put you off fairs, because they are pretty fun and this kinda thing hasn’t happened in years. Anyway, I hope you have a good rest of your day.” He had clearly been told to memorise that kinda response, the way he said it so mechanically and with a hint of annoyance in his tone.

Dean just smiled and gave him a small wave.

They made their way slowly back to the car, Cas’ heavy breathing and twitching subsiding slowly. He was still shuddering occasionally, but he seemed to have calmed down some. He still clung to Dean, and he knew there would be bruises where Cas was holding onto his arm, but he could deal with it. No way was he going to tell Cas to let go, when clearly the only thing holding Cas together was the contact they shared.

Sam and Gadreel were waiting by the Impala, with matching looks of concern on their faces. Dean handed Sam the keys, and thankfully his brother made no comment about Dean never letting him drive. Gadreel went around to the passenger seat as Dean helped Cas into the back. Cas rested against him on the drive home, and Dean ran his fingers though the Omegas hair. He hoped Cas found it soothing, because he quite liked doing it.

It felt like it took forever to get home, and by the time all four of them had shuffled inside, Dean was exhausted. Night had fallen, but none of them felt like eating. Sam led Gadreel into his room, but not before telling Dean they would both be there in an instant if Cas or Dean needed them. He was so grateful to the both of them for staying, because for all he knew, Cas would have a major breakdown, and he didn’t know if he could handle that.

He practically carried Cas into their room, before laying him down on the bed. He carefully removed Cas’ shoes, jeans and jacket. Dean left him in his underwear and tee shirt, because he knew Cas liked the protection clothes gave him. Dean stripped himself to the same base, before peeling the sheets back and getting Cas snuggled. He hadn’t let go of his bee, and Dean was reluctant to make him. It could be the thing that set him off.

Dean positioned himself awkwardly around Cas, so his chest covered Cas’ back. Cas would never admit it, but he liked being the little spoon. He just hoped todays experience wouldn’t make him regress back into the timid Omega he’d found all those months ago.

“Dean,” Cas’ voice was so quiet, Dean almost didn’t hear him. Only the rumble of the other man’s chest alerted him to the fact he had spoken.

“Yeah?” He didn’t want to push him, but he _needed_ to know what Cas was thinking. Cas drew a breath in, and Dean held his.

“Today… it scared me, but I had my – my _family_ around me, so I knew I’d be safe.” Dean let out his breath, and kissed Cas’ exposed shoulder. His heart soared with Cas’ admission of them being his family. 

“We are so your family, Cas. No matter what. We will always protect you.” Dean rested his head against Cas’ neck, and tightened his arms around his mate. Cas sighed, and wriggled until he was pressed right up against Deans body.

“I know I can’t smell anything yet, but something…” Cas trailed off, and seemed to be in deep thought. Dean was way too curious for his own good.

“What is it?” He felt Cas shrug and then he was turning to look Dean in the eye.

“That _troglodyte,_ he looked… I don’t know, _familiar.”_ Something about the way Cas said it, like it was just on the edge of his mind, made the little hairs of Deans neck stand on end.

He only hoped Cas’ Deja vu was one of those _other life_ things.

* * *

 

When Dean woke up, he was wrapped in a blanket of warmth, comfort and…

What the _fuck_ was that smell?

Dean slid away from Cas, who was oblivious to everything, sound asleep with his mouth slightly open. It was a damn cute sight, but Dean was too busy trying to find the origin of the cloying, sick smelling scent engulfing his senses.

He sniffed around the bed, but it wasn’t his washing on the floor, or the slightly mouldy coffee cup he could see sitting by the window. No, whatever it was kept dragging him back to Cas, who groaned and shuffled around as he slowly woke up. The Omega blinked up at him with his big blue eyes, and frowned.

“Everything ok?” Cas was _not_ a morning person, Dean found that out very early on. Dean just smiled and bent his head closer to Cas.

“Yeah, it’s just this smell, I think – I think it’s coming from you.” Cas pursed his lips and levelled Dean with such a _look,_ he was sure his hair would catch fire.

“As your well aware, I can’t exactly tell if I smell bad or not.” Cas looked totally offended, so Dean crowded him, doing his best to sooth the obviously annoyed Omega.

“No no, I mean, it’s not _you,_ that’s the thing. Can I just…” Dean waited until Cas nodded, before dragged his nose along Cas chest and back up to his neck. He ran his face all the way to Cas’ armpit, where _his_ musky, sweet scent was centred, but it wasn’t that that Dean was smelling, because he _loved_ that smell, couldn’t get enough of it. He slid over to Cas’ arm, and stopped immediately, almost gagging at the stench he found there.

Very carefully, he sniffed the other arm, and was met with the same stink. A warning growl started in his chest, and he was helpless to stop it. Cas froze under him, and Dean was sure he was even holding his breath, waiting for Dean to make his move.

“It’s that _asshole_ from last night, his scents all over you.” Dean managed to growl out a response to Cas, but he couldn’t help the twitching of his muscles or the pure _need_ to cover Cas in his own scent. Luckily, Cas seemed to know how Alphas worked.

“Alright, Dean, I understand. I can’t smell it, but you obviously can. What do you want to do?” Cas was breathing evenly, but he could feel his heart hammering under his hands. He didn’t want Cas to be scared, or worse, think he was somehow to blame.

“It’s not your fault, ok? That asshat put his hands on you, and I just – I need to make you smell like me again, is that ok?” Cas nodded, and let out the breath he had been holding. Dean just wanted to smother him in his scent, and he thought he best way to do that… “Cas, um, is it ok if I come on you again?” His fingers kept twitching towards his erection straining his boxers under the sheets, but he held off, he needed to make sure Cas was alright with it first.

He would _always_ give Cas a choice.

Cas smiled at him, before threading his fingers through Deans sleep mussed hair.

“Of course.”

Dean growled playfully, while leaping onto Cas. The Omega laughed, and wrapped his arms around Deans back as the Alpha licked and nipped his way up Cas’ neck. When he encountered Cas’ tee shirt, he was tempted to rip it off with his teeth. Instead, he reluctantly drew back and ripped Cas’ shirt off, followed by his own.

He dove back in, drowning in the sounds of Cas’ soft sighs and breathy moans. They were the best things he’d ever heard.

When he felt Cas’ erection against his own, he released an almost inaudible groan, too caught up in the act of marking Cas to even voice his pleasure. Cas though, so attuned to him, gasped in response, and did what Dean seemed too drunk on pheromones to do. He wriggled his hands between them, taking them both out of their constricting garments Dean didn’t even realise they still had on. He contemplated taking them off, but that would mean moving away from Cas, and he wasn’t about to do that.

They both groaned when Cas wrapped his warm fingers around both their lengths, and Dean was well on his way to popping his knot. He didn’t know what it was about Cas that had his dick acting like he was a teenager again, but he wasn’t complaining, like, _at all._

There was little to no talking as Dean began to thrust forwards into Cas’ firm grip. When the Omega swiped his thumb over the head of Deans cock, forcing the foreskin back to stroke the sensitive skin beneath, Dean groaned like a wounded animal. He was almost worried he’d wake Sam and Gadreel up, but then Cas reached back to his leaking hole and used his own juices to slick their way and Dean forgot _all_ about his little brother.

“Oh _god,_ I’m not gonna last. Are you close?” Dean was panting and his ass muscles were cramping like hell, but he’d be damned if he stopped, especially given the absolutely blissed out look on Cas’ face.

“I’m – I’m almost there, ah, come, _Dean,_ come on me.” Dean throat went dry at the sound of Cas’ fucked out voice, all gravelly and deep. He felt his knot start to swell, so he looked into Cas’ wide, expressive eyes and let himself go. His orgasm hit him with such an intensity he felt light headed. Heat coursed through him and he _whined,_ ashis come painted Cas’ chest and stomach.

Cas howled and curled his legs around Deans as his orgasm hit him, his hands pumping them through it. Cas twitched and sighed as his petered out, but he continued to grasp Deans knot, milking him through his prolonged ejaculation. Dean felt as if he were being sucked dry, but that pretty much always happened when he came. His balls ached when he finally shuddered to a stop above Cas, and when he saw the absolutely beautiful mess he had made of Cas’ torso, he groaned and collapsed into it.

Cas smelt so _good,_ he never wanted to let him go. He smelt like _them_ and _home_ and everything good. It was even worth the sticky mess in between them, which he ran his fingers through as he sat back up. Looking at Cas, slightly apologetically, he scooped up some of their combined seed and ran it over Cas’ arms where all of the stench from the other Alpha remained.

Once he was happy with one arm, he focused on the other. He loved Cas’ arms, they were thick and sturdy, much better than the thin rails they were when he first stepped into Deans life. They looked like they could do some damage now, or hold him down.

Cas seemed to have reached the end of his tolerance for Deans Alpha male performance. He made a soft noise of annoyance, before grabbing Dean’s head between his hands, forcing him to meet Cas’ eyes.

“I’m fairly sure I don’t smell like anything, or any _one,_ except your come now. So, can I go have a shower? Or are you going to grunt at me and drag me back to your cave?” Damn he loved it when Cas was being sassy. It made Dean grin, and before Cas could say, or do, anything, Dean sprang up from their bed and grabbed Cas, flinging him over his shoulder, fireman style. Cas let out a weak protest, but ended up just slapping Deans barely clad ass.

“I was joking about the cave.”

* * *

 

Dean slapped on a smile, but he knew it didn’t reach his eyes.

He was so god dammed nervous about letting the two Omegas out by themselves, especially after the incident last week. He wasn’t talking about him carrying Cas to the shower, only to find Sam and Gadreel already _in_ the shower. Having not locked the door, he saw far more of both of them than he ever wanted to see.

No, he was talking about the creepy mother fucker who thought it was _ok_ to practically grope his mate in _public._ That was the whole problem, really. The guy wouldn’t have been able to do it, or would have been less likely too, if he and Cas were mated. They still had to wait for Cas’ heat to be fully, one hundred percent mated, and that was still a good week away.

He stood on the porch and waved at Cas, who looked so damn happy to be going out by himself, or without Dean. They were only going to the mall, but still, it was a big step. Gadreel had promised to look out for him, to keep him safe, but Dean couldn’t ignore that little prickle of unease in the back of his mind. It made him want to stay with Cas, all the time, until they were official.

But no, Cas just called it overprotective Alpha instincts and frowned at him, and that was all it took for Dean to say yes. Cas really did have him wrapped around his little finger.

With Cas gone, though, it did give him some time to try the number Jody had given him. Once he saw the car disappear around the corner, he shut the door and went straight for his phone.

He brought the number up, saved under _Jody’s contact,_ and paused. He looked at the number, ready to dial, and took a breath. He was doing all he could to find Cas’ family, and he wasn’t worried about Cas leaving him, not after everything but he still wondered if Cas would actually want him to find his family.

He hadn’t mentioned them at all, apart from when he was reciting his horrific past. It made Dean wonder if he wanted to be reunited with them.

“Get your shit together, Winchester.” Muttering to himself never worked, and made him feel slightly crazy, but hey, at least Sam wasn’t home to judge. He picked his proverbial balls up off the floor and hit dial.

His heart hammered in his chest and doubt crept in.

What if they’d moved house?

What if they’d _died?_

What if –

“Hello, James speaking.”

Dean’s mouth went dry, but he already knew the parents’ names.

“Uh, yeah, hi,” Dean cleared his throat, and his tongue practically stuck to the roof of his mouth. “My names Dean Winchester, I um, if you have a few minutes, I have a few questions about your son.” He hoped that was vague enough, but he was still surprised when he heard the exasperated sigh from the other end of the phone.

“Sure, what’s he done now?”

Well, here goes nothing.

“I meant your other son, Castiel.”

All Dean heard from the other end was deafening silence. He was almost sure the call had dropped, but then he heard a sharp intake of breath.

“Please tell me this isn’t some kind of joke. We – we talked to the police, _years ago,_ why are they bringing it up again?” The man, James, was breathing harshly, and Dean was worried he’d give him a panic attack.

“No, no sir, I’m not with the police, although I am following a lead about your son. I need – I need you to describe him for me, what he was like, that kind of thing,” So I can be sure it’s my mate. “Please, I swear this isn’t a joke.” Dean hoped he sounded sincere. Or that James was desperate enough to find his long missing son that he would trust a stranger. He heard a wobbly sigh, and pricked his ears.

“He was – he was seven when he was taken.” Good start, but could still be a coincidence. “Someone just took him, one day when he was walking with his little brother back from school. His brother, Gabriel, said a black van came up behind them and that – that Castiel made him run away. It – it saved his brother’s life.” Dean was about ninety percent sure he had the right family, and he hoped like hell he did, because he didn’t want to make anyone else go through what he was putting James through.

“Can you describe him for me? Like, personality, what he looked like?” Dean crossed his fingers, and almost jumped over the couch when he saw Sam standing in the doorway with his eyebrows raised. He gave his brother a thumb up and Sam grinned, returning the gesture.

“Yeah, ah, he was very quiet but so stubborn. If he didn’t want to do something, boy, you had a hard time making him do it.” Dean smiled because yeah, that was the Cas he was starting to see under the mess that had crawled out of whatever hell hole he’d been held in. “We didn’t know what he was going to present as, but we assumed it would be an Alpha, because of how bull headed he could be. I guess – I guess we’ll never know, now.” Well, they’ll be in for a surprise.

“Can you describe him? His physical characteristics?” It was all Dean needed, the final little hurdle.

“He had dark hair,” So _close,_ “A roundish face,” Yeah, that was right, _just needed…_ “And the brightest, _bluest eyes_ you’ve ever seen.”

“Thank you so much, sir, for your time.” Dean hesitated, because there was so much riding on that _one_ phone call. Once he told the guy, there was no going back. “I don’t want to get your hopes up, but I believe my mate is your son.” Dean was prepared for the silence that time.

“You – you’re sure?” Dean’s heart broke at the hope and fear in the man’s voice, something he could relate to, very dearly.

“I’m sure, mister Novak. I need a couple of questions from you, that only Cas would know the answers too. That way, I can be sure. Is that alright?”

By the time Dean got off the phone with James Novak, he was surprised how late it had become. Sam was sitting at the kitchen table frowning at his phone.

“Shouldn’t they be home by now?” A tingle of worry raced up Dean’s spine, but he ignore it. He’d just found Cas’ family, he wasn’t gonna let his over protectiveness take that little bit of happiness away.

“Yeah, but…” Sam frowned at his phone again and tapped something out on it, presumably, a text. Dean drummed his fingers on the table.

“What, Sam, spit it out.” His brother was being evasive, and he didn’t like it. _At all._

“Well, it’s just that Gad text me, said him and Cas were getting take out for dinner and going to a movie, and not to wait up.” Dean bit his lip, because while that wasn’t totally out of the ordinary, it wasn’t the plan they had agreed on.

“I mean, we could’ve met them somewhere and gone together, Cas’ first big screen movie and all, but no biggie.” Dean pushed down the hurt he felt, because he wanted to be there for all of Cas’ firsts.

“No, Dean, you don’t get it. The movie they’re seeing, that was gonna be our date night movie tomorrow. It’s so out of character that I checked the movie times, the last showing was two hours ago, and he hasn’t replied to a single text, or call.” Dean tried to swallow, but his throat felt suddenly very tight. He just blinked at Sam, because he couldn’t actually process what he was saying.

“Are you saying, you can’t get hold of _your_ mate, while there’s a damn stalker psychopath out there, gunning for _my_ mate?” Deans breathing was steadily increasing, along with his heart rate. Even _he_ could smell the anger and fear he was flooding the room with. He turned around and stalked towards the front door, grabbing his coat, keys and wallet along the way. He growled when he felt a hand grip his shoulder.

“Dean, I’ll drive.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS FOR
> 
> \- Sex stuff  
> \- Come play?


	13. An Angel Will Die, Covered In White

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry
> 
> Don't hate me.

They had been having  _such_ a good day.

Gadreel had introduced him to Starbucks, and Cas found he was in love with double shot mocha chinos. They laughed at each other when they got matching foam moustaches.

They had found a specialty tee shirt store, and Cas found a tee shirt that  _actually said '_ I'm a sweetie pie’. They had both laughed when they had seen it, and Cas quickly brought it, swapping it for his shirt in the changing room. The white tee shirt with the flirty looking cartoon pie was exactly Dean’s kind of humour, so he hoped the alpha liked it. 

Cas wanted to find a special present for Dean, to say thank you for everything he had done. The alpha had changed his life in so many ways, and he knew he was so lucky they happened to be mates as well. The chances of them actually meeting were about a million to one, but Cas liked the odds. For once, they were in his favour.

“I told Sam we would be back for dinner. I believe he is going to cook something special.” Gadreel smiled fondly when he talked about Sam, and Cas couldn’t help his answering grin. He imagined Gadreel was just overflowing with mated omega happiness. He couldn’t wait until him and Dean finally cemented their bond, but he understood Dean’s hesitance, and loved him even more for it. He respected Cas’ need for time and space, considering what he had been through. As an alpha, Dean could have just demanded what he wanted, and Cas would probably have given it to him, but that wasn’t how their relationship worked.

Cas didn’t really know what love was, considering he hadn’t ever felt it properly, but he imagined it was what being with Dean felt like. When he was with the alpha, he felt safe, protected and respected. More than anything else, though, he  _trusted_ Dean, and by all rights, he shouldn’t have been able to trust anyone so quickly after escaping the hell hole he was kept.

He decided he would tell Dean he loved him after they mated. He was a bit scared Dean wouldn’t say it back, but that was alright. He couldn’t smell Dean, but he saw the way the alpha looked at him when he thought he couldn’t see. There was something strong in his eyes that wasn’t longing or desire.

“We better get back then, don’t want them worrying.” They gathered up their various bags and headed for the underground carpark. Dean had been  _very_ hesitant about letting Cas go out with just Gadreel, but they had managed to bring him around with the argument that Gadreel was as big, or  _bigger,_ than a lot of alphas. They were in public, as well, so no one would try anything.

“I believe we parked in three B.” Gadreel pressed the button on the elevator and the giant metal cage took them to their level. Cas stiffened when the doors opened a level above theirs and another person entered, giving them both a quick once over. Gadreel must have smelt Cas’ stress levels skyrocket, because he moved closer and laced their fingers together. Gadreel squeezed his hand, in support. Cas calmed down, and just concentrated on getting home to Dean.

The man stepped off the elevator with them, but turned in the other direction. Cas let out a breath, and turned to follow Gadreel, who still had his hand firmly clasped in his own. Cas appreciated the contact, because like all omegas, he was very tactile.

When they reached the car, Cas immediately mourned the loss of Gadreels large, warm hand. The other omega unlocked the car and popped the boot, stowing all their purchases. Cas opened the front passenger door, and wondered when Dean was going to teach him to drive. It seemed like a fairly important part of adulthood. He paused when he heard slight footsteps, and a noise from the back of the car.

“Gadreel?” Cas poked his head out the door, but couldn’t see anything. He felt a tendril of fear snake around his insides, but he pushed it away. Nothing was wrong, Gadreel was probably just –

“Cas. Could you come and help me please?” Gadreel sounded very strange, and Cas’ fear turned into a writhing mess. He should have listened to Dean, he shouldn’t have gone out by himself, it wasn’t safe, it wasn’t safe –

“Omega, I’d hurry the fuck up if I were you.” Cas felt himself go  _cold_ at the sound of the stranger’s voice. With shaking hands, he fumbled the door lock, but managed to open it. He had no way of contacting Dean or Sam, because Gadreel had the only phone in his pocket. His legs almost gave out when he stepped onto the ground, but he stayed standing, he had to be strong, if he wanted to get back to Dean.

When he reached the back of the car, the sight that met him, only a few months ago, would have sent him sobbing to his knees. Since he had met Dean, however, and found a strength inside himself he hadn’t known he had possessed, he simply narrowed his eyes and squared his shoulders. Dean would have been proud.

“This the one boss sent us after?” Another thug appeared from the side of the car, and Cas glared at him too. Gadreel didn’t move, but when thug number one motioned to thug number two to grab Cas, he saw the man had a gun held against the omegas side.

So much for fighting free.

“Yup, get him bagged and tagged.” Cas shuddered when he realized they were going to drug him. He thought that part of his life was over. “We’ll take this one too. He’s mated, but boss can still use him for cheap.” Cas saw Gadreel pale, as the full force of their dire situation became apparent to him. He watched as the other omega tensed, but Cas managed to clear his throat and grab Gadreels attention, before he did something stupid. He knew how brutal those men could be.

“Gadreel, don’t. Think of Sam.” Gadreel froze, but nodded and fell lax in his captors grip. There really was nothing they could do. They had stupidly parked in a dark corner of the garage, because it was the only free space. No one was around, and their attackers had guns. Cas knew they could be ruthless when it came down to it, and he wasn’t going to risk Gadreels life in the chance they could escape.

Cas growled when the other man came close to him holding a small needle, but he didn’t move. He just had to trust that Dean would find them before anything happened. As the sharp spike of pain lanced through his neck and he watched the same thing happen to Gadreel, he couldn’t help feel terrified that he would never see his mate again.

As the darkness encroached upon his vision, and he fell to his knees, he fought to stay awake. Everything was becoming heavy and dull, as if all the light and life was being sucked out of the scene around him. Gadreel fell to the ground, curling in and protecting his stomach. Cas, despite his brains slow response, he hoped to god the other omega wasn’t pregnant.

Because he knew  _exactly_ what Crowley did to those in his  _care_ that had the audacity to procreate.

* * *

 

When Cas climbed out of the quagmire of unconsciousness, he was immediately assaulted with the familiarity of where he was being kept.

The room was clean, but plain. There were bars on the tiny window, and a hole in the door covered by a metal flap, for food.

Exactly like he remembered. He had thought those memories were lost to him, but all it took was some familiar scenery and he was flooded with images he wished he would never see again.

He started when a noise from the corner alerted him that he wasn’t alone.

Gadreel moaned and clutched his head, probably having the same headache inducing reaction to the sedative as Cas was. He managed to crawl over to the other omega, trying to stay quiet. He didn’t know how long they had, but he knew Crowley wouldn’t want them in the same cell for long.

“Gadreel, wake up.” He slapped Gadreels face lightly, hoping to get a response that wasn’t just painful groaning. When the bigger omega opened his eyes and blinked up at him, Cas didn’t even need his sense of smell to know he was afraid.

“What happened, Cas.” Gadreel sat himself up and leaned against the wall. “Where are we?” Cas felt so bad for dragging the other omega into his mess. It was all his fault, he should have done something to protect the other man.

“I believe we are being held captive by the man who kept me.” He watched as Gadreels eyes widened in horror, but he kept going, because he could hear footsteps. “I need you to listen to me. These men will not hesitate to kill you. Whatever happens, do what they say. Don’t fight. Whatever they do to you, just remember,  _you will survive it._ You have to be strong, to get back to Sam.” Cas attempted a smile; he was acting braver than he thought was even possible. He was convincing enough that he must smell like it too, because Gadreel stopped shaking and sat up straighter.

“We’ll get out of here, Sam and Dean will find us, I have every confidence in them.” There was a scraping at the door, and both omegas turned to see their captors walk through. The bigger one pointed at Cas.

“Boss wants to see his pet. Get up.” Cas shivered, but obeyed. If he could stay drug free, it would help them. He needed to be compliant and subservient, like they wanted. It disgusted him, and grated against everything in his being, but he was smarter than they thought. He was counting on that.

 _Before,_ he hadn’t known better. Didn’t think there was any other way, but Dean had taught him that your sexual orientation didn’t define you, and people should treat you with respect no matter what you were.

The asshats that took them were nothing more than kidnappers, rapists and bigots. Their old world views were relics, just like they were.

By the time tweedle dumb and tweedle dumber, Dean had them watch Alice in Wonderland, it was  _awesome,_ in Deans words, led him to Crowley’s office, Cas was prepared. He would do whatever the vile man said, but plot his death in vivid technicolour all the while.

Because by the end of their time in the vile hell hole Crowley called his  _workplace,_ one of them would be dead, and he had a date with Dean that he couldn’t miss.  

* * *

 

Dean paced up and down, ignoring Sam’s pleas for him to stop.

His brother wasn’t much better, because Gadreel was missing as well. The cops had found their car, exactly where they had left it, on the third level of the parking garage at the local mall. There didn’t look like there had been a struggle, and the car was locked as well. They hadn’t been robbed, and there wasn’t any blood, so the police assumed a kidnapping, exactly what Sam and Dean had been saying in the first place.

Dean knew the cops wouldn’t do anything until they had been missing for forty eight hours, so Dean had to come up with a plan himself. As soon as they had given their statements to the police, Dean dragged Sam from the station and drove them over to Jody’s.

Dean parked the car and turned to Sam.

“Alright, you and I both know the cops aren’t gonna do shit for at least two days.” Sam frowned, but nodded, because he of all people knew what cops were like. “So if we have any chance of seeing our mates again, we have to do this ourselves.” Dean watched as Sam mulled it over.

“Dean, I know you want to go in there guns blazing, but the chances of us even finding them are –” Dean stopped him right there, because going into it with a pessimistic attitude wasn’t going to help them.

“I found you, didn’t I?” Dean let that sink in, but didn’t let Sam answer back. “That’s why we’re here, I called Jody, and she’s gonna help us. She even called her friend that helped find Cas’ family.” Dean felt the fear bubbling up again at the mention of  _Cas_ and  _family,_ but he pushed it away. They would find him, because life couldn’t be that much of a bitch.

 Jody met them at the door, and welcomed them inside. Her table was already overflowing with maps, note pads and a red head at a laptop.

“Sam, Dean, this here’s Charlie. She’s a genius, and if anyone can find your mates, it’s her.” Charlie beamed up at them, and extended her hand for them both to shake. She was an omega, by the smell of her, and it made Dean relax just a little.

“Hi guys! Don’t you worry your pretty little faces. Just let Professor X do her job and we’ll find them in no time.” Sam looked confused, but Dean just chuckled at the blatant x men reference. Of course it would go right over Sam’s head. “Now, I need you to tell me some very specific information.”

“Anything you need to know.” Dean sat down at the table, and smiled up at Jody when she handed him a coffee, it was going to be a long night.

“Where was Cas first abducted from?” Dean relayed everything Cas had told him, date, time, description of vehicle, what school he went to and town he was from. Charlie entered it all in her laptop, tapping away on the keyboard as Sam went over maps with Jody. “Alright, now where did they go missing this time?” Dean told her about the mall, and what time the text came through from Gadreels phone.

It seemed to take hours, and Deans voice was hoarse by the time he’d told Charlie everything he could think of about Cas and the kidnapping. Jody and Sam were tossing theories around, but none seemed plausible. Dean had no idea what Charlie was doing, but it seemed intense and time consuming. He hoped it was worth it, and they hadn’t just wasted hours for nothing.

“Fuck yeah bitches!” Charlie shrieked and fisted the air, making Dean almost jump out of his skin. He’d been running through all the awful scenarios that could be happening to Cas and Gadreel at that moment, so he was glad for the distraction.

“What?” Sam seemed a bit more switched on, but no less tense. Dean could smell it coming off him in waves. He was  _actually_ mated to Gadreel, so the pain he’d be feeling would be on a whole other level to Deans.

“I think I found them.” Charlie beamed, and Dean’s heart pumped dangerously hard. How could she have possibly have found them? It had taken him  _weeks_ to find Sam.

“What? How? Where the hell are they?” Dean was on his feet before he could stop himself, and Charlie tensed at the alpha pheromones flowing from him. Even he could smell it, so it must have been strong.

“Sit your ass back down young man. Let Charlie explain.” Dean obeyed immediately, because Jody could be downright scary when she wanted to be.

“I put together all the information you gave me about the kidnappings and cross referenced it with other kidnappings that were similar which occurred within a hundred mile radius.” Charlie took a deep breath, before continuing. “I then hacked into police records, and checked to see which places were flagged in their database. They have a couple that they’re keeping their eye on, but only one that stands out, which they haven’t been able to get any evidence on.” Charlie clicked a few keys, and frowned.

“That’s amazing, so where are they?” Dean was ready to go where ever he needed to, and rip some throats out. Whoever touched his mate would die, painfully.

“About an hour’s drive from here, the place is owned by a guy named… Crowley.” Dean fell back into his seat. The same people who had taken Cas before. That dude that was  _familiar_ to Cas at the fair, it all made sense.

“Come on, Dean.” Dean looked up in shock at Sam, who sounded downright  _feral._ His voice was low and he was practically gushing pure  _alpha._ “Our mates are waiting for us.”

Well, he couldn’t say no to that.

* * *

 

Cas was escorted into Crowley’s office, and to him it looked exactly the same. The overly large desk still dominated the room, which had blood red walls and very little class. Cas always felt like Crowley was trying to compensate for something, and he thought maybe it was his height.

“Lovely to see you again, pet. Why don’t you have a seat?” Like he actually had a choice. Cas was pushed down into the spare seat. Crowley laced his fingers together and sat back on his chair, eyeing Cas with his head tilted to the side. He really hoped he hadn’t learnt the gesture Dean was so fond of from the monster before him.

Fuck being compliant, Dean would want him to  _fight._

“Do what you want with me, but let Gadreel go. He has no place here.” Cas knew Crowley didn’t like mated omegas in his brothel, every time some alpha had taken a session to far, that omega had disappeared, quickly and quietly. They never knew what happened to them, but Cas would bet it was permanent.

“I’ve had to…  _reassess,_ since you’ve been gone, sweetheart, and my new business plan has room for  _mated_ play things. He’ll get the stink fucked out of him soon enough.” Crowley smiled, a cruel upturn of his thin lips. “Soon no one will even know he was mated.” A chill went through Cas, when he realised he was right. The amount of drugs they would shoot into them, neither of the omegas would even know  _themselves_  by the end of the day _._ He had to act fast, or Dean would be lost to him.

Crowley ranted on about some new idea he had, but Cas wasn’t listening. He looked around the room, searching for something he could use as a weapon. The man who had escorted him to the office had left them alone, because obviously the stupid beta had thought he was still the submissive, weak little runt that had been thrown to the mercy of the world.

Cas was a strong, stubborn son of a bitch, according to Dean, who would fight for those he loved, regardless of the personal toll.

Spying a heavy looking paper weight, Cas waited until Crowley turned his back on him, indicating at some old scroll he had on his wall, before striking.

The edge of the ugly looking rock connected with the soft tissue at the back of Crowley’s head. Cas had never heard such a sickening noise. Crowley collapsed in a bundle of limbs, and blood quickly ran from the wound. There hadn’t been much noise, but Cas knew he wouldn’t have much time.

He was shaking,  _badly,_ but he wouldn’t let his nerves over take him. He still needed to get to Gadreel, and he hoped like hell they hadn’t moved him. He moved to the door and held the rock high, before making a wounded growl. As he predicted, the goon opened the door and stepped inside.

“Boss, is everything –” Cas brought the rock down heavily on his captors head, and he crashed to the floor. Once Cas was certain he was either unconscious, or dead, he went to leave the room. For some reason, something made him look down, and he realized the man was the same person from the fair, that had threatened him. Pain surged through him, because Dean had been right. He should never have gone out alone.

He dragged the body inside the office and shut the door behind him. Luckily, there weren’t any guards in the hallway, so he made his way quickly back to Gadreel. The door was just held shut by a dead bot, so he unlocked it quickly and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Gadreel sitting against the far wall.

“Gadreel, come, quickly.” The other omega looked surprised, but stood hastily and followed Cas out the door and down the hall. He had no idea where they were supposed to go, but they had to do it quickly. He could hear shouting coming from behind them, but not from the direction of Crowley’s office. They both jumped when they heard gun shots, so ran in the opposite direction.

They flew past Crowley’s office, and up some stairs –

Right into a dead end.

Cas tried the door to his right, but it didn’t budge. He turned around to go back from where they had come, but Gadreel grabbed his arm. A massive guard was standing in front of them, holding a gun.

“You bitches aren’t going anywhere.” He moved forward slightly, and Cas inched forward too. He subtly positioned himself just in front of Gadreel, so much so that the other omega didn’t seem to notice. The other man sneered, and flicked his gun towards them. “Hurry up; we’ve got enough trouble without you two running around.”

That was the moment Cas saw Dean creeping quietly down the hall, behind the gunman. Everything slowed down, and Cas saw everything  _so_ clearly. He knew exactly what would happen if the guard turned around and saw Dean. He would shoot him, his sweet, protective, innocent alpha.

Not one part of him protested when he stepped forwards, earning a growl of warning from the guard and a shocked look on Deans face. At least the last thing he would see would be his lovely mate.

“I’m not going quietly, you dumb son of a bitch.” Cas could see the disbelief in the other man’s eyes, he must have thought Cas was just a normal omega. “So either shoot me, or –” Cas took another step forward, and the shot rang out. Omega and guard looked at each other in shock, because neither had actually expected him to take the shot. Alphas were hard wired to  _protect,_ that was why Crowley always hired beta guards, but as the shock of being shot sent adrenaline coursing through his body, his sense of smell returned with a vengeance. He watched, the world in muted tones, as Dean tackled the shocked male to the ground and punched him hard enough to knock him out.

Cas didn’t know  _how_ he ended up on the ground, but he was aware of a dull throbbing in his chest, and it was becoming remarkably hard to breathe. What small breaths he could manage, he inhaled through his nose, and  _by god,_ Dean was… he couldn’t even describe it.

Dean was a wash of pain, misery and shock, but underneath that, he smelt of pure  _alpha._ He was old, leather-bound books, hot apple and rhubarb pie. He was a grassy field after a storm and everything Cas had ever held dear.

Cas smiled up at Dean as he was hoisted into his arms, and he was so glad there was no pain. A small, quite insistent part of his brain told him  _that wasn’t a good sign,_ but he ignored it. Dean was there, and that meant everything was right with the world.

“Why’d you do that, Cas?” Dean was crying, and Cas really did try to lift his hand to wipe away his tears, but it was  _so hard_ doing anything but breathe. Even that was becoming difficult, he realised. Cas didn’t want to explain, so he just gave Dean a simple answer, even though he had wanted to wait. Dean deserved to know.

“Because I love you. People –” Cas coughed, and Dean sobbed harder. Something trickled out of the corner of his mouth. He hoped he wasn’t drooling. “People sacrifice themselves for those they love.” Talking was so hard, so he stopped. He watched as Dean curled closer to him, and touched his forehead with Cas’.

“I knew you’d be the death of me, Cas. But I didn’t ever see  _you_  dying.” Dean’s voice was rough, but seemed to be growing softer. Or maybe he was just fading faster. “ _I’m_ supposed to protect  _you,_ you stubborn son of a bitch.” Dean laughed, but he was crying harder. That was when Cas realised, he couldn’t feel his body. He was – he was  _actually_ dying. At least he had saved Dean, that was the most important thing.

He was distantly aware that he was probably getting blood all over his new tee shirt, but it didn’t really seem that important.

“I’ll see you again, Dean, I promise.” He knew his brain was frying, just shooting out everything and anything that came to mind, but he knew it was the right thing to say. He would see Dean again, because saving your mate, sacrificing yourself, just  _had_ to get some points upstairs, didn’t it?

“Cas, no,  _no,_ hold on buddy, the paramedics are almost here. You’re gonna be ok,  _Cas!”_ He could still hear Dean, but his eyes fluttered shut. He was just so  _tired._ A quick nap, and then he’d be alright. Or he’d be dead, but it wasn’t as if he could control it. “Cas? Oh god,  _no!_ I love you, Cas, please, I love you  _so much,_ you’ve gotta be ok, you have to be. Don’t leave me,  _please,_ I can’t lose another person.” Dean’s confessions of love swirled around Cas’ blood drained brain, but stayed and kept it warm. He would always have those memories, nothing could take them away.

Dean dimmed and faded, along with everything else, but that was alright. He had smelled his mate, finally, and they had confessed their love. All of his loose ends were tied. He did wish he’d had more time with Dean, had his pups, and gotten married. But he was happy even with the small amount of time he had been granted, and he knew he would see Dean again.

He sighed his last breath, and Dean’s grief stricken howl pierced the veil, following him into the unknown. 


	14. Angels Will Fly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't leave you guys hanging. Here's another chapter, i hope you like it :) 
> 
> See if anyone spots the little hint i put in there about Cas' family... hehe. 
> 
> Thank you so much for the comments! and the kudos! My fiance firmly believes, and i quote, that i "gain sustenance from the tears of my readers". I never knew he was so grim!! haha. But i do believe a good cry is healthy for the soul.
> 
> On-wards!

When his mate’s body had gone lax in his arms, Dean didn’t think he would survive the pain. Sam had to physically drag him away from Cas’ body when the paramedics arrived, and it had taken both Gadreel _and_ Sam to keep him from ripping the poor beta’s heads off when they had gone to move Cas onto the stretcher. The only small flare of hope that Dean kept alive was the paramedic practically sitting on Cas’ chest doing compressions.

The drive to the hospital passed by in a painful blur, and he was lucky Sam drove. The aching hole in his chest only grew bigger when they got to the hospital, only to be told Cas was in surgery. Dean didn’t know what the hell to do, but he couldn’t watch Sam and Gadreel scent each other in the waiting room. It was more than he could cope with.

Time was irrelevant, as far as he was concerned. He just wanted Cas to be ok, but every time someone in scrubs ran past, covered in blood, he knew it wasn’t a good sign. Sam found him hours later, hiding in an unused room. He just needed a little space to himself. He – he didn’t want to think about Cas not being alive, it was like his brain refused to even entertain the idea.

He’d found his fucking _family,_ was the universe really that cruel?

They had found their happily ever after, despite everything that had happened, and now fate, the cruel bitch that she was, had taken that from them.

Sam laid a hand gently on his shoulder, and Dean turned to look at him. He knew he must look a mess, but he didn’t care at all.

“Dean, the doctor wants to talk to you.” Dean’s insides went cold when he realised that was it; the doc was going to tell him his mate was dead. Dean fucking _whined,_ his whole chest vibrating with grief and desperation. Sam gathered him up in his arms and pulled him to his feet. Dean didn’t want to talk to the fucking doctor, just a little more time where he could fool himself into thinking Cas was still alive, that was all he wanted.

Cas officially died five times.

The doctor really shouldn’t have started with that, because it felt as if the floor just disappeared under Dean’s feet. Sam was there to catch him, thank Christ, but still. There had to be some kind of manual for telling families their loved ones were going to be ok. Something like, _your mates alive! Yay! He had some complications but we fixed him right up! Not –_

“Your Castiel’s mate?” The doctor, who looked like a freaking _child_ , looked so serious. Dean just nodded, numb to the news he knew he was going to get. “Castiel died –” Dean was on the ground before he knew what had happened. Just the words _Castiel died_ echoing around his head. He slowly batted Sam’s giant hand away from where he was slapping his face.

“Dude, just let me die. There’s no point now.” He saw Sam actually _roll his eyes._ What the hell was wrong with his brother that he would treat such a moment with such disrespect?

“If you actually listened to the doctor, without jumping to the _worst_ conclusion, you’d know that yeah, he died more than once, but he’s _alive,_ Dean.”

Not that Dean didn’t believe his brother, but he looked to the concerned looking doctor, to confirm anyway. He nodded, and Dean couldn’t help it, he burst into tears. Great racking sobs that shuddered through his whole body. Sam held him close, and he had never been happier that his brother was a giant softy, but damn was he a good hugger.

When he eventually calmed down, and he was glad it was the middle of the night and there weren’t any people around, he managed to stand on his own. He wanted to hug the doctor, but he was another alpha, and he was already looking at Dean’s emotional outburst with confusion. Alphas were usually so stoic and emotional retentive. Hell, _he_ used to be, but ever since Cas…

“Can I see him? Please?” He thought asking nicely would help. The doctor just nodded.

“Of course, he’s still asleep, but he should respond to your scent.” Dean was about to tell the doctor that Cas didn’t have his sense of smell back, but it didn’t matter. He just wanted to be with his mate.

The doctor, he still hadn’t got his name, led him to a private room. He opened the door and drew back the curtain, and something within Dean broke at seeing Cas hooked up to what looked like every machine the hospital owned. He whimpered and crossed quickly to where the omega was lying. He hesitated, because all he wanted to do was gather Cas in is arms and never let him go, but he didn’t want to cause him more pain. He looked at the doctor beseechingly, needing to know if he could go to his mate.

“The bullet hit his ribs, and punctured his lung. We managed to get the bleeding under control, but he did flat line on the table multiple times. We don’t – we won’t know what lasting damage he has until he wakes up. Having you around should help him; your _scent_ should help him.” The doctor moved forward and lowered the bars on the bed. “You can lay on the bed with him, just be careful of his lines and wound.”

Dean didn’t even care that the doctor was still there; he quickly stripped down to his tee shirt and underpants, and carefully plastered himself along as much of Cas as he could. He scented him everywhere, wanting desperately to erase the smell of blood, fear and death. He ran his feet up and down Cas’ bare legs, shivering at the feeling of the other man’s hairs against his own. He reached over Cas chest, careful to avoid the large bandage covering his whole upper half, and ran his hand up and down Cas’ arm. He did the same with the other, and eventually made his way to Cas’ neck, where he buried his face.

He didn’t cry, because Cas was safe and _there,_ with him. He held him as carefully was he could, and just stayed there until he finally fell asleep.

* * *

 

“Sam’s here to visit you buddy, and Gadreels here too.” Dean smiled at his brother and his mate, who entered holding each other’s hands. Dean’s heart ached when he squeezed the hand he was holding, and it didn’t squeeze back. He should have been used to it, but even after two weeks, he still expected Cas to just wake up.

The doctors all said there could have been complications with the blood loss and Dean _understood,_ he really did, but then they said there hadn’t been anything on the brain scan to indicate damage, so he didn’t know what to think. Cas was just taking his sweet time about it.

He was off the ventilator, which was a huge bonus but he was still hooked up to the cardiogram and IV drip. They were all over his left side though, so it was easy for Dean to sleep on his right. The bullet had _just_ missed his heart, apparently it had glanced off a rib, but if it had gone the other way…

Dean didn’t like to think about that, it made his alpha _hurt._

He tried to keep smiling for the few visitors Cas had, but Dean’s family… they could see right through him. He didn’t need to pretend that he was ok with them, because he really wasn’t, and he was tired of pretending.

“He’s gonna wake up, Dean.” Sam said the same thing every time they visited, and so far, it hadn’t run true. Dean just sighed and laid his head where his and Cas’ hands were joined on the bed.

“Whatever you say, man. At least he’s healing. Doc said his wound looks good.” There were silver linings, he just had to look for them through the storm, or he’d sink and be lost. Cas needed him, so he had to stay strong and positive.

“What he did was very brave, Dean. You should be very proud.” He knew Gadreel was trying to make him feel better, but his emotions were rubbed raw with people saying the same shit every day. He didn’t want a hero, he just wanted his mate.

“I’d be more _proud,_ if he wasn’t such a stubborn son of a bitch and just woke the hell up!” Dean’s heart was pounding, and he knew he was spewing out aggressive, unhappy alpha pheromones, but he didn’t care. Everyone could just fuck off with their positive bullshit –

He went to pull away, but couldn’t.

Cas’ hand was clasped firmly within his, but _Cas was holding on._ Dean swore his heart actually _stopped,_ because he didn’t want to move, let alone breathe. Sam and Gadreel quickly caught on that something was different, because they froze as well.

“Cas? Buddy?” His hand was squeezed again, and it was the _best_ feeling. “Can you hear me?” Another squeeze. “Can you open your eyes? Can you do that for me?” He motioned for Sam to go get the doc, before concentrating on Cas again.

Very slowly, with what looked like herculean effort, Cas’ eyes fluttered open and blearily focused on him. A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, and his blue eyes blazed up at the alpha.

“Hello, Dean.”

* * *

 

They kept him in hospital for a month, mainly because he had been a coma for so long, and because Dean kept snarling every time they talked about sending him home. In Dean’s mind, the hospital was the safest place for him. He had all the doctors and nurses taking care of him, even if most of the time Dean wanted to do it all himself. His alpha huffed in annoyance when a nurse came to give Cas his sponge bath. Cas just smirked, because the little shit knew exactly what it did to him, and he used it  _daily_ in his attempts to go home.

Finally, Dean had had enough and he relented. The doctors discharged Cas the next day.

“Are you sure you don’t want a wheelchair? I can get you one –” Dean frowned and clutched at Cas’ small bag. He didn’t have much stuff, because he didn’t want it smelling like the hospital. The _only_ upside of being shot, apparently the trauma had caused Cas’ sense of smell to come back.

The doctors had forbidden them to try any _funny business_ because Cas needed all of his blood to stay where it was _needed,_ so they hadn’t even scented each other properly. Dean was dying to do it, and he could tell Cas was past the stage of super horny and chugged straight to blue balls.

“Dean, _I am fine._ Can we just get home? I am – I am eager to have some privacy.” Cas’ cheeks darkened with a deep flush, and Dean could smell the arousal flowing from him. Dean growled, because anyone would be able to scent it. Cas was pretty much healed, and they both knew what that meant. The doctors said it would take a while before Cas had another heat, it would only happen once his body was fully healed, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t do the _do._

Dean couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so eager to get home. Cas wasn’t much better, touching Dean at every opportunity. Dean rumbled when Cas’ hand slid up his thigh slowly, tentatively stroking just the tips of his fingers against Deans growing bulge.

“Cas…” Dean growled warningly, because they weren’t even home and he was getting real close to just finding a side street. All his animal side wanted to do was _mate, claim, breed,_ but Dean’s human side stopped that train of thought in its tracks. Cas deserved so much better than that, so he could wait, like the mature adult that he was.

By the time they arrived home, Dean was hard, aroused and had picked up a constant growl that rumbled through his chest. He could smell his mate was leaking, the slick smelling sweeter than anything he could imagine. Cas was whining and panting, and Dean was worried he’d started a spontaneous heat, even though the doctors said it was impossible, or not likely.

When Dean tried to unlock the front door, Cas plastered himself up against the alpha, licking and nipping every bit of skin he could reach.

With a growl, Dean finally got the door open and hurried them both inside. He threw Cas’ bag towards the couch, and didn’t even bother with their coats. He just grabbed Cas and carried him, bridal style, into their room. He’d spent almost every waking moment with Cas at the hospital, and he was so lucky his boss was so understanding.

He’d been super happy lately, some family thing that he didn’t want to talk about until he got all the details. He hoped it worked out for him; he was a really good boss and an awesome guy. They were pretty good friends, but they didn’t talk about their families much. It was a good working relationship, and that worked well for Dean.

Dean placed Cas carefully on their bed, always mindful of his still healing wound, and proceeded to peel every piece of clothing off the omegas trembling body. Dean’s heart ached at the scar that dissected Cas’ chest, but he was _alive_ because of that scar, so Dean leaned forward and kissed it. Cas sighed, and raked his hands through Deans hair.

“You are far too clothed for my liking, Dean.” Cas was panting, and he sounded _wrecked_. They hadn’t even got to the good part. Dean grinned and shed all of his clothes a quickly as possible. They had time later for sexy, at that moment he was two seconds away from losing it and he hadn’t even touched Cas, or himself.

Cas had moved himself to the middle of the bed, stretching and pawing at himself, like a giant cat. Dean took the opportunity and starting at the omegas toes, he kissed and licked his way up his body. Cas was shivering with uncontainable _want_ by the time Dean reached his dribbling cock, and when he took the omega into his mouth, Cas moaned.

“Dean… _Dean,_ stop. Seriously, I want you in me when I come, and I am embarrassingly close already.” Cas whined when Dean laughed around his dick, but he relented, nibbling at the omegas balls while he slid his hand under Cas’ ass, meeting a slick and open entrance. Cas tensed when Dean teased his entrance, but practically _wailed_ when he slid a finger inside. He was warm, tight and _perfect._

Dean groaned and dropped his head onto the omegas thigh. It was almost more than he could take. He could feel his knot throbbing at the base of his dick, and he knew it wouldn’t be a long show. By the time he was three fingers deep inside the omega, Cas was actually holding the base of his dick so he wouldn’t come. They were both panting, sweaty messes, but neither of them could wipe the grins off their faces.

“You think you’re ready?” Dean withdrew his fingers, and couldn’t resist bringing them to his mouth. He licked the slick off, groaning around his digits at the sweet, pure scent of his mate. He smirked when he saw Cas just staring at him, flushed, with his mouth open.

“Am I ready? What the hell do you think?” Dean laughed, because _damn._ Cas had the cutest grumpy face, but he didn’t smell pissed off. His scent was all kinds of sexed up and excited.

Cas yelped when Dean, carefully, flipped them over so he was on the bottom, and Cas was straddling his thighs. Cas looked at him quizzically, so Dean just shrugged, and caressed the omegas thighs.

“It’s easier this way, it won’t put any weight on your chest and you can control what pace we go at.” Dean bit his lip, and looked up at Cas with as much love as he could convey through just his eyes. “I want it to be good for you.” Cas surged forwards, and captured Deans lips in a heated, breathless kiss. He drew back and looked into the alphas eyes.

“I love you so much, Dean. You – you’ve shown me a world I didn’t know existed, and given me things I never thought I would have.” Dean’s heart leapt, because he hadn’t told Cas about his family yet, he was waiting for the right time. He’d rung James back and said they were going through some stuff, not giving details, and said he’d be in contact soon. He hoped Cas felt the same after Dean told him he’d found his family.

“You have no idea what you’ve given me, Cas. You’ve – you’ve given me a new sense of purpose. I love you more than anything… I mean, you know how crap I am with words and feelings, so you know what those words mean to me.” Cas smiled down at him, and pressed a tender kiss to his mouth. Nothing more needed saying; they could smell it radiating around them, their love for each other, their perfect connection.

Cas sat back and shuffled around onto his knees. Dean gasped when he grabbed his cock, and slipped it behind his balls. Dean could feel the tight pucker of Cas’ slicked entrance, resting against the flared head of his cock. Cas let out a breath as he pushed downwards, and Dean could _feel_ Cas’ body open up for him, letting him delve into the hot cavern of his ass.

“ _Oooohhh yes.”_ Cas panted and moaned as he eased downwards, slowly and carefully, stopping when the ache became too much. Dean could see it in his face when it did, the tightening around his mouth, and the tensing of the tendons in his neck. Dean tried to help as much as he could, running his hands softly over Cas skin, grazing the pink buds of his nipples.

When Cas was fully seated, Deans balls nestled snuggly against his ass, Cas closed his eyes and sighed. He could tell the omega was savouring the feeling, because Dean was doing the same. Cas felt hot, tight and just so goddamned _perfect,_ he couldn’t even imagine anything more amazing.

“Move whenever you’re ready,” Dean whispered to Cas quietly, because he didn’t want to break the spell the omega seemed to be under. Cas was dripping slick steadily down Deans cock, even though the seal looked pretty tight. Cas’ breath caught when he rose up a few inches, and slid back down. Dean almost cried at the unholy amount of pleasure that small movement caused. He could feel his knot throbbing just under the surface, and tried to steady his breathing, to make it last longer.

Cas, apparently, hadn’t read the memo.

The omega rose up fully, until Deans dick was almost entirely free of him, before slamming back down. He was so forceful; he practically knocked the air from Dean’s lungs. His pace didn’t let up, even when Dean tried to subtly control the movement with his hands on his hips, Cas just growled at him. Dean couldn’t help but grin, because he actually loved that feisty side of Cas. It meant he was completely and totally at ease with the alpha.

He _trusted_ him.

Before too long, Dean felt his knot start to make its presence known. He’d never actually had sex with an omega before, so he had no idea what was going to happen. He’d tried to ask Sam about what it had been like with Gadreel, but his brother had just got a goofy look on his face, and Dean had had to force himself not to throw up on him.

“Cas, are you – are you close?” They hadn’t been together enough times for Dean to know Cas’ tell, so actually _forming words_ was the only way to go. He sounded like the alpha inside him was dangerously close to the surface, but he could control it. He wasn’t going to go all wild hunt on Cas’ ass.

“Yes, Dean, _yes,_ oh _god.”_ Cas didn’t seem totally aware of what was going on, so Dean took it upon himself to take charge. They couldn’t actually _mate_ until Cas had his heat, something to do with pheromones and hormones or some shit, Dean didn’t even pretend to know about that stuff, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t make it epic for the omega.

Cas began to whine when Deans knot started catching on his rim with every downward stroke, but Cas knew what he was doing. Dean could feel his orgasm start to build, that warm tense feeling in his stomach coiling tighter and tighter. When Cas yelped past another thrust, Dean knew it was time. He grabbed Cas’ hips, stilling him on the upwards thrust.

“I’m going to knot you, alright, Cas?” Dean needed Cas’ approval, even if they had talked about it before. Cas’ wide eyes stared down at him, and Cas nodded his head.

“I know, I can… _uuuhhh…_ I can _feel_ it. Do it Dean, _do it._ ” Dean lowered Cas slowly onto his swollen knot, mindful of the pressure and strain Cas’ body was under. Using one hand to guide him down, Dean used his other to feel around Cas’ entrance, to make sure he was lubed enough and his knot would fit, without hurting his mate. Cas’ eyes widened as Deans knot slipped past the taught skin, and lodged itself fully inside the omega. They stayed there, completely still, until Cas started flexing muscles deep inside his body.

Dean groaned, his hands tightening on Cas’ thighs as the head of his cock was _massaged_ by what must have been Cas’ cervix. He was so close to coming, just a little more and he’d be tipped over the edge. His hips gave an involuntary jerk, and that was all it took.

Cas _screamed,_ shooting his small load all over Deans stomach, and clenching his muscles tightly inside. The pressure around his knot was so great; Dean couldn’t do anything but lay back and just _feel_ his orgasm practically sucked from his dick. Cas’ body was milking him dry, and it just didn’t _stop._ He pulsed deep inside the omega, every part of him, every _instinct_ screaming at him to breed his mate up, and fill him with pups. Wave after wave of pleasure crashed over him, and he was only dimly aware of Cas moaning his name in time with the fluctuations of his trembling muscles.

Cas collapsed forwards onto Dean, clearly not giving two shits about the mess between them and nuzzled into his neck, scenting him. They would be locked together for some time, but Dean was glad for it. He wanted to stay inside Cas forever. It was warm, safe and perfect.

Cas was asleep, a sex induced unconsciousness that Dean knew he wouldn’t be able to rouse him from. That was totally fine with him. He scented his omega, smelling their scents mixed together, complementing, tangling together until one couldn’t be told from the other.

It settled the alpha inside him, appeased every instinct that roared through his veins, until he was content enough, and relaxed enough, that he fell asleep still deep inside his mate.


	15. Straight Down The Line

Cas felt… out of sorts.

He couldn’t put his finger on exactly _what_ was wrong, but something felt _different,_ something he couldn’t explain. He was exhausted because of his still healing wound, but it _was_ healing, and that was the main thing.

Dean was so attentive to him, it made his heart ache. He was always checking on him, seeing if he had everything he needed and that he was resting as much as he should. He had positively scolded him when he had come home from work three weeks after Cas was released from hospital, only to find him deep cleaning the kitchen.

They had stared each other down, Dean posturing his alphaness all over the room, before Cas broke and physically threw himself at the alpha.

The sex that night, _well,_ Cas could barely sit the next day, much to Sam’s horror.

Six weeks after Cas was released from hospital, Dean deemed Cas healed enough that he could go back to work. Cas finally found out what Dean did for a job.

“You work at a _bakery?”_ Cas had been beyond surprised, which seemed to amuse Dean.

“Yeah, man, I can bake a _mean_ pie. My boss is awesome; you’ll have to meet him one day.”

So Dean went back to work, they formed a routine, and things were good. More than good, really. So the last thing Cas wanted to do was scare Dean over something that was probably nothing. He hadn’t had a heat but the doctor said that was normal until his body was fully healed. He practically _ached_ for Dean’s mark, but it would happen when his body was ready.

“Gadreel?” The other omega had come to hang out with him while Sam and Dean were at work. Gadreel was an occasional bouncer at a club, much to Cas’ surprise, so his days were free. Gadreel turned to face him on the couch.

“Yes, Cas?”

“I ah, I have a doctor’s appointment later. Would you accompany me? Please?” Cas was very good friends with Gadreel, but he still didn’t like putting others out. He could make his own way to the clinic; it was just a check-up, after all, but it would be nice to have some company. He didn’t like taking the bus. He let out a breath when Gadreel smiled and nodded.

“Yes, of course. I need to book an appointment anyway.” Cas narrowed his eyes at his friend, and raised his eyebrows. “It’s nothing like that, don’t worry. I just need to get a new prescription for birth control.” Gadreel went back to reading, and Cas bit his lip. Him and Dean hadn’t talked about that, but he supposed he should go on birth control as well. They didn’t know when his next heat was going to hit, and he wanted to be prepared.

* * *

 

“Good to see you, darlin’.” Ellen smiled and indicated a chair for him to sit in. One of the last times he had been in her office, he had found out he was pregnant… and then had lost it.

It wasn’t exactly a good feeling.

It was little more than an apple seed when he had found out, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. He would always remember his first pregnancy, as brief as it was.

“Hello, Ellen. Are you just checking my wound today?” He thought it was healing up fine, but it was always good getting the doctors opinion, to satisfy his alphas worries. Dean had wanted to come with him, but he had already missed far too much work. Gadreel waited just outside the door, but Cas doubted he would need him. It still astounded him that he didn’t need his alpha in the room with him. The world had changed dramatically over the last twenty years.

“Yes sir, but don’t hold back if you have any other questions. Just ask away while I check you out.” Ellen gave Cas a wink and the omega couldn’t help but laugh. He felt so light and free, it was wonderful.

Ellen gathered up what equipment she would need, while Cas climbed up on the exam table and took off his shirt. He had shed the bandage weeks ago, and the stitches had come out before that. All that was left was a thin pink line running directly down between his pectorals, and a small pink hole where the bullet had entered him.

Ellen hummed and touched his scar, fingers a little cold. It didn’t bother him; he was too busy trying to formulate what he wanted to ask her.

“Um, so, I’ve been feeling… _off,_ these last few weeks.” Ellen stepped back and took off her gloves. She gave him a level look, so he knew he had all of her attention. “I can’t exactly explain it, but I was wondering if you could help?” Cas smiled at her beseechingly as he put his shirt back on, because he had a feeling she wouldn’t know what was wrong either.

“Ok, hun, I’m gonna need a bit more than that. I can run a blood test for you, if you’d like to be safe?” Cas nodded and rolled up his sleeve, so Ellen grabbed what she’d need and drew some blood. Cas didn’t even flinch, because he had been through far worse than just a blood test. “We should get the results in a few minutes.”

They talked about his home life while they waited for the test results, about how Dean was treating him, and him going back to work. After about half an hour, a nurse came into the room with some sheets of paper and smile for Cas. Ellen read the papers quickly, looked up at Cas, blinked, and looked back down at the notes.

“When was your last heat, Cas?” He bit his lip, and thought back. It was months ago. After he had stopped withdrawing from the drugs.

“Uh, a while. I can’t exactly be sure. Maybe February?” That was a long time ago. It felt like a whole lifetime had passed since then. Ellen just nodded and pursed her lips.

“When you were released from the hospital, how long after that did you have sexual intercourse?” Cas blushed, that was a very forward question. He wondered what Ellen was getting at with all the personal questions.

“Um, well, that same night? It was – it was the first time me and Dean… you know, _did it._ ” Good god he sounded like a teenager describing their first time. He shouldn’t be so embarrassed, but Ellen was very much a motherly figure and she had the attitude to match.

“I’m gonna go ahead and assume you’ve been doing in since,” It wasn’t a question, and Cas flushed further. In all honesty, they hadn’t been able to keep their hands off each other. Almost every night Dean knotted him, deep and satisfying. When he realised what he was thinking about, he bit his lip and nodded. “Have you been using protection? You aren’t on any birth control.”

Cas shook his head, because why would they? He could only get pregnant during his heat, so there wasn’t anything to worry about.

Right?

“Ellen, what’s going on? Am I sick?” Cas’ heart sped up, along with his breathing. He knew something wasn’t right. For weeks he had thought it was just him getting over his gunshot wound, but no, he was probably dying of some incurable disease. He frowned when Ellen sighed and _smiled._

“No, Castiel, you’re not sick. Well, you’re probably _going to be,_ that will be a symptom you’ll experience. As well as fatigue, cravings, mood swings, nesting behaviours…” Cas blinked rapidly as he tried to process what the hell Ellen was saying. As everything fell into place, his brain stuttered to a stop at one very obvious point.

“But – but I haven’t had a heat.” It couldn’t possibly have happened; he had to have had a heat and penetrative sexual intercourse for it to happen. He felt dizzy.

“Well, it is extremely rare, but it does happen. You’re not properly mated, with a bonding bite yet, so your bodies are both crying out for some kind of connection to each other in any way they can manage. So, _your_ body has changed very slightly, allowing for conception outside of a heat. That in turn will appease Dean’s alpha on a very base level. All of it is designed to make the two of you closer, and in most cases, what brings a pair closer than a baby?” Ellen full on grinned, but Cas was still stuck on the _baby_ part. His mind kept jumping back to when Dean first found him, and the doomed pregnancy he hadn’t really known about.

“I want to see it, can you – can you make sure its ok?” Cas was near frantic, he needed to know if the little life inside him was alright, before he could even begin to put any hope in it. He couldn’t have his heart broken twice, he wouldn’t survive that, despite all he had been through. Ellen nodded, but her smile fell slightly.

“Do you want me to call Dean?” Cas shook his head. He had to know what he was facing, before he could face Dean. Ellen nodded in understanding, before gesturing to the exam table once again. Cas lay back while Ellen wheeled over the ultrasound machine, but Cas sat up and stopped her.

“Can – can Gadreel come in?” He didn’t want to be alone, no matter what they found. He just wanted to tell Dean on his own terms. He pulled his shirt up as Ellen smiled and nodded, before sticking her head out the door and beckoning for the other omega to enter the room.

Gadreel looked confused when he came in, tilting his head to the side and squinting at Cas’ state of undress. “Is everything alright, Castiel?” Gadreel stood right next to Cas head, and Cas grabbed one of his big hands. It reminded him painfully of the last time he had been in that situation, and his heart ached for his lost child.

“You ready, sweetie?” Ellen was so nice; she reminded him so much of what he could remember of his own mother. Cas nodded, and focused on the screen. He didn’t even feel the gel, or the wand. His entire _being_ was focused on the screen in front of him. By his estimates, if it was conceived the first time he and Dean made love, than it would be just over six weeks along.

A rhythmic fluttering echo filled the room, and he clenched Gadreels hand. He wasn’t sure, but it could be what he had been waiting for. His heart flipped and he felt hot all over.

“Is that – is that my…” He couldn’t say it; he didn’t want to do anything to jinx it. Cas watched the screen as Ellen pressed some buttons and hovered the wand over a specific place, just below his belly button. Tears misted his eyes, but they didn’t fall, not until -

“Yeah, hun, that’s your baby’s heart beating.”

* * *

 

“So you’re…” Gadreel glanced quickly at Cas, a smile spreading across his face. “You’re pregnant.” Cas just nodded, tears running down his face. It was unreal, the feeling of happiness and fear all galloping around inside him. Slowly, his hand drifted down until he was unconsciously spreading his fingers across his flat belly. There was a _baby_ a few inches from his hand. A _baby,_ and it was _alright._  

_He was pregnant._

Ellen was trying to get his attention.

“Congratulations, Castiel. Now, I know this may have come as a bit of a shock,” Cas widened his eyes at the doctor, and even he was surprised at the level of his sass. Dean would have been proud. Oh god, _Dean._ What was he going to think? Did he even want a child? What if he _didn’t?_ Cas could never get rid of his baby, not even for his alpha.

He whipped around when he felt a firm hand on his shoulder. Both Gadreel and Ellen were looking at him with concern. “I know your probably worrying a lot right now, but _don’t worry._ Everything looked fine on the monitor. I want you to come back in a month to see how things are progressing. Because of your history, I think that’s for the best, especially for your peace of mind.” Cas nodded absently, but hardly heard her. His mind was a mess of worries and panic, despite what Ellen said. He was so happy his baby was alright, though.

“Is there anything I can take to help?” Cas managed to drag himself away from his rapidly terrifying thoughts, to ask the questions he needed to. Ellen nodded and scribbled something on her prescription book.

“These are some good prenatal vitamins, as well as something for the nausea, if you develop any.” Cas took the piece of paper Ellen held out to him, and put it in his pocket. He’d need to pick them up before they went home. “Now, in a few weeks, around the twelve week mark, you’ll get what you’ll think is a heat, but it’s just your body adjusting to everything. You can still mate during, and it will take, just like in a normal heat situation.” Ellen smiled at Cas, kindness written all over her face.

“Cas… I can tell you now; Dean will be over the moon about this. There aint nothin more important to him than family, and you’re giving him the opportunity to make his bigger. He’s going to be fine, don’t worry.” It was as if Ellen had read his mind. She was right, of course, but it only tempered the fear slightly, it didn’t make it fade completely.

Cas stood, and attempted a smile for the doctor. “Thank you, Ellen. I’m sure I’m just worrying about nothing. It’s just – it’s quite a shock, that’s all.” Ellen nodded and opened the door for them, patting Cas on the back as he went.

“It’s a miracle in itself, hun. Just remember that.”

* * *

 

“Please don’t say anything when we get home.” Cas shifted nervously in his seat, because he knew it was a redundant request. Gadreel wouldn’t say anything unless expressly told he could, it was just the way the omega worked.

“Of course. But I do think you should tell him soon. The stress of keeping it to yourself won’t be good for your baby.” Cas’ heart skipped at the mention of the baby, as he expected it would for a long time to come. They called in to the drug store and filled the prescription, the cashier smiling at him softly. He felt strangely light when people looked at him that way, as if his body was filled with helium and happiness.

By the time they arrived back home, Dean and Sam were both home from work. Cas heart felt as if it would jump right out of his chest, but he ignored it. Telling Dean he was expecting his child should be the easiest thing he’d had to deal with in his life.

The smell of burgers and happy alphas met the omegas when they entered the house, and Dean was immediately in front of him. He stepped back, and ducked his head, still unused to the attention his mate, or soon to be mate, lavished upon him.

“Heya, Cas. How was the doctor’s visit?” Dean was relaxed and happy; it was literally the perfect time to drop a pregnancy bombshell. Dean frowned, and must have smelt Cas’ nerves. “Cas? Everything alright?” Dean looked over at Gadreel, who currently had a Sam wrapped around him, and shrugged.

“Dean, ah, I need to – to talk to you.” Cas’ tongue felt thick and dumb. He was so nervous he could barely get the words out. Dean actually _picked him up,_ and deposited him on the couch.

“Take your time, buddy.”

Cas looked over at Gadreel, who smiled and nodded. The other omega, and Ellen, were very confident that Dean would react well, and Cas wanted to believe that, but a part of him was still scared that the alpha would react badly. He supposed he would always have that small part of himself that mistrusted alphas, even one as loving and amazing as Dean.

Cas closed his eyes, breathed in and out a few times, to relax, and opened them to find Dean looking at him with concern, and love. So much love it filled up the room and eclipsed every fear and worry Cas could possibly have.

“Ellen said it was a miracle, Dean. She said it only very rarely happens.” Dean’s eyes went wide. Cas took his hands in his, and placed them gently over his stomach, where somewhere deep inside, _their baby_ was growing, safe and strong.

“You’re… but… you haven’t…” Dean didn’t seem able to form whole sentences. Gadreel and Sam were silent on the other couch, letting them have their moment.

“I know, but I am. I’m pregnant, Dean.” Cas grinned, and couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up and out of him. “I’m growing our baby.”

“I just – I don’t even know what to say. We’re – we’re gonna be parents?” Dean looked stunned, but as Cas scented the air around him, all he could smell was happiness.

“Yes, Dean.” Cas felt so very _light_ after telling his alpha. He wasn’t worried anymore, because he knew Dean was happy about the news. They would be a _family._ Something Cas hadn’t had in a very long time. “I want – I want to thank you, Dean.” The alpha nodded for Cas to go on, clearly curious about what he had done to earn praise. “You’ve given me something I haven’t had in a very long time.” Cas could feel tears burning behind his eyes, and he didn’t even try to stop them from falling. Dean gathered him up in his arms, and Cas clung to him to stop outright sobbing. “You’ve given me a family, Dean. I can never thank you enough for that.” When Dean tensed, Cas’ heart dropped.

“You mean so much to me, Cas. I’ve always considered you part of my family. Remember what I said when we first met?” Cas could remember, clear as day. It was the first time he actually felt safe, in a very long time. _You’re family now, and with us? Family doesn’t end in blood._ Cas looked up at Deans face, and for the first time he actually saw his mate was nervous.

About what?

“Uh, so, I should’ve told you ages ago, but with everything that happened…” Dean trailed off and Cas was beginning to feel panicky again. It wasn’t a good feeling.

“Just spit it out, for fuck sake.” Dean barked out a nervous laugh at Cas language, but Cas was beyond caring about decency at that point. He was steeling himself for a mental blow when –

“I ah, I think I found your family, Cas.” That was certainly not what Cas had expected.

“You _what?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay babies. This story is almost finished, i'm sad to say. Maybe one more chapter? I'm itching to start another A/B/O fic i thought of, so i need to get this one finished, lest i spread my time too thin!
> 
> Leave a comment or kudos, whatevs. Thanks for reading!!


	16. Crumbling Like Pastries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Urg i'm so sorry this took so long. AND its super short as well. the next chapter will be the last, so don't worry. i will wrap everything up in a tight little bow. 
> 
> There's no excuse for my absence, apart from being a bit under the weather and trying to plan my wedding. its so much harder than i thought!!
> 
> Enjoy!!

Dean immediately assumed he was in the shit.

He should have damn well _asked_ before he went around Cas’ back, looking for his family. Why the hell did he think it was a good idea? Maybe Cas thought his family were better off thinkin he was dead, instead of finding out the horrors their young child had been subjected to.

“Cas, I’m sorry, I – shit, I should never have gone behind your back.” Dean still had his hands on the tense omega, but he didn’t want to let him go. “I thought I’d surprise you. I – I didn’t think it through, I’m so sorry.” Cas was just… staring at him.

Finally, he seemed to find his voice.

“What part are you sorry about, Dean?” He didn’t think he had the words to describe the tone of Cas’ voice. It was… scarily absent. “That you neglected to inform me of your intensions, or that you actually found them?” Dean didn’t know what to say, until he saw the tears falling silently down his mates face.

“Are you – are you mad or –”

“Mad? Why the hell would I be _mad,_ Dean?” Cas seemingly angrily, wiped the tears from his face and glared at Dean. “I’ve _just_ found out that I’m _pregnant_ after not even having a heat, and then you drop the fact you have found my _family_ who I haven’t had any contact with in _eighteen years,_ and you think I’m _mad?”_ Dean had no idea what was going on, so he snuck a glance at Sam and Gadreel –

Who weren’t even in the room.

Fuck.

Cowards, couldn’t even deal with a pregnant guy –

 _Oh._ Oh shit, Cas was _pregnant._ He was such an _idiot._

“I’m so sorry, Cas. I should have held off until the shock wore off.” Dean scooted closer to his mate, and took him into his arms. Cas went willingly, because he wasn’t _angry._ He was hormonal. Dean almost laughed at the absurdity of it all. Dean was going to be a parent. Cas, apparently, had the same line of thought.

“I swear to _god,_ if you start laughing, I will rip your balls off and force you to eat them.”

Well, that shut him up good.

* * *

 

Dean carried Cas to their room and made him comfortable in bed. He’d fallen asleep right after telling Dean that everything was great with their pup, and they would have another chance to see it in a month’s time. The omega had cried again, apologising profusely that Dean hadn’t been there the first time, but Dean totally understood Cas’ impatience.

After the disaster that was his first pregnancy, having the peace of mind that everything was ship shape was more important than who was there first. As long as his mate, and their baby, was alright, he could pretty much roll with anything.

“You guys are little shits for ditching me like that.” Dean grumbled at the two sitting at the kitchen table. They just snickered, until Sam came around the table, and hugged the life out of him. “Jesus, Sammy, what’s got into you?”

“You’re gonna be a dad, Dean! I can’t believe it! Congrats!” If there were any more exclamation points in that sentence, Dean was going to have to have a sleep. Sam was grinning at him, and so was Gadreel. Dean ducked his head and couldn’t hold in his happiness, a grin spread across his face.

“Dude, I’m gonna be a _dad._ ” It was still sinking in, but holy _hell._ Gadreel placed a coffee down in front of each of them, and Dean was _so glad_ his brother was mated to such a cool guy.

“That you are, Dean. It is a momentous occasion. Congratulations.” Even if the guy did talk like a medieval knight.

“So, have you talked to Cas’ family since the accident?” Sam looked at him, frowning in concern. Dean played with his mug.

“Yeah, I called them while Cas was in the hospital,” a cold feeling swept through him, like it always did when he thought about almost losing Cas, “I told them I’d call them in a few months, when our _family problem_ had settled down.” Sam shook his head, but smiled.

“Well, I think it’s fairly settled at the moment. You better give them a call.” He knew Sam was right, but that didn’t stop him from panicking. How in the hell were _they_ going to react to their son being alive and well?

* * *

 

Dean made sure Cas was still asleep, and put a glass of water on the bedside table for him, with his pills, in case he needed to take them.

Walking back out into the living room, he noted that Sam and Gadreel had retreated to Sam’s room, to give him some privacy. He spun his phone in his hands, before taking a deep breath and bringing up James Novak’s contact details.

The phone rang, and Dean’s heart beat in his ears.

“Dean? Is that you?” James’ voice rang out, and Dean quickly turned down the volume. He didn’t want Cas hearing, not until everything was sorted.

“Hey, yeah, it’s me. Uh, so, things have – things have changed.” Dean heard a sharp intake of breath, and knew he’d said the wrong thing. “No, shit, no I mean, I think you guys should come, from wherever, and meet him. See if he really is your son.” God he hoped to high heaven he hadn’t got everyone’s hopes up. They _had_ to be the right people, who else had a blue eyed son named _Castiel_ who went missing when he was seven?

None, he hoped.

“Really? We – we want that, so much.” Dean could hear the relief in the other man’s voice, but his heart still thundered away in his chest. He was so nervous the whole thing was going to be a bust, that the people he had found weren’t any relation to Cas.

“So, uh, when’s a good time for you?” Dean tried to sound casual, but probably failed on so many levels. James hummed on the other side of the phone.

“Is – is next week alright? I know it’s soon, but – but we’re desperate to see if it really is him. You’ve got to understand.” Dean nodded, than winced when he realised the other man couldn’t see him.

“Yeah, I, uh, I understand, more than you know. Next week is fine.” Dean really hoped Cas was up for it, that a week was enough time to prepare. Dean rattled off his address.

“Oh, that’s actually not far from us. Our other son lives close by too. Is it alright if he comes as well?” Dean pursed his lips, and worked out how many people that would mean Cas meeting all at once. His Dad, his Mom, and his brother. That didn’t seem too much, just his close family.

“Yeah, that’s fine. Uh, just, he’s a bit… fragile, at the moment. Just go easy, ok?” Dean didn’t want to tell Cas’ family that he was pregnant. He didn’t want to take that moment away from his mate.

“Of course, I can only imagine what he’s going through.” Dean crooked his head in the direction of their bedroom, where he could hear Cas shuffling around.

“I’ve gotta go. Text me when you guys are coming over.” Dean said his goodbyes to James, and hung up. He made his way to their bedroom, and smiled when he saw Cas sitting up in bed, his clothes changed.

“Hello, Dean.” Cas looked so relaxed, he’d obviously calmed down from before. Dean peeled off his jeans and crawled onto the bed next to the omega. Cas moved so his head rested on Deans chest. Taking one of the alphas hands, the omega brought it down to cover his still flat stomach.

“We’re gonna be _parents,_ Cas.” Dean still couldn’t really believe there was a little life growing away under his hand. He watched as a small smiled tugged at the corner of Cas’ mouth.

“I know, Dean. It makes me… _very_ happy.”

* * *

 

Dean paced.

He chewed his lip.

He was _nervous,_ not just to meet his mates family, but for his mate to _meet his family._

Cas was frowning something fierce on the couch, and he was sure the tv was going to burst into flames with the intensity with which Cas was staring at it.

“Sit down, Dean.” The alpha jumped when Cas’ gravelly voice echoed around the room. His heart thundered away in his chest, a hundred wild horses stampeding away from what was likely to be a very emotional reunion. Dean was a grown ass man, and he could deal with _feelings._

Sure between his brother and Cas, his feelings quota was full. So any on top of that, well, it made him slightly uncomfortable, on edge. So if he didn’t want to sit still and stew in his nerves, he wasn’t going to.

“I’m good, I’m ok.” Dean faced his mate and scratched his head. “Do want a drink or –” Dean froze when a knock at the door rang out. Cas did the same, his eyes widening in fear. Dean could smell it radiating off him, permeating the air. He ran to his mate, ignoring the quite knocks at the door.

Gathering Cas up in his arms, Dean closed his eyes and breathed in his mates calming scent. Cas scented him, running his soft lips over Deans scent gland, gathering whatever strength he needed to, to face his family.

“I’m ready. I just – I needed a minute.” Dean looked into his mates blue eyes, and saw more strength and purpose there than he’d ever seen in anyone. It gave him hope, and calmed his nerves. If Cas could do it, so could he.

Dean nodded, and headed towards the door.

When the alpha opened the door, he had to do a double take. It was almost as if an older, more weathered version of Cas was staring back at him.

“You must be Dean.” The man held out his hand. “I’m James, and this is my wife, Rebecca.” Dean shook James’ hand, and smiled at the small woman behind him.

“Nice to meet you both, um, come in.” Dean gestured for them to enter, but made sure he was in front of them as they made their way back into the living room. He immediately went to his mate’s side. Dean took his hand, to show his omega that he was there for him, no matter what.

“Cas – Castiel?” James and Rebecca stood staring at Cas, like deer facing a truckers bright beams. Dean saw Cas clench his jaw, and nod. Cas lightly scented the air, and it was as if something physically _clicked_ inside the omega, and Dean saw it all. The slight widening of his eyes, the sharp intake of breath, the hand clenching his tightly.

“Mom… Dad, I missed you so very much.”

* * *

 

Dean would never admit to the one manly tear that cascaded down his face, but  _damn_ was meeting the family an emotional affair.

After all the crying and hugging, Cas’ parents sat and listened to his story, but he thankfully left out the more _gruesome_ parts. He smiled at Dean throughout, which showed how far he had come. He had barely been able to think about his past without having a panic attack when Dean had first found him, and there he was, telling his long lost parents without even a sliver of fear.

It probably helped that all those who held him captive were either dead, or in jail.

“Then – then Dean found me.” Cas had glossed over his second kidnapping, but Deans heart still constricted when he thought about it. Losing your mate was the worst thing anyone could possibly go through, and Dean had almost lost Cas.

“You got _shot?”_ James sounded horrified, and Dean had to hold back a laugh when Cas pulled up his shirt and showed off his scar.

“Dean saved me. Without him… Gadreel and I probably would have never have been seen again, and that was a worse thought than dying. I couldn’t – I couldn’t let Dean die either.” Cas pulled his shirt down and fiddled with the hem. “Dean had Sam to take care of, and I – I didn’t have anyone, so I made the logical decision.” Dean closed his eyes and sighed. They had talked about it until they couldn’t possibly say any more. Cas still held to his guns, the stubborn son of a bitch, that he would have saved Dean in any way that he could have.

He couldn’t say he didn’t have anyone anymore, with a mate and a baby on the way.

“I can’t say that anymore, though.” Dean looked up in shock, because Cas could _not_ have read his mind. It just showed the connection they held, though, that they both knew the truth. Cas’ parents smiled, but they clearly hadn’t got the full picture. Dean looked at Cas, who smiled his crinkly eyed smile, and nodded.

Placing a hand on Cas’ belly, Dean grinned at the confused looking Novak’s. “Me and Cass will never be alone again. Probably won’t get any sleep for the next eighteen years, either, if it’s anything like Cas.” His mate punched him in the arm, and Rebecca burst into tears.

“You’re – you’re pregnant?” James looked stunned, but looked at Cas neck, instead of where their hands were joined. Cas immediately caught on.

“We didn’t have the chance to formulize the mating, before I was captured, and hospitalised. According to my doctor, our bodies were so desperate for a connection to one another; our child was conceived out of heat, something that is somewhat of a miracle.” Cas blushed, and Dean had an immense urge to kiss the shit out of him. He settled for leaning down and scenting him.

Cas’ mother got up and pulled him into a hug, which Cas clearly, happily returned. Dean felt his heart almost burst with happiness, because this was so good, Cas having his family back together, all in time to support him through his pregnancy.

Speaking of…

“Uh, didn’t you say his brother was going to be joining us?” Dean raised his eyebrows at James, who chuckled and nodded.

“Yes, he said he should be here soon, he just had to finish something at work because he was a man down.” A knock at the door drew their attention, and James nodded. “That should be him.”

Dean rose and made his way to the door. He knew Cas would be over the moon to meet the man whom he had saved all those years ago. Without him, who knew what hell the kid could have faced.

What he wasn’t expecting, when he opened the door, was his boss to be standing on the other side, looking nervous as hell.

“Uh, Gabe? What are you doing here?” Dean frowned, because he knew he’d called and said he wouldn’t be at work. Gabe looked at him in shock, which was weird, because usually he was a smart mouthed little shit, which always had something to say.

“I, uh, I think I got the wrong house. Small world, yeah?” Gabe looked panicked, and then something, that should have clicked a _long_ time ago, slid into place.

“ _Gabriel?”_ Dean swallowed around his own shock, because the world could _not_ be that small. “But – but your last name is _Rosen._ ” Dean was having a hard time wrapping his head around well, _everything._

“The cops thought the guys who took Cas might come back and get me, so my parents had my name changed, to my mom’s maiden name. But I _am,_ and always _will be_ , a Novak.” Gabe, whom he had known for _years,_ looked serious for the first time. “Now that you’ve figured out, and hopefully accepted, that the world is a messed up little thing, can I _please_ go and see my big brother?” Dean just nodded, and stepped aside.

Dean had no time to react before Gabe raced into the room, and descended upon Cas. He heard a yelp, and growled when he saw Gabe pulling Cas into a tight hug.

“You’re shorter than I thought you’d be.” Cas gruff voice was muffled by Gabe’s tee shirt. The other man just laughed.

“And you are just as serious and grumpy as I remember you.”

Yeah, everything was _awesome._


	17. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank chuck its finally done. This bits just the epilogue, so if you don't like birth scenes, you don't have to read it to complete the story but it does help. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! If you liked this, please check out my other stories. 
> 
> Happy Holidays!

Epilogue

Cas’ pregnancy, all things considered, was a breeze.

Dean was overprotective and growly to anyone that came near, but Cas secretly _loved_ that side of his mate. They had finally made it official, too, at the twelve week mark. Cas’ heat came on quietly, as Ellen had said it would. It didn’t hit him as hard as a normal heat would have done, and for that, he was thankful.

Even though he had very little nausea and aches, he was exhausted _all the time._ He knew it came with the territory of being pregnant, but it still astounded him how tired he really was. The heat only lasted for twenty four hours, and he didn’t think he’d have been able to last longer than that.

Dean was so attentive and gentle, the hormones, because he would _always_ blame them, had him crying when Dean finally sunk his teeth into the meat of his shoulder. With the overwhelming chorus of emotions and scents coursing through his body, it didn’t surprise him at all when he suddenly burst into tears. It was embarrassing, mainly because Dean was still licking away the blood and he was caught on his alphas knot.

“Whoa whoa, you ok Cas?” Dean had blood around his mouth and he still looked so goddamned enticing, Cas couldn’t do anything except crash their mouths together, hungrily devouring Dean whilst trying to convey his love and devotion to his alpha.

Needless to say, it took a lot out of the omega.

By the time his due date _finally_ rolled around, Cas was beyond ready to meet his little bumble bee. They had opted not to find out the sex, so Cas had had to come up with a gender neutral nick name. He liked bees, the way they just pottered about and did their work, such industrious little things. So, bumble bee it was.

It amused him how anxious and fretful Dean became, as the birth date inched closer. Ellen had told both of them, _multiple times,_ that despite Cas’ disaster of a first pregnancy, everything looked fine with the current one. Cas was even allowed to have a normal, natural birth, just like he wanted.

Dean had baulked when Cas first mentioned the idea of a birthing pool, much to his amusement. Cas wouldn’t back down, though, because he knew what he wanted, and he would get it, even if that meant crossing his alpha.

“Cas, if babies were meant to be born in water, they would have _gills_!” Dean’s argument made no sense, even after Cas explained to him about natural breathing reflexes and relaxation techniques. Dean just grumbled about new-fangled hippy crap and Cas called him a grumpy old man.

“Dean, _I_ am the one who will be pushing something the size of a watermelon out of my ass, so please, tell me again how I should birth our baby.”

That shut Dean up, very quickly.

Cas wasn’t scared of the birth. He had been through so much in his life, most of it bad, but the birth of a child… it was a time of happiness and joy. He knew, in his heart, that once his baby was born, that he would have everything in his life that he could possibly need. What more could one want than an attentive, loving mate and beautiful baby?

He went to bed early, as was usual for the past month. Cas couldn’t settle, though, something at the back of his mind keeping him awake and aware. It wasn’t anything bad, just something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. He feigned sleep when Dean came in, because he didn’t want to worry his alpha.

Cas ran a hand over his distended belly, rubbing absently over the tight muscles. He winced when he felt a slight twinge, but ignored it. He had been having them off and on all day, so he wasn’t too worried. He glanced at their alarm clock, to see it reading ten o’clock.

Dean shifted and snorted in his sleep, and Cas grinned sleepily at his mate. He was adorable, not that Dean would ever accept the praise, at least, not in front of Sam. Dean was such a softy when it came to praise –

A tighter grip of pain bunched the muscles up beneath his hand, and Cas closed his eyes and tried to breathe through it. When it passed, he looked at the clock.

Ten oh five.

He took a moment, before he woke Dean, just to cherish his baby bump before the inevitable stress of getting to the hospital. If he was correct, then he was indeed in early labour. He would miss having his baby right where he could protect it, but he was also desperate to hold his bundle in his arms. He’d also like to see his feet and dick again.

“Dean.” He sat up and nudged his alpha with his foot. When that didn’t work, he kicked him hard in the thigh. The alpha woke up waving his arms around.

“Cas? What the hell man, what are you –” Dean froze, and scented the air around them. Cas’ pheromones must have been going haywire, because suddenly Dean was launching out of the bed, trying to grab the hospital bag while also getting his pants on. “Ok so – so this is happening, are you sure it’s happening?” Cas just narrowed his eyes at his mate. Cas knew his body, he knew what was happening.

“Dean, I need you to calm down.” Cas managed to push himself up off the bed, in between contractions. Dean had frozen in the middle of the room, looking not unlike a deer caught in a pair of headlights.

“Cas… what do I do?” Cas, despite the quickly escalating amount of pain he was in, waddled over and wrapped his arms around his mate. Dean sounded so unsure and scared; it broke his heart to hear. Here was a big alpha, reduced to panic in the face of his mate giving birth. All the books hinted at it, but it was still a sight that shocked him.

“You’re going to be strong, and brave for me, Dean.” Cas closed his eyes and leaned on Dean as another contraction washed over him. When it passed, Cas looked up at his alphas wide eyes. “Everything is going to be fine.”

* * *

 

Dean didn’t know how Cas was doing it. He was just so damn  _calm._ Even his scent was calm, just the usual spike of discomfort when a contraction would hit. It felt like hours since they left the house, even though it had only been four. Cas was taking everything like a champ, and positively growled at the poor nurse when she asked if he want any pain relief. Dean totally understood why he didn’t want any.

Being drugged for most of his life, Cas wanted to feel as much as he could to make up for it. Dean wasn’t going to say _anything_ if Cas wanted some at the end though. He liked his balls attached to his body.

Ellen strode into the room, snapping on a pair of gloves. Cas looked up from where he was pacing around the room, and Dean could see the excitement in his eyes. Dean felt the same; he couldn’t wait to meet their pup.

“Why don’t you take a seat up on the bed, Castiel, and we’ll see how far away this youngin of yours is.” Dean helped Cas manoeuvre himself up and onto the bed, where he promptly spread his legs and dropped them. Dean watched as Ellen slipped her fingers into Cas, and poked around for an indication Cas was ready to start pushing.

“What can you feel?” Dean could hear the nerves in Cas’ voice, but he didn’t mention them. He just kissed Cas’ forehead and scented him gently. His mate hummed back happily, his blue eyes crinkling in pleasure. Ellen sat back and grinned at them.

“I think it’s time to move you to the pool, sweetie.” Cas grinned, then groaned through another contraction. Dean held his hand through it, murmuring praise and loving words throughout. When it passed, Cas kissed his cheek, before sliding off the bed. Dean still didn’t entirely agree with the whole birthing pool idea, but if it was what Cas wanted, it was his to have. He was doing all the hard work, after all.

The pool was actually a pretty cool idea.

The warm water helped relax Cas, so he didn’t need painkillers and the contractions didn’t hit him as hard. Dean stayed up by his head, because nothing was happening that he could see.

“You’re doing great Cas. You’re so strong.” Dean didn’t really know what to say, but Cas just smiled at him. He assumed he was in some kind of baby birthing induced trance. He was sure he’d read something about it.

“Thank you. I feel a lot better now that you’ve calmed down too.” Dean blushed, because that was _not_ what an alpha was supposed to do. He was supposed to be strong and in charge and – “Dean, I can see you thinking about what you did wrong. Just stop. You have done _nothing_ wrong. It’s a stressful situation, and I reserve my right to freak out after the baby is born. But for now –” Cas closed his eyes and groaned. “For now, I need you cool, calm and collected. Can you do that for me?”

Dean would do anything for his mate, so he nodded, and pushed away his fear.

All too soon, Cas started frowning and rubbing his belly under the water. Dean stayed quiet, despite his frantic desire to ask if something was wrong. If there was, Cas would tell him. A sudden, _fucking audible,_ gush and Cas yelping had him ignoring everything he’d just promised himself.

“What is it, is something wrong?” Dean was almost in the fucking tub, he was so worried about Cas. The omega was in obvious pain; Dean could smell it _and_ see it. Ellen just shook her head and leaned over the edge of the tub.

“Nope, everything’s going exactly to plan.” Cas turned over so he was facing Dean, and leaning over the tub himself. “That was just the water, so now the baby’s on its way out.” Dean’s heart jumped over itself in panic, and excitement, he couldn’t decide which was more prevalent.

“Are you ready?” Dean kept his voice steady, knowing that was what Cas needed. A stable and strong mate. Cas just huffed and leaned on his clasped hands.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” They had discussed it before, but Dean needed a confirmation before he did anything.

“Um, do you still want me to catch it?” He hated saying _it,_ but they didn’t know if was going to be a boy, or a girl, so what choice did they have, really. Cas nodded, his eyes bright and happy.

“Yes, if you’re still comfortable with it.” Dean smiled at his mate, because fuck _yeah_ he was comfortable. He sat with Cas, rubbing his arms as he groaned and panted through what Ellen called _transition._ “I need – I need to push. Can I push?” Cas’ frantic, wide eyes stared up at Dean, who then looked at Ellen. She was the boss there, no matter what Cas and Dean thought.

“With the next contraction, Castiel, bear down like I explained.” Dean watched as Cas’ breathing sped up, before a contraction washed over him. His mate clung to the edge of the tub, and pushed with everything he had. Ellen counted him out, and patted his back when he slumped onto the side. “Very good, hun, just like that until I say to stop.”

Cas was such a trooper, and before Dean knew it, Ellen was motioning for him to go and get Gadreel. The other omega would help Cas, while Dean was welcoming their baby into the world. Opening the door to the outside world was surreal, and so was seeing his brother and Gadreel slumped in the chairs beside the door.

“Uh, Gad? Show time.”

* * *

 

Despite all the videos Cas had practically forced him to watch, Dean was in no way prepared for the next few hours.

Seeing his mate in so much pain grated on him in a way he hadn’t known was possible, but Cas just soldiered on through it like a champ, not once complaining or saying he couldn’t do it.

Gadreel was a literal godsend, staying up at Cas’ head for the omega to lean on and scent. The calming aroma Gadreel let off in the face of another omega giving birth settled everyone in the room, including Dean.

“Ok Castiel, with your next push, the heads going to start crowning.” Dean’s heart sped up as his eyes darted down to his mate’s entrance, still submerged beneath the warm water. He couldn’t actually see anything yet, but he knew if the baby was ready to crown, it was just out of sight. Cas nodded but didn’t speak. He had been fairly vocal throughout the night, but that had devolved into mostly grunts and groans. All of his concentration was centred on bringing their pup into the world.

Dean watched as Cas’ muscles tensed, and he let out a low groan. Ellen motioned for Dean to get into the tub, and get into position. He didn’t know how long it would take, everyone was different, but he wanted to be ready just in case. He slid into the tub, careful not to jostle Cas while he was in the throes of a contraction.

“Dean, you can put your hands down there, feel where the baby’s coming out.” Dean shot terrified eyes to Ellen, but she just smiled and nodded. With his heart racing, Dean dipped his hands under the water and ran down Cas’ trembling skin.

“Holy _shit.”_ Dean froze when his fingers brushed something that was _not_ his mate. He inched forward again, and gently ran just the tips of his fingers over the slightly protruding, soft head of his child. “Cas… oh my _god._ ” He wished his mate could feel what he was feeling, without all the pain, but Cas just groaned and tensed again.

“Hun, now’s the hard part.” Ellen ran her hand over Cas’ back, up and down in a soothing motion. “You gotta go _real_ slow, alright? I know you know why, but I’m gonna tell you anyway. Rushing this puts you and your little one in danger. I know it’s the hardest things you’ll ever do, but you’ve _got_ to go slow. You hear?” Ellen put on her stern voice, and Cas just nodded, holding tighter to Gadreel.

The alpha didn’t move his hands from his mate’s entrance, so when Cas started slowly pushing with his next contraction, Dean felt the head in his hand inch slowly out.

“You’re doing such a good job, Cas, you’re so strong.” Dean wasn’t even aware of what was tumbling out of his mouth, but it seemed to spur Cas on, because the omega groaned back. “Our baby’s right here, I can feel its head.” Cas gasped and Dean felt his body shudder as the head slipped quietly into the world.

With a quick look at Ellen to see if he was doing everything right, which he was, Dean let his eyes travel down to the dark mass sitting in his hand. He cradled it gently, afraid to move even a little bit. With his free hand, he checked around the neck to make sure the cord wasn’t wrapped around it. When he relayed the information to Ellen, she sighed, relieved, and turned to Cas.

“Ok, hun, your next push, you can give it your all. Deans gonna help guide the shoulders out, and then you’ll have your beautiful baby.” Cas nodded, his head falling onto Gadreels shoulder. Dean could tell how tired Cas was, so he was glad it was all going to be over soon. The omega stiffened and let out a low, rumbling growl. Dean instinctively rumbled his reply, before positioning himself directly behind his mate. Using both of his hands, he felt as first one shoulder, then the next, popped out into his waiting palms. He didn’t really have to do anything at all, which wasn’t surprising. Cas was amazing, an independent, confident omega that Dean was honoured to call his mate.

Cas tensed again, and practically _roared,_ spreading his legs wide. Dean watched as his mate pushed with everything he had left until their baby flew into Deans waiting hands. As Ellen instructed, Dean drew the baby up and out of the water, and laid it on Cas’ shaking back. Using the towel he was handed, Dean cleaned its face and made sure its mouth and nose were clear.

For a tense moment, Dean was worried that it hadn’t taken a breath. That was, until it opened its eyes, its blue, _blue eyes,_ and stared at Dean with all the intensity of a rising sun. Then, it scrunched up its tiny face and let the world know he had arrived.

“It’s a boy, Cas, a little boy.”

* * *

 

Cas had never known such contentment.

He was clean, warm and dry. The baby at his nipple was suckling softly, and Dean was dozing beside him. It had been a long, hard night, but with his family around him, he had seen it through. He still couldn’t believe that his baby, _their baby,_ was safe and strong in his arms.

Dean muttered something in his sleep, and Cas smiled softly. He was so lucky to have found such a strong, supportive, _understanding_ mate. Any other alpha would have cowed him, forced him to be something he simply could not have been. Dean, though, Dean encouraged his independence, nurtured his sass and wit. He didn’t mind when Cas bit back, actually, he quite enjoyed it.

From the moment he had entered that soup kitchen, before his sense of smell had even returned, Cas had dared to hope that Dean could be his mate. He didn’t know what deity had answered his prayers, so he thanked them all for sending him his alpha.

Aiden unlatched, and screwed up his adorable little face. Cas’ heart swelled with love and pride, as he ran his finger along his baby’s lips to wipe away the little milk moustache he was sporting. Cas burped him, made sure his nappy was clean and laid him down in his crib by the bed. His son blinked sleepily up at him, before closing his eyes.

Cas looked at his perfect family, and he was sure his heart would erupt with happiness. He felt as if he were floating, the light, weightless feeling chasing him into sleep as he curled himself around Dean, who instinctively wrapped his arms around him.

Everything was right with the world, right there, in their little bubble of happiness and Cas dreamed of angels, flying high and free, into the sunset.

If those angels happened to be a blue eyed baby, a dark haired omega, and a blonde haired alpha, well, that would just be a happy coincidence, wouldn’t it?


End file.
